Hi Everyone,

I received this question:

First and foremost I wanted to thank you for your site being so helpful and the best wedding advice ever! I will definitely be using your site to help me arrange my own wedding!

The question that I have for you is not for my wedding, however, but for my mother's. She is getting remarried in the VERY near future and my 2 brothers and I are completely stumped with the question of what to get them as a wedding gift. Our situation is that my brothers and I are all in our early 20's and don't have a lot to spend on a wedding gift. Our budget would be around $500.

In addition to that, they are moving to Greece right after, which makes it much harder to think of a good wedding gift. I've searched online for hours, but no website has any tips for good wedding gift ideas for your parent(s). So, I was wondering if you had any good ideas up your sleeve and could help me out.

This was my reply:

Many thanks for your kind comments about my website. I’m really pleased that you enjoy reading my wedding blogs.

I have a couple of suggestions to make with regard to solving your wedding gift dilemma for your Mother and future Step-father at their upcoming wedding. I think that $500 is a perfectly reasonable budget for a gift from you and your brothers so don’t worry about that - the most perfect wedding gift can sometimes be the least expensive option on offer. Have a think about what sentiment you want to convey with your wedding gift. Do you want it to be something fun and unique or do you want it to be a sentimental reminder of their special day? Here are some ideas:

Gift Certificate

♥ Two of the most stressful things couples experience in life are getting married and moving home. If your Mother and her fiancé are doing both in the upcoming months then it sounds like they could definitely use a bit of pampering once the wedding and house move are completed. How about a gift certificate for a luxurious 5 star resort in Greece. I imagine that not only will this be appreciated by the newlyweds as a welcome chance to de-stress and relax but it will also allow them to experience another area of Greece which they might not otherwise have chosen to visit. Most of the luxury hotels in Greece offer gift certificates. Be sure to ask when booking whether the certificates can be used for spa treatments and dining as well as for overnight stays at the hotel. Gift certificates are usually valid for up to 2 years so the newlyweds don’t have to feel pressurized into booking their pampering treatment/overnight break straight away. Check out Greek hotels resorts and spa information at websites such as Relaischateaux.com or Myconiancollection.gr.

Ship It

♥ Traditionally second time brides and grooms have already have set up their own households so I assume that your Mother and her fiancé will not need traditional wedding registry items such as toasters, kettles and towels. However, if there are any practical home goods or other items which your Mother or her fiancé have expressed an interest in then do not feel put off. You could buy the gift and follow either of the options below:

♥ Arrange to have the gift shipped to the newlyweds’ new home in Greece. This is perfect if the newlyweds are emigrating shortly after the wedding but if their move is not for a few months you might prefer to present them with the wedding gift on their wedding day.

♥ Alternatively you could buy the gift, give it to them on their wedding day and additionally provide them with a shipping gift certificate to cover the cost of shipping the item to Greece as and when they move. Iomoi.stores.yahoo.net offers shipping gift certificates in denominations of $5 (they have a handy facility for calculating how much your chosen item will cost to ship to Greece).

Picture It

♥ If you want to give the newlyweds something a bit more heartfelt and sentimental then why not arrange to have a formal photo session with you and your brothers. I’m sure that your Mother and her new husband would love to receive a beautifully framed photo. You could choose an elegant silver frame and have it engraved with a special wedding message from the three of you. Do bear in mind that not all formal photo sessions result in cheesy “posed” photos. Choose a photographer who is willing to let you all relax and be yourselves, strike some fun poses and allow the photographer to capture your true personalities that your Mother knows and loves. If you are considering this option then remember that image proofs are usually available three weeks after the photo session - so make sure you organize this well in advance of the wedding.

♥ Alternatively, if you like the idea of presenting the newlyweds with a photo frame but are not keen on a framed portrait of yourself and your brothers then how about giving an engraved elegant photo frame on its own or insert into it a photo of the happy couple pre-wedding.

♥ Another low-cost variation on the photo idea is to use family photos and photos of your Mother and her partner during their early years together and produce a custom-made photo book. Websites such as www.shutterfly.com allow you to upload your digital photos onto their site and then create your own hard-cover photo album. This would not only make a lovely keepsake for the newlyweds but would be easy for them to transport to Greece.

