The traditional roles of primary wedding planner usually fall to (a) the bride or (b) the wedding planning but it is extremely rare for the job to be passed to (c) the groom! That is exactly what happens during "Don't Tell the Bride", a brand new six-part series on BBC Three which sees grooms planning the entire wedding without any input from the bride. As the groom is banned from having contact with the bride until the wedding ceremony, the only people he can turn to for advice are his best mates.
Whilst most bride-to-be’s agree on the fact that they want their partner to be involved in the wedding planning, would any bride actually want him to organise the complete wedding day? This new reality TV show follows the husbands-to-be as, armed with a £12,000 budget and a 4 week deadline, they negotiate the ups and downs of planning the wedding day their future bride has always dreamt of. They must organize every single thing for the wedding themselves, including choosing a wedding theme, a venue, organizing the stationery, catering, transportation, photography, entertainment and the all important wedding attire.
As the average cost of a wedding in the UK at present is approximately £15,000 I think that the £12,000 budget which the show has provided the groom with is a realistic amount. Of course that depends on whether the groom is able to calculate a wedding budget and stick to it. If he can’t then he might be forced to cut costs in places his bride may not agree with on the wedding day!
Through video diaries viewers can watch the excitement and drama unfold as the wedding plans progress from both the bride and groom’s viewpoint.
Viewers will be able to witness what happens when you mix a wedding obsessed bridezilla with impressively glamorous plans for her wedding with a notoriously disorganised fiancé who is left to organise the wedding on his own in 4 weeks - it sounds like a sure-fire recipe for disaster! The couple in question, who participated in “Don't Tell the Bride”, are Katy and Sam of Weybridge, Surrey. It fell on Sam’s shoulders to organize the wedding which Katy had always wanted. However whilst she had dreamt of a stylish white and silver theme for her big day, Sam opted for a Moulin Rouge theme complete with DIY table decorations and invitations. To read more about their story click here.
Even though Katy admitted that she really enjoyed the wedding day which Sam had planned for them both, according to The Daily Mail, she said that
“Looking back, I do feel as though something was taken away from me. Not being involved in the planning myself left me feeling a little as though I had turned up at someone else's wedding rather than my own.”
Whilst this type of wedding reality show makes great viewing, I personally don’t think I could have give my husband the responsibility of planning our entire wedding. This is not because I fear he would have made terrible choices, as I trust his taste implicitly plus he is far more organized than me, however I would have hated for him to be put under that amount of pressure and stress. I think it is so important for both the bride and groom to enjoy the build-up to their wedding day.
I think that the brides featured on "Don't Tell The Bride", regardless of their partner’s wedding planning blunders, should realise how lucky they are to have a man that was willing to take on this responsibility and role.
Watch for yourself to see how each of the couples fare - "Don't Tell The Bride" is on BBC Three on November 8th at 9pm.
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What’s more difficult than delivering the perfect wedding speech? Writing the perfect wedding speech. It might seem like an easy enough task, but it can make you feel a bit like a chocoholic trapped in a chocolate factory - you know what to do, but where do you begin? Even when you’ve started putting pen to paper, you often realise that what sounded great in your head, doesn’t sound as good once it’s written down (yes, I am writing from experience)! Before you know it, your head’s banging, and you’re surrounded by torn up sheets of paper everywhere. Add to that the need to get the balance of humour and sentiment just right, and you’ll want to shoot whoever invented wedding speeches!
The main purpose of the speech is to congratulate the happy couple, and wish them all the best in their new life together. The general idea is that the father of the bride and groom keep their speeches both touching, and humorous, while the best man has to be light-hearted and entertaining. Each speech involves thanking the relevant people, a few anecdotes, and ends with a toast, which many think is just an excuse to knock back more champagne (so it’s all good)! If it’s that simple, what could go wrong?
Well, in a word, plenty! Traditional wedding speeches may follow a similar pattern, but each speech, speaker, situation etc, will undoubtedly be unique, and it’s important that each speaker knows what to say, who to thank, how to respond to a toast and to whom to propose a toast. The secret often lies in the preparation and planning process, which if done correctly, will give a focused and polished result. Everyone remembers a lousy wedding speech, where the speech is unstructured and uninteresting, the speaker incoherent and rambling, and the guests have lost the will to live. But everyone also remembers a fabulous one, which raises laughs in all the right places, and causes the odd tear to be shed. Want to know how it’s done? Keep reading!
PLANNING:
At the risk of sounding like my old English teacher, planning is essential:
♥ Have a brainstorming session, and jot down everything you might want to include in your speech. Bear in mind that you won’t need to use everything (not unless you plan on boring guests for five hours), but it gives you somewhere to start.
♥ Show your ideas to family/friends/work colleagues, and anyone else who might have anything to add.
♥ Feel free to ask around for anecdotes about members of the wedding party.
♥ It’s amazing how often random, but useful thoughts pop into your head when you least expect it, so carry a notebook around with you as much as possible to note down any ideas you might have. Unfortunately, there can be a tendency for these flashes of inspiration to occur at awkward moments, like when you’re doing 70mph down the motorway, or when there’s a long queue behind you at the supermarket checkout. These are times when it’s totally impractical to whip out your notebook (not unless you want to get hit on the head with a baguette by an irate shopper for holding up the queue), but do try to record your thoughts whenever possible, because chances are you may not remember them later.
WRITING:
This is where the fun begins, and you can finally start putting all the information together to write out your speech.
♥ Start sifting through your notes to find material you really do want to use in your speech. Remember your speech needs to be between 5-10 minutes long (preferably five), so be selective, as you can’t use everything.
♥ Start writing your first draft. You’ll probably have to redraft several times before you find a version you’re happy with, so don’t worry if your first attempt is far from perfect.
♥ Going into English teacher mode again, give your speech a beginning, a middle, and an end. This prevents your speech from sounding ‘all over the place,’ and gives it some structure and balance:
BEGINNING:
♥ Greet everyone according to the formality of the occasion (‘Ladies and Gentleman’ – formal. ‘Friends and Relatives’ – informal. ‘Hi everyone’ – what’s formality?!)
♥ Open your speech with an attention grabbing statement, to ensure everyone pays attention (Please note: Your aim is to grab their attention, not shock them into a stunned silence). You could open with a humorous statement, a relevant quotation, or by comparing the occasion, to a well known event (if any) which occurred on that date.
MIDDLE:
♥ This is the main part of the speech. You could just mention the necessary thank yous (if you wish to keep it simple), or maybe slip in one or two short stories.
♥ The father of the bride might wish to talk about what his daughter was like growing up, and remark upon what a charming, delightful, and wonderful young woman she has grown up to be (no doubt when it’s my turn, I’ll have to pay my dad to say something positive. I’ll have to pay him extra to sound convincing)!
♥ The groom can talk about your meeting, courtship, proposal, etc.
♥ The best man can talk about his friendship with the groom, and how delighted he is that his friend has found the ‘perfect woman.’
END:
♥ This is where you wish the happy couple well, and ask everyone to join you in a toast.
♥ When redrafting your speech ask someone to assist you if necessary, but avoid asking too many people for advice, as the words ‘cooks’ ‘spoils’ and ‘broth’ instantly come to mind. Ask someone whose judgement you trust.
♥ My assignments for university were littered with ‘big’ words which I’d randomly picked out of a dictionary in an attempt to make myself look clever. It didn’t work because most of the time I didn’t fully understand what the word meant (but at least my lecturers had a good laugh). The moral of the story is, use words and phrases you are familiar with, and speak in plain English so that everyone will understand. Guests will not be impressed if they have to reach for the dictionary for the duration of your speech.
BRIDE/CHIEF BRIDESMAID:
♥ The bride and chief bridesmaid – if they are planning on making speeches- are lucky in that there is no traditional set of conventions for them to follow, as women did not traditionally make wedding speeches. So you’re free to say what you like – within reason of course!
