You are more than welcome to send me your wedding related questions, I will always do my best to answer. Here is a recent question I received:
"Hi Emily, I appreciate reading all of your helpful tips. As a Mother of 5 children. this information will come in handy especially that my son was married last year and my daughter will be married next year.
The question that is looming in my mind is the appropriate gift that should be given to my children. Where I live money is the only gift that is given except in rare instances. So my question to you is what is a fair amount to give? In the case of my son I did what all groom's parents do, Rehearsal dinner etc. For my daughter we will be paying for the entire event except what the groom's parents traditionally pay for. Do I make a distinction based on that or not? Also how much would you recommend giving? I'm sort of stumped and need advice on that. Any suggestions?"
I gave the following advice:
Congratulations on your children's nuptials. I totally understand your predicament as you want to be equally fair to both your son and your daughter with regard to how much you give them as a wedding gift.
The first step is not to feel under pressure about this. I recommend that you examine your own financial state of affairs and determine what the maximum amount of money you can comfortably afford to give to each child is. Traditionally in the UK parents give their children wedding gifts of anything up to £5,000 (approximately $9,000). This is usually equivalent to the average cost of a honeymoon.
Without doubt you will be spending a lot more money on your daughter's wedding than you contributed towards your son's wedding. You should use your own judgement as to whether you should make a distinction between what you contribute to each of your children as a gift. Is your son likely to feel aggrieved that your daughter has garnered more financially through her wedding than he did when he got married? The last thing you want is for any family members to fall out over money.
If you think that in fairness your son should be given more money than your daughter then perhaps after deciding the amount you should speak to your daughter and explain why you intend to give your son a larger cash gift than she herself is to receive from you.
Good luck and remember to relax and enjoy your daughter's upcoming wedding!
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Hi. This was really good advice for the mother-of-the bride. As a young adult, I find myself faced with several weddings this year, all of friends who would prefer a cash gift (towards honeymoon, purchase of home, etc.) over something from the registry they begrudingly made for relatives.
My question is - how do I gauge what is an appropriate level of gifting? How much cash should I be giving?
One of these weddings is that of my best friend - I am in that wedding and expected to travel to France for it. Another is of my secretary, with whom I am not very close. Two more are a friend from college with whom I've fallen out of touch and another somewhat newer friend who recently moved out of the area (both of those weddings also require travel, thankfully within the US).
I have a reasonable but limited income. I'd like to give what I feel is a fairly substantial gift to the best friend ($100) but I do not wish to give that much to the others because I am not as close to them and also because I am feeling a severe pinch on my budget. At the same time, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or feel embarrassed by the appearance of being cheap - which wouldn't happen of course if I were buying a gift from the registry!
What should I do?!!
Thanks for your help, Jen
I am a single mother. I have a son getting married. What is the appropriate amount of money to give as a gift?