Expat Gift Hamper

♥ As your Mother and her new husband are planning on emigrating to Greece then how about a gift certificate from a company which will provide them with a taste of home. If they get homesick for their favorite US treats they can simply log on to the internet in Greece and order them to be shipped to their new home. American shopping services for expats such as Americanfoodworldwide.com allow them to shop online for all of their favorite foods from a regular American supermarket.

Gift Basket

♥ To keep within your budget you could consider putting together a basket or hamper filled with appropriate gifts for the newlyweds. Think about their personalities, hobbies and things they like when choosing gifts for the package. You could include:

♥ A Greek or American cookbook (one to give her some tips and advice on how to prepare and cook the classic local cuisine of her new home and one to remind her of the traditional recipes of her former home)

♥ Personalized stationery (and air mail stamps!)

♥ Personalized luggage tags

♥ You could even include practical and fun items for their new lifestyle in Greece such as sunglasses, sun-hats, a guidebook for Greece, an electronic multi-language translator, beach towels or even some “Just Married” sandals for your Mother and her partner to get some wear from whilst strolling on Greece’s beautiful beaches. Remember to include plenty of lightweight items which will not be too heavy for them to transport to Greece.

♥ If all else fails you could give the newlyweds some American Express Gift Cheques. They are useable to buy virtually anything so they could use them to pay for whatever they wanted once they have moved (e.g. furniture for their new home in Greece, money towards their return flights back to visit you and your brothers, an island hopping trip in Greece).

A lot of people attending their parent's encore weddings get caught up in what constitutes an appropriate gift for the newlyweds. The essential thing to remember is that a gift, no matter how much it costs, will always be appreciated if some thought has been put into it. Remember that the wedding gift you and your brothers choose to give to your Mother and her new husband is a token of your celebration of their wedding day and their new life together.

I hope that this helps and that you and your brothers manage to find the perfect wedding gift for your Mother and her husband-to-be.

Good luck!

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As soon as word of your newly engaged status leaks out your friends and family will want to know if you intend on having an engagement party. Whilst throwing an engagement party is by no means necessary it does give you the perfect opportunity to officially announce your engagement and a chance to celebrate this exciting time with your friends and family. An engagement party is the first of many pre-wedding parties that you are likely to be the star of! Nowadays before you even make it up the aisle you are likely to be attending your own wedding shower, bachelorette/hen party, bridesmaids luncheon, rehearsal dinner and bridal brunch.

Advantages of throwing an engagement party:

♥ It gives you the perfect opportunity to officially announce your engagement.

♥ A party gives you a chance to celebrate your newly engaged status with your friends and family and show off your ring!

♥ It also provides an opportunity for both you and your partner’s family and friends and (if you have an inkling of who you might choose) your intended bridal party to meet each other prior to your wedding day.

♥ An engagement party provides a perfect excuse to get your friends and family together for some fun!

Here are some tips and ideas on how to throw a memorable engagement party.

Timing

Traditionally an engagement party is held up to two months after you become officially engaged. If you prefer you can choose to postpone organizing the engagement party until you have chosen a wedding date or until the wedding date you have chosen is closer.

Who is the host?

Traditionally it is the couple’s parents who organize and host an engagement party. However if it is not feasible for either set of parents to organize the party (if they don’t live in the same town as the couple or if there are any awkward family relationships) it is acceptable for a friend or family member to host the event. It is also worth keeping in mind that it is becoming increasingly popular for couples to organize the party themselves. This is a great idea particularly if you want to surprise your guests with your engagement news at the actual party (you could send out party invitations without revealing the true reason behind the celebration). There are no hard and fast rules, so do whatever is appropriate for you. Try not to offend anyone though if they offer to host an engagement party for you. Make the decision of what you and your fiancé want and politely decline any other offers. Something to bear in mind is that whoever hosts the party is also expected to foot the bill, so think long and hard if your parents or a generous relative or friend is offering to throw a party for you! Remember too that if someone else actually hosts your engagement party it will allow you and your fiancé the freedom to circulate at the party rather than greeting guests, taking coats and serving food and drinks.