♥ As the groom has more thank yous to make than Gwyneth Paltrow did in that acceptance speech (parents for their help, guests for attending and for gifts received, best man for his help, bride for becoming his wife etc) these could be divided between the bride and groom.
♥ The bride could propose a toast to the best man, parents, or all the guests, or even to absent friends and family, if you would like to acknowledge anyone who was unable to attend or has passed away.
It is uncommon for the chief bridesmaid to make a speech, and I am thankful that I have never had to make one (though probably not as thankful as everyone else). However, if you are going to make a speech, you could:
♥ Speak for yourself and on behalf of the bridesmaids, and say how delighted and honoured you all are that you were chosen for such a special task.
♥ Add a couple of anecdotes about your friendship with the bride and groom.
♥ Propose a toast to the ushers. Which leads me to ask, why doesn’t anyone acknowledge the ushers in speeches? Handing out buttonholes, hymn books, orders of service, helping guests to park etc. They work so hard, and get so little credit. So not fair!
GENERAL POINTERS:
♥ There are going to be people of all ages present, so make sure the language you use is appropriate for big and little ears alike.
♥ Jokes and humorous anecdotes that go down well on a night out in the pub with your mates, for some bizarre reason, aren’t always well received at weddings. Make sure the gags are suitable to the occasion.
♥ It’s all very well going down memory lane, but not if you’re going to mention rifts and other past incidents which are best forgotten. Remember, this is a real life wedding – not an episode of Eastenders!
♥ It’s acceptable to make jokes at other people’s expense if it’s done in good taste and with affection. Leave out anything that you think someone might find upsetting, or at the very least double check that it’s ok to say what you want. And only offend the bride and/or her mother if you have a death wish!
♥ Don’t be afraid to make your speech as soppy as you like. It is a wedding after all, and events like these were the reason why waterproof mascara was invented and why Kleenex is still in business. And a few (happy) tears never hurt anyone.
♥ Don’t feel under pressure to make your speech hysterically funny. If you’re not a natural born comedian, and let’s face it, we can’t all be Russell Peters, you could include some well chosen and meaningful quotations.
♥ Prepare a list of everyone you have to thank.
♥ The best speeches are not 10 hours long. Read your speech out aloud and time yourself.
♥ There are some very useful books and websites, which give great in-depth advice on how to write the perfect speech, and better still, give examples, so they’re worth checking out.
♥ There are mixed views on how to use the content found in books and on the net. Some sources have suggested that it’s fine to copy huge chunks of material and pass it off as your own. I would suggest that you look to this material for inspiration only. Aim to make your speech your own.
AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS…
… Call in the professionals. No, not Bodie and Doyle, but you’ll be pleased to know that professional speech writers who specialise in wedding speeches do exist. So if you’re still having trouble coming up with something half decent, or it’s all very last minute dot com, then it’s worth looking them up. Be warned though, they don’t come cheap, but the time saved and complete peace of mind you receive might be worth every penny.
A good speech writer doesn’t deal in standard speeches or off the peg gags. They spend a great deal of time working on personalising each speech so that it’s totally unique. Some even work alongside a professional joke writer, so there won’t be any tired old jokes. And of course you can always take the credit for having written a witty, sentimental, and thought provoking speech!
Is waltzing round the dance floor at your wedding reception to the gentle crooning of Celine Dion not enough of a show-stopper for you? Perhaps you want to make a bold statement and have your first dance stand out in the memories of your guests. One of the hottest wedding trends is to learn a choreographed routine for your first dance as husband and wife. As I mentioned in my previous blog increasing numbers of newlyweds are abandoning waltzing to traditional classics and instead are performing strategically planned dance displays to music such as the signature tune to Dirty Dancing, MC Hammer's “Can't Touch This” and Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.
According to Adam Gardner and Gemma Rogers of wedding dance company First Dance UK,
"It's very rare for a couple to just ask to be taught the waltz. A lot of the requests are weird and wonderful”.
You only have to take a look at one of the many videos of other couples performing their first dance on YouTube or GoogleVideo to see this for yourself. I’m just hoping one of the couples whose weddings I am due to attend later this year decide to copy the Austin Powers theme tune dance – it looks hilarious!
Whilst I’ve mentioned before that I love newlyweds Brian and Sandy Lundmark’s awe-inspiring rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller dance, I have to say my new personal favorite amongst the first dance wedding videos on You Tube is the body popping couple – it is so cool.
This is a wedding trend which does not look likely to end anytime soon. In fact UKTV Style have devoted a new show, “First Dance”, to just that! Each show follows one of 15 couples on their journey from learning their specially-choreographed secret routine to executing it at their wedding reception. According to the Sun Newspaper newlyweds Andrea and George Georgiou from Edmonton, who feature in the show, said they wanted to try something a bit different for their wedding day. They spent weeks preparing for their first dance to perform in front of their 500 wedding guests and their verdict was,
"It was a bit nerve wracking but when it came to do the dance, all the lights went down and everyone was laughing and cheering as we performed. It was amazing."
If you want your first dance to be a show-stopper and know nothing at all about dancing above and beyond a quick boogie at your local club then perhaps you should think about engaging the services of a dance choreographer. Companies such as First Dance UK offer a helping hand by teaching couples how to put together a dance routine for their wedding to surprise their guests. The choreographers can come to your own home and teach you a unique routine tailor-made to your choice of song and to your dancing ability. You don’t need to have any previous dance experience. A 1 hour trial lesson, costing £60, is recommended if you simply want to learn a few basic moves that you can link together for your first dance song. Alternatively, if you want to learn a full routine for your first dance song they offer a package of 5 lessons for £250.
Whatever you decide to do before you embark on the challenge of organizing your first dance here are some tips:
Top Tips For Orchestrating Your First Dance
Initial decisions
♥ You don’t have to be an exhibitionist to try a choreographed first dance - nobody is going to force you to re-enact the legendary dance sequence from Dirty Dancing. You could try something as straightforward as learning how to foxtrot round the dance floor or a few simple spins, dips and salsa moves. Whatever you do it is sure to be memorable to both you and your wedding guests (hopefully for the right reasons!).
♥ You can choose private lessons with a choreographer, as mentioned above, or opt for the cheaper alternative which is group classes at your local community center or school.
♥ If you are on a tight budget and cannot factor dance lessons into your wedding plans then how about working out your own dance routine. Plenty of couples do it (take a look at the videos on YouTube to see other DIY first dances). Even if you don’t have the dancing prowess of Cheryl Burke or Patrick Swayze you can still put together a first dance sure to impress your wedding guests.
♥ Be creative! The abovementioned newlyweds who body popped their way through their first dance came up with the choreography themselves. See what unique dance ideas you and your fiancé can come up with yourselves. You don’t necessarily need a professional choreographer or dance lessons, all you need is some confidence, the desire to entertain your wedding guests and a willingness to have plenty fun.
♥ If you are looking for inspiration then look no further than the internet. As mentioned, there are hundreds of videos to choose from on the web.
♥ There are also many easy-to-follow instructional videos and DVDs available to buy or rent which can teach you dance moves in the comfort and privacy of your own home.
♥ Initially you should decide on a song you would like to dance to. There are plenty of options available to you. If you are undecided about your first dance song check the list at Firstdance.com which has a huge selection of appropriate wedding dance songs and also check out my blog.
♥ The best type of song to use for your first dance is one with a distinctive beat which is easy to hear.
♥ If you are having trouble picking a song try practicing some dance moves together to your favorite 2 or 3 songs. Settle on whichever of the songs you both feel most comfortable dancing to.
♥ Once you have chosen your first dance song let your choreographer know your choice. They might well ask you to let them have a CD copy of the song so that they can listen to it in advance of your first meeting to begin to visualize a suitable dance routine for you.
