When a couple get married traditionally the bride changes her maiden name to her husband’s surname. This is certainly the most preferred option of brides I have met, bar a few who have kept their maiden names which they have built their careers under.
Changing your maiden name to your husband's surname is certainly the simplest option. It makes life easier once you are married to share the same surname (for social, financial and domestic matters) and much less confusing once you have children together. If you (or even your husband) are not keen on sticking with the tradition of you taking his name then how about one of the following options:
♥ You could use a double barreled combination of both of your surnames - this has become an increasingly popular choice amongst couples. The two elements of the new surname could either be linked by a hyphen or kept separate.
♥ How about using your surname as a middle name for both of you.
♥ You could “mesh” your maiden name with your husband’s surname to make a brand new surname for you both – it could be great fun choosing a new name together!
♥ Alternatively, if none of these options appeal to you both then there is no reason (if he is agreeable) why your husband cannot change his surname to your maiden name when you get married.
Although many couples in recent years have chosen to combine their last names it is still unusual for a man to take his wife’s surname upon marriage. Whilst I might have pondered this with newlywed friends and even discussed the topic of name changing with my own husband prior to our wedding, I have never really considered it to be a serious option (unless the man’s surname is so humiliating that it just is not an option for the bride to consider taking it!). I wondered after reading this story if it might well become a new wedding trend in years to come. According to wzzm13.com Seattle newlyweds Donna and Mike Salinger were met with chuckles and confusion from their wedding guests last November as they were announced on their wedding day with the wife’s surname. Mike bravely chose to take his wife's last name instead of her taking his.
"Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it would have caused as much of a stir as it did," says Mike Salinger, 27, who was married in November. "We knew people might be surprised, but we figured they'd say 'Huh' and get on with it.”
This is a very unique and modern idea and one which I don’t think should be ridiculed. Personally I think that with all of the new trends in weddings this break with the norm is refreshing.
According to abcnews.go.com in January of this year groom-to-be Michael Buday decided that he wanted to honor his fiancé’s family by taking her name upon their marriage. The only obstacle in his way was the law! Under California state law he needed to pay more than $300 and comply with their laborious and strict legal requirements before his name change could happen. He decided that this was unfair and alongside the ACLU decided to go to court to battle it out. Abcnews.go.com states that,
“California is one of 44 states with unequal name change laws for people getting married. Right now, only six states — Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Massachusetts, New York and North Dakota — explicitly allow a man to change his name through marriage with the same ease as a woman can.”
Is it right that women can change their names so easily upon marriage yet men are forced into an expensive and laborious labyrinth of red tape in the USA? Without doubt it is a lot easier for men in the UK as they need only execute a change of name by Deed Poll, pay up the £29.99 fee and this guarantees that their new surname is legal and accepted by everyone without question.
Whether newlyweds choose to merge names, create a completely new one or both be known by the bride’s surname, isn’t the most important thing that it should be personal choice for them how they wish themselves to be known upon their marriage?
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My husband and I are from California. When we got married we decided to merge our names together to make a new name (think Smithjones). We debated which name would go first for a while but the one that sounded better was his first, then mine. We got married & our fiend (who married us-as they can in the US) announced it at the end of the ceremony. None of our friends or family thought twice about it. It seemed very "us" and worked well. We both were attached to our names but wanted the same name for our "family", and we hate the hyphen option.
When we went to the social security office to change our names they looked at us a bit funny, but didn't question it. We got out new card right away. Same with driver's licene, bank, passport. As long as we had our wedding licence, no one questioned. So I have no idea why Mr. Buday had such a difficult time in California & my husband had a completely seamless time. Good for him, I guess.
We love our new name & wouldn't have it any other way.
Nice post, especially where you say, "This is a very unique and modern idea and one which I don't think should be ridiculed. Personally I think that with all of the new trends in weddings this break with the norm is refreshing." I took my wife's name when we married and did get my share of ridicule. Still do. But, if this becomes more common, maybe the ridicule will stop.
Great article on what can be a "hot-button" topic between the bride and groom. I think it would take a man who is very secure in his manhood to take on his wife's name.
I believe it was also common in the 19th century for the kids to have the mother's maiden name as their middle name.
After weeks of discussion of various alternatives, I took the name shared by my wife and her son. In the end, it was far easier for one person (me) to change his name than for both of them to do so...or to strand our son with a last name different to ours. Some hurt (but perfectly mend-able) feelings aside, it was the right thing to do.
I was married in North Dakota and took my husbands last name. After the fact I decided I wanted to tack my maiden name onto my middle name. The North Dakota courthouse tells me I cannot do this (they're more than happy to change my surname but not my middle) How do I do this? Anyone? I am currently a Minnesota resident.
Some modern couples are exploring more 'matriarchal' oriented marriages where the female partner is primary. Assuming her last name is a natural for some men [self included] and it doesn't make me any less of a 'man.' I love it!
John
Ok, well, my husband took my last name when we got married. The reasons were complicated. But first here are the answers to the questions you're asking:
1) Yes
2) No they're not
3) Yes they do
The questions:
1) Yes I have brothers
2) No, they're not gay nor are they priests (we grew up Roman Catholic)
3) Yes they do have children (and some are boys)
More questions? Here are more answers:
1) Yes
2) Very much so
3) One
Answers: 1) Yes his father did mind.
2) How much? Very much so.
3) Did he have brothers? Yes. One.
(Why these questions matter is worth discussion another day.)
Now, before anyone says I'm being snarky, I'm not. I've just been asked these many times in many iterations. Why they matter is beyond my ken, but apparently they must as the questions are somewhat universal.
So how? Well, we got engaged. We wanted a joint name that showed us as a family unit (and it's OK with us what anyone else chooses. This was how we chose). I disliked his (sounded like female body parts, sorta). His mother and father were divorced. His sisters were married with different last names. His brother unmarried. Somehow I would have become the last standing female member of the family with the last name. A name I didn't care for with family I didn't really consider my own.
My family name I loved. He loved it too. We made a choice and have never really looked back. (Of course we considered choosing another name out of thin air. I like Kennedy. He like Einstein.) The only time it really comes up is when people meet my father and I introduce him as Mr. XXX (my last name and my husband's now). I look just like my father. Quizzical looks go around. Synapses begin firing. Questions arrive with these answers:
1) Not that we know of.
2) No.
3) Yes.
4) Nope. Not any more.
1) Were you two brother and sister?
2) Did you happen to have the same last name?
3) Did your husband take your last name?
4) Do you ever think it's odd?
And as a side note: If I took his I'd just have to march into the DMV and pronounce myself hitched. For him to do the same, he had to file with the courts.
We've been hitched about 15 years now. And it's still going strong.