Party Budget

Work out whether you want a small or large scale engagement party and calculate a budget for it. Write down all the elements of the party including the invitation, the food, the drink, the entertainment and the decorations. Be realistic if you are paying for the event yourself. You don’t want to be still paying for the engagement party once you are into the wedding planning stage!

Venue

Engagement parties can be as formal or as casual as you choose. The purpose is to celebrate your engagement with those who are close to you, not to spend copious amounts of cash on food, drinks and party decorations. Try to keep in mind that some of the most enjoyable and memorable engagement parties are simple low-key events. That being said, if you or your parents have your hearts set on a full-blown elaborate sit-down dinner at a classy restaurant then I’m sure your guests will be more than happy to join you at such an event. You might prefer to have a formal engagement party for your parents and then a more casual party with your friends. It is completely up to you. Here are some ideas for celebrating your engagement:

♥ If it is within the host’s budget then how about a brunch or lunch buffet at your favorite restaurant.

♥ If you want something less formal then how about a casual cocktail party at your local bar. You could block off a room for a private party at your local bar and provide cocktails and hors d'oeuvres.

Remember that with either of these options you cannot under any circumstances ask your party guests to pay for anything.

Here are some popular options which are more affordable if you are on a tight budget:

♥ The most popular venue for engagement parties is at the home of either the couple or their parents. At home engagement party ideas include:

♥ Host a champagne or cocktail party with a casual buffet or hors d'oeuvres. Serve tasty food that is easy to eat and serve. For menu ideas take a look at Entertaining.about.com. If you prefer you can call in a professional caterer who will be able to devise an engagement themed menu and provide staff to serve and clean up at the party.

♥ With regard to drinks concoct some romantic themed cocktails and ensure that wine, beer and soft drinks are also available. You can bulk buy these from a discount or club store.

♥ You could just serve a selection of delicious desserts with drinks.

♥ Host a cheese and wine themed party.

♥ A backyard barbecue is the most common style of outdoor engagement party. Decorate your backyard with strings of fairylights and candles in the evening to create a romantic atmosphere.

♥ How about a group picnic in the park, on the beach or at another scenic local area, such as a vineyard, a museum or on a party boat. Try to choose somewhere that has a special significance to you both (e.g. the scene of your first date).

♥ Host a simple afternoon tea party. You could provide an assortment of teas, coffee and sandwiches served on pretty platters and decorated cakes displayed on elegant cake stands.

♥ To add a further element of fun to your party how about hosting a themed engagement party. There are many different themes which you could choose from but my favorite would be a Mexican theme (you could have a Mariachi band, hire a margarita machine (check out MrMargarita.com for details), have piñatas and serve Mexican food!). Just because you choose to celebrate your engagement with a theme your guests will not automatically assume that you are likely to use the same theme for your wedding!

♥ Remember that if you are hosting an engagement party at your home then you must make sure that there is enough parking space available for your guests. If you are planning a large-scale party perhaps you should consider hiring a valet service

Decoration

Just because you might be on a tight budget does not mean that you cannot be creative with decorations for your engagement party.

♥ Decorate the engagement party venue with photo collages of the two of you including photos of you both growing up and once you met one another.

♥ Use romantic yet inexpensive decorations such as heart-shaped balloons, red tablecloths and napkins, banners, heart-shaped chocolates or candies in elegant bowls and candles casting a soft atmospheric glow.

♥ Order a pretty cake with either a photo of the two of you printed on it or simply with your names upon it.

♥ Whilst you have all of your potential wedding guests in one place (and if you have decided on a wedding date) why not hand out save-the-date magnets or candies. For cute save-the-date ideas check out my blog on this topic.

♥ You could use flowers to provide a stunning centerpiece on your engagement party serving tables or simply place vases of flowers around the room.

Invitations

Choosing engagement invitations is a lot more fun than choosing wedding invitations so make the most of it! There are no ground rules with these party invites – they can be formal, informal, or even made verbally. Once you decide on a date and venue for the party let your guests know so that they can mark their calendar. By sending out an invitation you are also giving them a chance to RSVP. You will need to have an idea of how many people you will be catering for.