♥ It is best that you dance to recorded music so that you get used to the timing of it and know exactly what to expect on your big day.
♥ However, if you are intending to dance to live music make sure the band know how you want the song to be played. Provide them with a CD copy of the song you would like to dance to so that they can familiarize themselves with it before the wedding day. Additionally, it would be wise to hear the band play in person or request a recording of their version of your chosen song so that you can be sure they are going to play an accurate version for your first dance.
♥ Alternatively you might prefer to copy a well-known dance routine (e.g. Dirty Dancing, Thriller, Pulp Fiction) and use the specific song which goes in tandem with it.
♥ Another decision you will need to make early on is whether or not you would like your choreographed first dance to be a secret or not. Part of the appeal is surely to see your guests’ shocked reactions on your wedding day as you wow them with your first dance?
♥ Once you have decided this, consider whether you would like to invite family members or members of your bridal party to participate in the dance with you (I say participate because under no circumstances should you force an unwilling groomsman, bridesmaid etc to take part in the first dance if they are at all reluctant!). If they are agreeable you could arrange group dance lessons (see the “Thriller” video for an example of how much fun you could have as a dancing troupe).
♥ Some people feel that the first dance is the bride and groom’s moment to shine in the spotlight and thus the wedding party should not be included in it. If you feel this way but want to include them in your dance routine somehow you could have them participate in the latter part of the routine (check out the Dirty Dancing routine where the bridal party joined in at the end of the dance – it was really effective, particularly as the groomsmen were able to assist the couple with perfecting the infamous lift at the end of the song!).
♥ Alternatively you could consider a second song for the wedding party to perform their own dance routine. I absolutely love this video of the bride’s father, brother, brother-in-law and groomsman replicating Ok Go’s dance routine to “Here It Goes Again” – what a fabulous way of entertaining your wedding guests. Your only fear with something like this happening at your wedding is that they will steal you and your spouse’s thunder on the dance floor!
♥ When learning the moves for your first dance try not to be overly ambitious. There is no point in you and your fiancé pushing yourselves beyond your comfort zone – you want to look happy and comfortable during your first dance not like a couple of deer caught in headlights! Be aware of your limitations and adapt the dance to suit you and your dancing ability. For example in one of the episodes of “First Dance” the groom-to-be suffered a bad back so he opted out of lifting his bride-to-be during the first dance routine they learnt.
The 3 minute rule
♥ One of the most important things to bear in mind when choosing the song to dance your first dance to is that less is always more! You don’t want to choose a song that lasts longer than 3 minutes or you run the risk of losing your audience’s attention.
♥ Just as wedding speeches should be kept short and sweet so that they don't bore your wedding guests, the same applies with your first dance. Ok, you might have spent months practicing the moves and you really want your guests to appreciate all of your hard work, but you can achieve this in 3 minutes – you don’t have to let the first dance drag on.
♥ Remember that your first dance is supposed to be a gift to your guests not a means of torturing them!
♥ If you do choose a song which lasts longer than 3 minutes, bear in mind that you do not need to dance to the entire song. Ask your DJ or nominated person in charge of music at your reception to cut the song or fade it out after a pre-determined point or if you are having a live band ask them to play a shortened version.
♥ Alternatively you could invite your wedding party or even your guests as a whole to join you on the dance floor for the latter part of the song. Just make a decision in advance of the wedding day and let your DJ or person in charge of your music know what is going to happen once your 3 minutes in the spotlight are up!
Practice makes perfect
♥ You should plan your first dance well in advance of your wedding as you will need as much practice as possible. Ideally you should begin practicing your first dance 6 months ahead of time. If this is not possible, at the very least you should start your private lessons or your own practice sessions at least 3 months in advance of your wedding.
♥ The earlier you start practicing your dance routine the more time you will have to make necessary changes before your wedding day. Having to make last-minute alterations to your choice of music, style of dance, etc are very likely to cause you stress (something couples certainly do not need in the weeks prior to their wedding day!).
♥ First Dance UK recommend that typically couples require 5 hours of lessons to learn a first dance routine.
♥ If you are involving friends and family in your first dance routine you must find time as a group to practice together. It can sometimes be tricky to schedule practice sessions for a large group. Make sure they can all commit to the practice sessions before you start learning your dance routine. It would be a shame if members of the group decided to pull out once you have started rehearsals.
♥ Get as much practice with your fiancé as you possibly can (at least twice a week). The more you rehearse your first dance the more comfortable and confident you will feel and look on the actual wedding day.
♥ If you are having private dance lessons, practice in between them at home. All you need is half an hour here and there and a bit of clear floor space.
♥ Whilst it is important that you get to know every beat of the music in your first dance song, choreographers recommend that you practice the dance routine without the music too - this will help you to focus solely on perfecting your dance moves.
♥ Remember that you are not a professional dance duo. Don’t be too hard on each other whilst you are learning and practicing your dance routine. It is inevitable that you will make mistakes but the important thing is to keep practicing and not fall out over it.
♥ In the run up to your wedding you want to be able to enjoy your dance lessons with your fiancé so make sure you allow enough time. Taking an hour out of your schedules once a week in the busy build up to your wedding will probably be beneficial to both of you. Your dance sessions can become a date night where you spend time together and enjoy each others company away from all of your other stresses, strains and wedding preparations.
Dress to impress
♥ It is important when planning your first dance to think carefully about what you will be wearing on your wedding day. You need to be able to comfortably perform all of your dance moves.
♥ Check the length of your wedding dress. If it is too long your dancing partner might step on it during the first dance. During your dress fittings check that your heels are not likely to get caught in its hem. Ideally the hem should be at least 1.5cm off the floor.
♥ If you have a wedding train be sure that you have the option to pin it up at the back or have it attached to your wrist to keep it swept up and out of the way during the first dance.
♥ You might find that the shape of your wedding dress dictates what style of dance you are able to perform. For example, if you have chosen a dramatic ball gown style with a full skirt are you really going to be able to participate in a swing dance? If you are wearing a low cut strapless wedding dress are you definitely going to be able to execute a backward bend during the first dance without showing more than a bride should?
♥ Is your dress tight fitting? Will you be able to dance comfortably in it?
♥ If you have any worries at all about your ability to perform your chosen dance routine in your wedding attire, let your dance teacher know.
♥ You might well find that some dance moves have to be moderated if your dress restricts them. For example, if you are unable to comfortably raise your arms in your wedding dress then you will be unable to incorporate spins into your dance routine as these require you to raise you arms above your head.
♥ Whilst watching one of the first dance videos on You Tube I couldn’t help but notice that every time the groom was spinning his bride on the dance floor both he and she were catching their hands and arms on her huge tiara. If you are wearing a tiara as part of your wedding attire choose one which is not going to hinder your all important dance moves. My advice is to have a practice waving your hands above your head when choosing a suitable tiara - you might get some strange looks in the shop but it will give you one less thing to worry about during your first dance.
♥ The best thing you can do when practicing your first dance is to dress in clothing similar to that which you intend to wear on your wedding day. In last week’s "First Dance" show the choreographer arranged for a mock-up of the bride’s fish-tail wedding dress to be made up in cheap fabric for her to practice in.
♥ If the groom-to-be intends on keeping his jacket on for the first dance then it makes sense that he should practice the dance routine in a jacket. This will be a great way for him to determine whether or not his dance moves will be restricted by wearing a jacket.
♥ It is also important to make sure that you feel comfortable dancing in your wedding shoes. You should wear the shoes you plan to wear for your actual first dance to your dance lessons. This is important, so that you not only have the chance to practice your dance routine in your wedding shoes but you will also be breaking them in so that they adjust and stretch to fit your feet prior to your big day.
♥ To avoid getting your wedding shoes damaged or scuffed during dance rehearsals you could wear a similar style of shoe to get used to the heel height etc or you could protect your actual wedding shoes by covering them with athletic socks or nylon stockings.
♥ For the groom it is very important that he makes sure that the soles of his wedding shoes are suitable for the proposed dance floor surface. The last thing you want is for the groom to be sliding about the dance floor (keep in mind the episode of Friends where Chandler surprises Monica by announcing he's been taking dancing lessons but his wedding shoes are so slippery, he is incapable of dancing!).
♥ Also, if the groom is going to be wearing patent leather shoes for the dance, make sure that you break them in prior to the wedding dance as they tend to squeak when rubbed together. The solution is to rub some petroleum jelly or even hair conditioner onto the shoes where they rub.
♥ If your shoes are too uncomfortable or impractical to perform your first dance in then there is nothing to stop you changing your footwear prior to the dance.
♥ The same goes for your clothing - there is no shame in changing into an alternative outfit to perform your first dance in if you feel more comfortable doing so. Changing your clothing could be beneficial if you are copying a known dance routine (the groom in the Dirty Dancing video on YouTube changed from his wedding outfit into a black vest top and trousers, so he totally looked the part). Consider your choice of clothes carefully – are you really going to feel relaxed body popping in your voluminous princess style wedding dress!
Get to know your dance floor
♥ The last thing you want before you perform your first dance on your wedding day are any last minute surprises so make sure you know the exact layout, size and shape of your wedding reception dance floor well in advance.
♥ Even if you cannot see the actual space in situ you can at least ask the hotel or venue manager for the measurements of the dance floor you will be using on your wedding day.
♥ If you have an idea of the size and shape your dance space will be you can practice and get used to dancing in the same amount of space. Whilst watching the show "First Dance" I noticed that the choreographer marked out the dimensions of the couple’s proposed wedding dance floor on the floor of her dance studio with tape for their practice sessions. This is a great idea as it means that if you are expecting to dance in an awkward shaped dance space on your wedding day you will be well used to it. You don’t want to run the risk of having your first dance cut short as you crash into a wall or collide with a pillar do you!
♥ The size of your dance space can influence what type of dance routine you are able to perform for your first dance. If the space is miniscule you might have to moderate your routine and do similar dance moves but on a smaller scale.
♥ If possible examine the dance space in person and try dancing on it (or at the very least walking on it) with your wedding shoes on. If your chosen dance space has a highly polished floor covering such as marble you might find it to be quite slippery to dance on (again, think of Chandler in Friends ending up in the splits position on the dance floor – not how you want your wedding guests to remember your first dance!). At least if you know what flooring you will be working with in advance you can adjust your dance routine accordingly.
♥ In the same vein, if your wedding reception is going to be outdoors make sure that there is going to be a proper dance floor installed for you on your wedding day. If performing your first dance on grass is your only option then make sure you have plenty of practice dancing on this type of surface (and remember that the bride will definitely have to forsake her high heeled wedding shoes unless she wants to get stuck in the grass!).
♥ When looking at your dance space you should plan where you are going to start and end your first dance. If you are using a professional choreographer take their advice as to what will work best on your wedding day.
♥ Once you have decided, make sure that the wedding reception venue staff, DJ/band members/person in charge of your music, photographer, videographer and anyone else assisting you with your first dance (including backing dancers) know precisely where you will be entering the dance floor and where you will be exiting. You want helpers who are aware of your surprise first dance to be able to direct the wedding guests to the dance floor area at the right time and position them appropriately without any guests, venue staff or band members encroaching on your dance space!
Things to remember in the run up to your wedding day
♥ Ensure your DJ, band leader or nominated person in charge of music at your wedding reception is clear about when you are starting your dance routine and what is happening at the end of it.
♥ You are better off performing your first dance at the beginning of your wedding reception’s entertainment. Once the dance is out of the way you can relax and enjoy the rest of the party.
♥ Make sure your DJ has the correct version of the song you want to dance to – sometimes songs have alternative and remixed versions. It’s probably best to provide the DJ with a CD of your song just to be on the safe side.
♥ Keep your reception venue fully informed of your plans for your first dance. Remind them that it is a secret from the rest of your wedding party and guests so that they do not ruin your surprise and also ask that the wait staff avoid the dance floor area for the duration of your first dance.
♥ Remember to let your photographer and/or videographer in on your secret dance routine. They will need advance notice so that they can find the best viewpoint at your wedding reception to capture your dazzling performance.
♥ Discuss with your photographer what style of photos you would prefer when it comes to your first dance. Full body shots of the two of you are preferable as you don’t want your fancy footwork to be overlooked in the photos!
♥ The same applies to your videographer if you are using one. Let them know the layout of the dance floor and discuss with them the best positioning for their video cameras.
♥ When you and your other half take to the dance floor for your first dance together as a married couple everyone is going to be watching – remember though it’s not just your wedding guests who might be witnessing your first dance. Newlyweds Julia Boggio and James Derbyshire received over 1.3 million views after the video of their first dance to the Dirty Dancing tune made it onto YouTube. What a novel idea and a surefire way to make your wedding reception not only stand out in every one of your wedding guest's minds in the years to come but also capture the interest of a million YouTube viewers!
Dance tips for on the day
♥ Your partner might feel nervous about dancing in front of all of your wedding guests - before the performance tell them how much you appreciate that they are participating in this with you and give them a reassuring hug.
♥ Take time before and during the first dance to encourage each other. A smile from you is sure to do wonders for your dance partner’s confidence levels.
♥ Walk onto the dance floor with confidence and hold yourself tall and proud.
♥ Even if you are concentrating hard on remembering your dance steps, make an effort to smile.
♥ Remember to look straight ahead and not at your feet when dancing (it is tempting to watch your feet if you are trying to perform complicated dance steps).
♥ Listen to the beat of the music and make sure that you keep in time with it.
♥ Whilst it is important that you maintain eye contact with your partner, try to enjoy the moment and look out at your audience too. It will give your confidence a great boost when you see all of those familiar faces cheering you on!
♥ Also, try to look towards the photographer and videographer when you get the opportunity so that they get some good shots of your face.
♥ Try to loosen up. I have witnessed first dance routines where the bride and groom are really stiff and unnatural looking and totally look like they wish they were somewhere else. Don’t let nerves get the better of you – after all your hard work try to enjoy your first dance and have some fun.
♥ To prevent blocking each others view as you dance, the bride should try to look diagonally to her right over the groom’s left shoulder.
♥ Never surprise your partner with unrehearsed moves on your wedding day. Whilst it is great to be innovative with your dance routine prior to your big day do not try to introduce new dance moves during the first dance. You run the risk of throwing your partner off course or worse still off balance!
♥ If anything goes wrong during the first dance just smile and keep going. So long as you look like you are having fun your guests will not even notice your mistakes.
♥ Remember that you are not contestants on “Strictly Come Dancing” or "Dancing With The Stars" - your wedding guests are not judging your dancing skills! These people witnessing your first dance love you and will be enjoying seeing the two of you dance for the first time as husband and wife – that overrides any dancing faux pas you may make.
♥ No matter how relieved you feel at the end of your first dance don’t forget the most important part of it – to give your dancing partner a well-deserved kiss!
I hope that these tips have helped you decide whether or not a dazzling first dance is for you. If you are considering putting together a dance routine for your wedding to surprise your guests then I recommend you watch the show “First Dance” which airs on Sunday at 7.00pm on UKTV Style.
If you follow my advice then your first dance should be exactly what it is supposed to be – a fun and romantic experience, the memories of which will last you a lifetime!
When a couple get married traditionally the bride changes her maiden name to her husband’s surname. This is certainly the most preferred option of brides I have met, bar a few who have kept their maiden names which they have built their careers under.
Changing your maiden name to your husband's surname is certainly the simplest option. It makes life easier once you are married to share the same surname (for social, financial and domestic matters) and much less confusing once you have children together. If you (or even your husband) are not keen on sticking with the tradition of you taking his name then how about one of the following options:
♥ You could use a double barreled combination of both of your surnames - this has become an increasingly popular choice amongst couples. The two elements of the new surname could either be linked by a hyphen or kept separate.
♥ How about using your surname as a middle name for both of you.
♥ You could “mesh” your maiden name with your husband’s surname to make a brand new surname for you both – it could be great fun choosing a new name together!
♥ Alternatively, if none of these options appeal to you both then there is no reason (if he is agreeable) why your husband cannot change his surname to your maiden name when you get married.
Although many couples in recent years have chosen to combine their last names it is still unusual for a man to take his wife’s surname upon marriage. Whilst I might have pondered this with newlywed friends and even discussed the topic of name changing with my own husband prior to our wedding, I have never really considered it to be a serious option (unless the man’s surname is so humiliating that it just is not an option for the bride to consider taking it!). I wondered after reading this story if it might well become a new wedding trend in years to come. According to wzzm13.com Seattle newlyweds Donna and Mike Salinger were met with chuckles and confusion from their wedding guests last November as they were announced on their wedding day with the wife’s surname. Mike bravely chose to take his wife's last name instead of her taking his.
"Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it would have caused as much of a stir as it did," says Mike Salinger, 27, who was married in November. "We knew people might be surprised, but we figured they'd say 'Huh' and get on with it.”
This is a very unique and modern idea and one which I don’t think should be ridiculed. Personally I think that with all of the new trends in weddings this break with the norm is refreshing.
According to abcnews.go.com in January of this year groom-to-be Michael Buday decided that he wanted to honor his fiancé’s family by taking her name upon their marriage. The only obstacle in his way was the law! Under California state law he needed to pay more than $300 and comply with their laborious and strict legal requirements before his name change could happen. He decided that this was unfair and alongside the ACLU decided to go to court to battle it out. Abcnews.go.com states that,
“California is one of 44 states with unequal name change laws for people getting married. Right now, only six states — Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Massachusetts, New York and North Dakota — explicitly allow a man to change his name through marriage with the same ease as a woman can.”
Is it right that women can change their names so easily upon marriage yet men are forced into an expensive and laborious labyrinth of red tape in the USA? Without doubt it is a lot easier for men in the UK as they need only execute a change of name by Deed Poll, pay up the £29.99 fee and this guarantees that their new surname is legal and accepted by everyone without question.
Whether newlyweds choose to merge names, create a completely new one or both be known by the bride’s surname, isn’t the most important thing that it should be personal choice for them how they wish themselves to be known upon their marriage?
As soon as word of your newly engaged status leaks out your friends and family will want to know if you intend on having an engagement party. Whilst throwing an engagement party is by no means necessary it does give you the perfect opportunity to officially announce your engagement and a chance to celebrate this exciting time with your friends and family. An engagement party is the first of many pre-wedding parties that you are likely to be the star of! Nowadays before you even make it up the aisle you are likely to be attending your own wedding shower, bachelorette/hen party, bridesmaids luncheon, rehearsal dinner and bridal brunch.
Advantages of throwing an engagement party:
♥ It gives you the perfect opportunity to officially announce your engagement.
♥ A party gives you a chance to celebrate your newly engaged status with your friends and family and show off your ring!
♥ It also provides an opportunity for both you and your partner’s family and friends and (if you have an inkling of who you might choose) your intended bridal party to meet each other prior to your wedding day.
♥ An engagement party provides a perfect excuse to get your friends and family together for some fun!
Here are some tips and ideas on how to throw a memorable engagement party.
Timing
Traditionally an engagement party is held up to two months after you become officially engaged. If you prefer you can choose to postpone organizing the engagement party until you have chosen a wedding date or until the wedding date you have chosen is closer.
Who is the host?
Traditionally it is the couple’s parents who organize and host an engagement party. However if it is not feasible for either set of parents to organize the party (if they don’t live in the same town as the couple or if there are any awkward family relationships) it is acceptable for a friend or family member to host the event. It is also worth keeping in mind that it is becoming increasingly popular for couples to organize the party themselves. This is a great idea particularly if you want to surprise your guests with your engagement news at the actual party (you could send out party invitations without revealing the true reason behind the celebration). There are no hard and fast rules, so do whatever is appropriate for you. Try not to offend anyone though if they offer to host an engagement party for you. Make the decision of what you and your fiancé want and politely decline any other offers. Something to bear in mind is that whoever hosts the party is also expected to foot the bill, so think long and hard if your parents or a generous relative or friend is offering to throw a party for you! Remember too that if someone else actually hosts your engagement party it will allow you and your fiancé the freedom to circulate at the party rather than greeting guests, taking coats and serving food and drinks.
Party Budget
Work out whether you want a small or large scale engagement party and calculate a budget for it. Write down all the elements of the party including the invitation, the food, the drink, the entertainment and the decorations. Be realistic if you are paying for the event yourself. You don’t want to be still paying for the engagement party once you are into the wedding planning stage!
Venue
Engagement parties can be as formal or as casual as you choose. The purpose is to celebrate your engagement with those who are close to you, not to spend copious amounts of cash on food, drinks and party decorations. Try to keep in mind that some of the most enjoyable and memorable engagement parties are simple low-key events. That being said, if you or your parents have your hearts set on a full-blown elaborate sit-down dinner at a classy restaurant then I’m sure your guests will be more than happy to join you at such an event. You might prefer to have a formal engagement party for your parents and then a more casual party with your friends. It is completely up to you. Here are some ideas for celebrating your engagement:
♥ If it is within the host’s budget then how about a brunch or lunch buffet at your favorite restaurant.
♥ If you want something less formal then how about a casual cocktail party at your local bar. You could block off a room for a private party at your local bar and provide cocktails and hors d'oeuvres.
Remember that with either of these options you cannot under any circumstances ask your party guests to pay for anything.
Here are some popular options which are more affordable if you are on a tight budget:
♥ The most popular venue for engagement parties is at the home of either the couple or their parents. At home engagement party ideas include:
♥ Host a champagne or cocktail party with a casual buffet or hors d'oeuvres. Serve tasty food that is easy to eat and serve. For menu ideas take a look at Entertaining.about.com. If you prefer you can call in a professional caterer who will be able to devise an engagement themed menu and provide staff to serve and clean up at the party.
♥ With regard to drinks concoct some romantic themed cocktails and ensure that wine, beer and soft drinks are also available. You can bulk buy these from a discount or club store.
♥ You could just serve a selection of delicious desserts with drinks.
♥ Host a cheese and wine themed party.
♥ A backyard barbecue is the most common style of outdoor engagement party. Decorate your backyard with strings of fairylights and candles in the evening to create a romantic atmosphere.
♥ How about a group picnic in the park, on the beach or at another scenic local area, such as a vineyard, a museum or on a party boat. Try to choose somewhere that has a special significance to you both (e.g. the scene of your first date).
♥ Host a simple afternoon tea party. You could provide an assortment of teas, coffee and sandwiches served on pretty platters and decorated cakes displayed on elegant cake stands.
♥ To add a further element of fun to your party how about hosting a themed engagement party. There are many different themes which you could choose from but my favorite would be a Mexican theme (you could have a Mariachi band, hire a margarita machine (check out MrMargarita.com for details), have piñatas and serve Mexican food!). Just because you choose to celebrate your engagement with a theme your guests will not automatically assume that you are likely to use the same theme for your wedding!
♥ Remember that if you are hosting an engagement party at your home then you must make sure that there is enough parking space available for your guests. If you are planning a large-scale party perhaps you should consider hiring a valet service
Decoration
Just because you might be on a tight budget does not mean that you cannot be creative with decorations for your engagement party.
♥ Decorate the engagement party venue with photo collages of the two of you including photos of you both growing up and once you met one another.
♥ Use romantic yet inexpensive decorations such as heart-shaped balloons, red tablecloths and napkins, banners, heart-shaped chocolates or candies in elegant bowls and candles casting a soft atmospheric glow.
♥ Order a pretty cake with either a photo of the two of you printed on it or simply with your names upon it.
♥ Whilst you have all of your potential wedding guests in one place (and if you have decided on a wedding date) why not hand out save-the-date magnets or candies. For cute save-the-date ideas check out my blog on this topic.
♥ You could use flowers to provide a stunning centerpiece on your engagement party serving tables or simply place vases of flowers around the room.
Invitations
Choosing engagement invitations is a lot more fun than choosing wedding invitations so make the most of it! There are no ground rules with these party invites – they can be formal, informal, or even made verbally. Once you decide on a date and venue for the party let your guests know so that they can mark their calendar. By sending out an invitation you are also giving them a chance to RSVP. You will need to have an idea of how many people you will be catering for.
You could create unique party invitations by using your engagement photo or a photo of the two of you together. If you are planning on having a themed engagement party (e.g. a barbeque, tea party or a Mexican party) you can use this as a basis for the style of your party invitation. If you are planning on making your own party invitations you might find it helpful to check out the sample invitation wordings at Chelseapaper.com or Announcingit.com.
Guest List
How many guests you invite to your engagement party is up to you (and whoever is hosting the party), your budget and the number of people your venue will allow. Etiquette dictates that anyone who is invited to the engagement party must also be invited to the wedding. If it is the case that even at this stage you are thinking that your wedding will be an intimate family-orientated affair then you should make those non-family guests you have invited to your engagement party aware of this so that there are no surprises for them when your wedding invitations are sent out.
Gifts
It is common knowledge that gifts should definitely not be expected at an engagement party. However it is likely that some guests will want to buy you something. If you do decide to register for gifts at this early stage of your wedding planning, do not put the registry information on the engagement party invitation. Let your parents know where you're registered in case people ask them (see my blog for further advice on this). If you don’t know what type of gifts to register for then how about asking for engagement gifts which will help you to organize and plan your upcoming wedding (e.g. a subscription to a wedding website, a subscription to a bridal magazine, tickets to a local wedding show, books on wedding planning).
If receiving gifts would make you uncomfortable you might prefer to explicitly state on the party invitation that engagement gifts are not necessary.
Entertaining your party guests
Contrary to popular belief you do not have to subject guests at your engagement party to endless cheesy party games. The most important thing is that your family and friends get to know one another in a fun and relaxed atmosphere. Here are a few simple ideas of how to entertain your guests and hopefully encourage them to mingle.
♥ If it’s a daytime barbeque or picnic you are hosting, then why not organize an outdoor sporting event such as a game of softball, volleyball or even croquet for your guests. This will give them the perfect opportunity to bond.
♥ Just as you would at any party try to make introductions between guests and point out possible common interests.
♥ You can use visual props as icebreakers at your party. For example type up your engagement story and the story of how you met, frame it and display it for the guests to read. This will be sure to get them talking.
♥ Arrange to have an official engagement photo taken of you and then display it at your engagement party. A cute idea is also to display old photos of you and your fiancé as children, when you were growing up and when you first got together. This is traditionally a great conversation starter.
♥ To give your guests a heads up on who is who and your families structure display a family tree showing both families.
♥ Music at a party definitely enhances the atmosphere and encourages guests to interact. If you are hosting a large-scale party then how about organizing a live jazz band, a Mariachi band (perfect for a Mexican themed party), a pianist or a classical musician (violin, harp, acoustic guitar etc). Choose musical entertainment to match the theme and style of your party.
♥ By throwing the party in the evening your guests are more likely to relax and let go of their inhibitions and will be more inclined to get up and dance.
♥ If you have already started planning your wedding by the time the engagement party comes around then why not create a video photo montage including in it pictures of the church or wedding venue, the intended reception venue, your chosen transportation and other wedding planning ideas you have had. If you have decided on your bridal attendants you could even include footage of each of them to introduce them to your friends and family. This will give your guests a taster of the upcoming wedding.
♥ It is definitely a good idea to set up a microphone so that your host can make a toast to you both. If you place it in a prominent location it will encourage guests, as the party progresses, to make spontaneous toasts to you both.
♥ If you want to save money then rather than hiring an official photographer, why not ask a family member or friend who is reliable and has a certain amount of expertise with a camera to capture your engagement party for posterity in pictures or even on video. Alternatively ask party guests with cameras to share their photos with you after the party. It’s great to have photos as a keepsake of such a special event.
♥ I read about this idea on a wedding forum and I thought it sounded great. You provide two large white sheets of poster board and write "Wedding Advice From the Women" across the top of one and "Wedding Advice From the Men" on the other with a heavy marker pen. Attach a pen to each board and encourage your party guests to leave notes about things they learned while planning their own weddings or simply wedding planning suggestions from non-married guests. Not only will this give guests an opportunity to offer you their advice but you will inevitably come away with lots of helpful information which will serve you well in the upcoming wedding planning stages! If you want something less obtrusive than poster boards you could use pretty stationary or even index cards on a table at the party instead. You could stick them into an engagement scrapbook after the party alongside your photos and other engagement mementoes.
For more unique ideas on how to encourage your party guests to mingle check out my blog on this subject.
Don’t get stressed out by the details of your engagement party. Make the most of this special time before the ensuing chaos of planning your actual wedding begins! Organize a party that feels right for you and your fiancé. If you are relaxed and enjoying yourself then your family and friends are sure to have a great time too!
The last but most important piece of advice I can give you is to relax, enjoy your engagement party and have a good time with your friends and family. Remember that they are all there to celebrate your love and upcoming nuptials not to judge you on your choice of party nibbles!
Congratulations - I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating your engagement!
Congratulations! Without a doubt getting engaged is one of the most exciting moments of your life. You have decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and overnight you have changed status from being simply a girlfriend/boyfriend to a fiancé! After the initial excitement (and perhaps shock) of being engaged has settled you will inevitably want to share your fantastic news with those closest to you. If you are ready to share your news with your family, friends and the world at large then here are a few tips on how best to spread the good news.
How to break the news
When you are ready to share your engagement news with the world you initially have to decide how you want to make your announcement. Here are your options:
♥ A personal announcement is always preferable if you live near the announcee. If possible try to both be present when you make the announcement to family and friends, that way they can congratulate you both together!
♥ If logistically you are unable to see the announcee in person then a popular alternative is a personal phone call. This is the most personal way to break the news of your engagement to out of town family and friends.
♥ Sending e-mails is now an accepted method of making your engagement announcement. This is a quick and convenient way of sharing your news with all of your family and friends, particularly those who live in far flung corners of the world.
♥ Setting up a wedding website is popular as it enables you to share every detail of your proposal story with your friends and family all at once. These websites also allow you to swiftly communicate details about your upcoming wedding to all of your friends and family and even display your engagement photo on it. You can create a wedding website for free - have a look on the internet (TheKnot.com provide a great free wedding webpage with stylish designs and lots of helpful wedding planning tools).
♥ For some you might find that writing a personal letter is the perfect way of announcing your engagement. Bear in mind that if you intend on writing letters to all of your family and friends you might well end up with very sore hands! In certain circumstances where you want to share your engagement news with someone but would prefer not to speak to them in person (e.g. the family of your late spouse, a friend who is recently divorced etc.) then a handwritten letter is wholly appropriate.
♥ Surprise your family with an announcement at a family dinner party.
♥ Alternatively you might prefer to throw an engagement party which could be hosted by yourselves, by your parents or by friends. You can choose to either announce your engagement in the party invitations you send out or make a surprise announcement during the party. Engagement parties do not have to be formal, stuffy or expensive affairs - you could have a backyard barbeque or a drinks party at a local bar. A party is definitely a fun way to spread your engagement news, celebrate your newly engaged status and show off your engagement ring!
Top Tip:When compiling a guest list for your party bear in mind that those who you invite will probably expect an invitation to your wedding too.
Top Tip: Although they are not obliged to, it is entirely feasible that some friends and family will want to buy you an engagement gift. If you prefer not to register for gifts at a store this early then you can decline their offers and even, print “gifts not requested” on the party invitations. Alternatively you can explain that you do not intend to register for gifts until nearer the wedding date but that you intend to register at stores “X” and “Y” - at least that way they can buy you some gift vouchers if they insist on celebrating your engagement by buying you a gift.
♥ Whilst mailing out formal announcement cards used to be the traditional way of notifying family and friends of your engagement, this is now less popular. The reason for this is that nowadays couples are realizing that by sending these cards they run the risk of the recipient misinterpreting it as an invitation to their wedding. If guest lists are far from your mind at this stage of your initial wedding planning then err on the side of caution and do not send out formal engagement announcement notices. You can send out more details about the wedding later on when you have had a chance to decide who you would like to invite to your wedding.
♥ If you would like to announce your engagement to the general public then you should consider a traditional newspaper announcement in your local paper.
Top Tips for placing a newspaper announcement
♥ Your first step should be to decide which newspaper you want the announcement to appear in. You might want it submit it to your own local paper as well as that of your parents.
♥ If your wedding is being planned for soon after the engagement then get the announcement in to the newspaper as early as possible as it can take up to a month for it to appear in print.
♥ Once you have decided which newspaper, contact their lifestyle or society editor to establish their submission policy. Questions to ask are what are their guidelines, fees (some newspapers run the announcement for free!) and deadlines.
Top tip: Always check the newspaper’s submission policy as they do vary between publications.
♥ Some newspapers allow photos of the engaged couple, so it is worth checking what their policy is on this. Ask if the photo must be black and white or color and check to see if you can email the photo to them (this will save you from having to provide them with your original photo which you might well not get back and also avoids the risk of the photo getting lost in the mail).
♥ Decide who the announcement is being made by; your parents, your fiancé’s parents or by you and your fiancé.
♥ Your announcement should include the following information:
♦ You and your fiancé’s full names, hometowns and (if you wish) brief education and career credentials.
♦ Each sets of parent’s full names. Include your parents’ hometowns if they do not live in the same town as you or each other.
♦ The wedding date or even simply the year you intend to get married.
♦ The city and state in which you intend your wedding to take place.
♥ If you have not yet made the decision as to wedding date and location then you do not have to include this information at this stage. If you have decided on the month or year your wedding is due to take place then the following wording could be used instead:
“A fall wedding is planned/An April wedding is planned/The wedding is set to take place in 2008”.
♥ Here are some sample wordings for your newspaper announcement:
The Bride's Family
Mr. and Mrs. Nigel Jones of Geneva announce the engagement of their daughter, Ella to Ray Sparks, son of Tom and Kath Sparks of Milwaukee. Ms. Jones graduated …… etc.
Divorced Parents
Mr. Nigel Jones, of Geneva, and Ms. Hannah Salter, of Elgin, announce the engagement of their daughter, Ella to Ray Sparks. Ms. Jones graduated …… etc.
Single Parent
Ms. Hannah Salter announces the engagement of her daughter, Ella Jones to Ray Sparks, the son of Tom and Kath Sparks of Milwaukee. Ms. Jones is also the daughter of Nigel Jones of Geneva. Ms. Jones graduated …… etc.
Remarried Parent
Ms. Hannah Salter and Mr. Bob Clackett announce the engagement of Ms. Salter’s daughter Ella Jones to Ray Sparks. Ms. Jones …….. etc.
Deceased Parent
Mrs. Hannah Jones announces the engagement of her daughter, Ella to Ray Sparks. Ms. Jones, also the daughter of the late Nigel Jones, graduated from the University of Harvard and is a kindergarten teacher at Busy Bees in Elgin. Mr. Sparks, the son of Tom and Kath Sparks, graduated from the University of Michigan and is a sales executive with the Nectar Corporation in Elgin.
Announcement by the Bride and Groom
Ella Jones, a graduate of Harvard University, is to be married to Ray Sparks, a graduate of Michigan University. Ms. Jones, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Nigel Jones, is a kindergarten teacher at Busy Bees in Elgin. Mr. Sparks is a sales executive with the Nectar Corporation in Elgin.
♥ Nowadays many newspapers allow you to fill in an online submissions form. If this service is not available to you then the best way to avoid handwriting discrepancies is to type up the engagement announcement for submission to the newspaper.
♥ Ask to see a proof copy for approval before it goes to print to check for mistakes.
Who to tell first
Traditional wedding etiquette dictates that you should share your engagement news in the following order:
If you have children
♥ Once you are engaged the first people you should tell are your children. You definitely need their support, if not their approval, of your future nuptials before you can start making any plans.
♥ You should inform your children of your engagement as soon as possible so that they have plenty of time to adjust to the idea. We are bombarded by the media, particularly by television shows such as "The Brady Bunch", with images of perfectly blended stepfamilies. Of course there will be tears and turbulence as your family unit changes size with your upcoming wedding but becoming a proper united family is not an unattainable feat - it just needs time and perseverance!
♥ You should definitely let your children decide for themselves if they want to participate in your wedding.
Your parents
♥ Traditionally the bride’s parents are informed first of the engagement, then the grooms immediately afterwards.
Your family and close friends
♥ Next you should let your grandparents, siblings and other close relatives and friends know about your engagement. Of course if you want to break the news to them all at once then a surprise announcement at a party or family dinner would be the perfect way of achieving this.
Top Tip: When deciding who to announce your engagement to first consider whether any of your friends or family would be miffed at not being told your news immediately.
If you are divorced
♥ If you are divorced without children then there is no need for you to mention your upcoming marriage to your ex-spouse unless you are on good terms with them and keep in touch with each others news.
♥ If you are divorced with children then you must let your ex-spouse know about your upcoming nuptials. If your children are old enough then you can ask if they would prefer to tell their parent about your wedding or if they want you to break the happy news. You should try to let your ex-spouse know as soon as possible after you have told your children about your engagement, so that your children do not have to keep it a secret and will free to discuss your upcoming wedding openly.
♥ If you are not on speaking terms with your ex then you could put your news in a letter to them and mention that you have explained it to your children and that your wish is for your children to be a part of your wedding day. Although as co-parent you don’t need permission for your own children to participate in your wedding ceremony, it would make things easier all round if your ex-spouse was consulted at an early stage so that any objections could be aired and discussed and you could guarantee their full co-operation with your upcoming wedding plans.
If you are a widow or widower
♥ If your first spouse died then you will need to be sensitive to your deceased spouse's families' feelings. Out of respect for the family you should let them know in person (if you have children by your deceased spouse and remain in constant contact with the family) or by letter (if you have become distant from them and are not used to telephoning them or seeing them in person) that you are remarrying.
♥ Whether or not you invite your deceased spouse's family to your wedding is a very delicate etiquette issue. If your children (their grandchildren) are participating in your wedding then consider whether they would enjoy attending so that they could see this. Use your own judgment as to whether you think it would stir up too many sad memories for them (and you). Encore weddings do present social and emotional issues such as this - it comes with the territory I'm afraid!
Top Tip: When breaking your engagement news try not to upstage anyone. Making the announcement during someone else’s party or celebration may not be appropriate – consider whether they will welcome sharing the limelight with you and your fiancé beforehand or even discuss it with them in private. The last thing you want is for your news announcement to be thought of as stealing someone else’s thunder!
Top Tip: Remember that whilst your engagement is thrilling for you and your fiancé, not everyone you know will share your excitement. Try not to let any negative reactions diffuse your happiness.
Top Tip: If you are making the announcement to a friend or family member who has fresh wounds from their own recent divorce or loss of a partner, then try to break the news to them as sensitively as possible. You want your news to be met with tears of joy rather than a maelstrom of grief-stricken sobbing!
Finally, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to enjoy being engaged! Try not to get too caught up with who to tell and how to tell them - remember, you should choose a way of telling the world that you are engaged which suits your own personalitiesand makes you both comfortable and happy. This is a special time for you both, so relax and enjoy it!
Marks & Spencer’s are already an easily affordable one-stop shop for couples planning their weddings with their range of wedding products and services available, including stationary, insurance, lingerie and accessories, flowers and cakes. Now they have taken a bigger bite out of the wedding pie by launching a range of wedding dresses ranging in price from £59-£150 - perfect for the bride-to-be on a budget!
The new collection of bridal and occasionwear will be available at M&S stores and online in March 2007. The collection consists of wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses, grooms' suits, page boys’ outfits and occasionwear for guests and other attendants. According to a review at Fashionunited.co.uk brides-to-be can choose from a range of five wedding dresses which include full length and knee length skirts and strappy and bustier style dresses in classic white or cream. Take a look at one of the dresses yourself at Bridalwave.tv. I personally think that M&S’s dresses will sell very well. It’s great that modern brides are being offered the option of choosing a more affordable wedding dress. It’s about time that the wedding dress market realized that they need to make wedding dresses available to suit every pocket and every style of bride.
According to lse.co.uk the average bride spends £826 on her wedding dress. This is a huge amount of money to spend on a dress which will only be worn once, even if the wedding dress is one of the main focal points at a wedding. Every bride wants her chance to play dress-up and shine like a fairytale princess or a Hollywood star on her wedding day, but nowadays there is no need for you to spend such a huge proportion of your wedding budget just to get yourself a beautiful dress. With the advent of the new ranges of off-the-peg wedding dresses being produced by stores such as Asda, H&M and M&S you can grab yourself an elegant wedding dress without having to compromise on style and fashion and most importantly without having to pay designer prices!
Back in October I wrote about a site called Bloglines.com that I use to keep me up to date with all the wedding industry news on a daily basis. I highlighted the ease with which it is possible for me to read various stories without having to visit the actual web sites if I don’t want to. This all happens due to the magic of RSS (Really Simple Syndication) feeds, certainly every blog has such a feed – though not all web sites do. This might not be news to everyone, but for those brides discovering it for the first time you will certainly enjoy the luxury of having all your news in one place.
One site I am always excited to hear the latest news from is the Wedding Podcast Network (WPN), at WeddingPodcastNetwork.com, run by husband and wife team Robert Allen and Holli Ehrlich. They provide an alternative to mainstream wedding planning advice in a portable, on-demand format you can listen to where ever you are. WPN allows brides and grooms to easily listen to advice on wedding planning and obtain valuable information in an entertaining and educational format that can be downloaded to an iPod, MP3 player, mobile phone or on the computer free of charge. I love the idea of downloadable audio giving me the opportunity to control which specific wedding programs I hear, when, and even where.
Robert Allen, WPN co-founder and executive producer says:
“We wanted to establish an authoritative resource for brides and grooms that are planning their wedding, but realize they have busy lives, whether they are commuting to work, working out at the gym or running errands. Wedding Podcast Network is like listening to wedding talk radio on-demand on your iPod or computer.”
Robert and Holli offer not only authoritative but also entertaining and fun shows to listen to. You can keep copies of your favourite shows and play them over and over again.
The Wedding Podcast Network features seven original internet radio programs including:
♥ Bridal Scene - Listen To Show Here - Trends and happenings including exclusive, behind-the-scenes interviews from the industry’s premier shows and events. Some of the subjects of on-site guest interviews have included bridal registry trends, destination weddings, bridal beauty, scrapbooking, invitations and honeymoons. Recents podcasts include a couple of entertaining shows from the Bridal Market in New York City (part 1 and 2).
♥ Lovecast - Listen To Show Here - Relationship advice from The Love Doctor, Dr. Terri. Dr. Terri teaches listeners how to accept differences, communicate, and resolve conflicts. Fun quizzes, valuable advice and important life lessons about one’s significant other and each other's families are part of the programming. Men and women differ greatly how they talk about the relationship with their partner - listen to these podcasts to find out why!
♥ Newlywedcast - Listen To Show Here - Real couples recount their wedding stories and share firsthand advice from a purely personal perspective. Listeners hear unique proposal stories, surprising confessions, original ideas
and secrets to planning a successful wedding. Listen to newlyweds, Kim and Quint, share the details of their April destination wedding in Lake Tahoe, California and wedding at the Sugar Bowl Ski Resort. Or how Jamie and Daniel planned their wedding in just 4 days!
♥ Wedding Workout - Listen To Show Here - This fitness-focused podcast offers advice and tips on how to lose a size and get gown ready before the walk down the aisle. So get pumped! get motivated! and become a buff bride today! Listen to Real Pilates owner Alycea Ungaro discuss how exercise is an enormous stress reliever which is critical during wedding planning.
♥ Grooms with a View - Listen To Show Here - Grooms offer their perspective on the big day. In the first show Craig Michaels, author of Thirty to Wife (see my review here), talks about what every prospective groom should expect at a wedding. Craig shares some great cost saving ideas without cheapening the affair.
♥ Planet Bride - Listen To Show Here – Michelle and Henry Roth, sister and brother design duo, share their three generations of family bridal tradition and take you on a unique wedding planning journey. Hear how to get real and how to deal from a pair that know the wedding business like no other. In their first show Henry & Michelle discuss the ever important pivotal component that sets the tone for the whole wedding - the wedding dress!
If you have any questions about RSS and podcasts just pop me an email and I will do my best to help.
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Traditionally it is the couple’s parents who organize and host an engagement party. However if it is not feasible for either set of parents to organize the party (if they don’t live in the same town as the couple or if there are any awkward family relationships) it is acceptable for a friend or family member to host the event. It is also worth keeping in mind that it is becoming increasingly popular for couples to organize the party themselves. This is a great idea particularly if you want to surprise your guests with your engagement news at the actual party (you could send out party invitations without revealing the true reason behind the celebration). There are no hard and fast rules, so do whatever is appropriate for you. Try not to offend anyone though if they offer to host an engagement party for you. Make the decision of what you and your fiancé want and politely decline any other offers. Something to bear in mind is that whoever hosts the party is also expected to foot the bill, so think long and hard if your parents or a generous relative or friend is offering to throw a party for you! Remember too that if someone else actually hosts your engagement party it will allow you and your fiancé the freedom to circulate at the party rather than greeting guests, taking coats and serving food and drinks.
♥ Host a champagne or cocktail party with a casual buffet or hors d'oeuvres. Serve tasty food that is easy to eat and serve. For menu ideas take a look at 
♥ To add a further element of fun to your party how about hosting a themed engagement party. There are many different themes which you could choose from but my favorite would be a Mexican theme (you could have a Mariachi band, hire a margarita machine (check out 
♥ Use romantic yet inexpensive decorations such as heart-shaped balloons, red tablecloths and napkins, banners, heart-shaped chocolates or candies in elegant bowls and candles casting a soft atmospheric glow.
How many guests you invite to your engagement party is up to you (and whoever is hosting the party), your budget and the number of people your venue will allow. Etiquette dictates that anyone who is invited to the engagement party must also be invited to the wedding. If it is the case that even at this stage you are thinking that your wedding will be an intimate family-orientated affair then you should make those non-family guests you have invited to your engagement party aware of this so that there are no surprises for them when your wedding invitations are sent out.