You could create unique party invitations by using your engagement photo or a photo of the two of you together. If you are planning on having a themed engagement party (e.g. a barbeque, tea party or a Mexican party) you can use this as a basis for the style of your party invitation. If you are planning on making your own party invitations you might find it helpful to check out the sample invitation wordings at Chelseapaper.com or Announcingit.com.

Guest List

How many guests you invite to your engagement party is up to you (and whoever is hosting the party), your budget and the number of people your venue will allow. Etiquette dictates that anyone who is invited to the engagement party must also be invited to the wedding. If it is the case that even at this stage you are thinking that your wedding will be an intimate family-orientated affair then you should make those non-family guests you have invited to your engagement party aware of this so that there are no surprises for them when your wedding invitations are sent out.

Gifts

It is common knowledge that gifts should definitely not be expected at an engagement party. However it is likely that some guests will want to buy you something. If you do decide to register for gifts at this early stage of your wedding planning, do not put the registry information on the engagement party invitation. Let your parents know where you're registered in case people ask them (see my blog for further advice on this). If you don’t know what type of gifts to register for then how about asking for engagement gifts which will help you to organize and plan your upcoming wedding (e.g. a subscription to a wedding website, a subscription to a bridal magazine, tickets to a local wedding show, books on wedding planning).

If receiving gifts would make you uncomfortable you might prefer to explicitly state on the party invitation that engagement gifts are not necessary.

Entertaining your party guests

Contrary to popular belief you do not have to subject guests at your engagement party to endless cheesy party games. The most important thing is that your family and friends get to know one another in a fun and relaxed atmosphere. Here are a few simple ideas of how to entertain your guests and hopefully encourage them to mingle.

♥ If it’s a daytime barbeque or picnic you are hosting, then why not organize an outdoor sporting event such as a game of softball, volleyball or even croquet for your guests. This will give them the perfect opportunity to bond.

♥ Just as you would at any party try to make introductions between guests and point out possible common interests.

♥ You can use visual props as icebreakers at your party. For example type up your engagement story and the story of how you met, frame it and display it for the guests to read. This will be sure to get them talking.

♥ Arrange to have an official engagement photo taken of you and then display it at your engagement party. A cute idea is also to display old photos of you and your fiancé as children, when you were growing up and when you first got together. This is traditionally a great conversation starter.

♥ To give your guests a heads up on who is who and your families structure display a family tree showing both families.

♥ Music at a party definitely enhances the atmosphere and encourages guests to interact. If you are hosting a large-scale party then how about organizing a live jazz band, a Mariachi band (perfect for a Mexican themed party), a pianist or a classical musician (violin, harp, acoustic guitar etc). Choose musical entertainment to match the theme and style of your party.

♥ By throwing the party in the evening your guests are more likely to relax and let go of their inhibitions and will be more inclined to get up and dance.

♥ If you have already started planning your wedding by the time the engagement party comes around then why not create a video photo montage including in it pictures of the church or wedding venue, the intended reception venue, your chosen transportation and other wedding planning ideas you have had. If you have decided on your bridal attendants you could even include footage of each of them to introduce them to your friends and family. This will give your guests a taster of the upcoming wedding.

♥ It is definitely a good idea to set up a microphone so that your host can make a toast to you both. If you place it in a prominent location it will encourage guests, as the party progresses, to make spontaneous toasts to you both.

♥ If you want to save money then rather than hiring an official photographer, why not ask a family member or friend who is reliable and has a certain amount of expertise with a camera to capture your engagement party for posterity in pictures or even on video. Alternatively ask party guests with cameras to share their photos with you after the party. It’s great to have photos as a keepsake of such a special event.

♥ I read about this idea on a wedding forum and I thought it sounded great. You provide two large white sheets of poster board and write "Wedding Advice From the Women" across the top of one and "Wedding Advice From the Men" on the other with a heavy marker pen. Attach a pen to each board and encourage your party guests to leave notes about things they learned while planning their own weddings or simply wedding planning suggestions from non-married guests. Not only will this give guests an opportunity to offer you their advice but you will inevitably come away with lots of helpful information which will serve you well in the upcoming wedding planning stages! If you want something less obtrusive than poster boards you could use pretty stationary or even index cards on a table at the party instead. You could stick them into an engagement scrapbook after the party alongside your photos and other engagement mementoes.

For more unique ideas on how to encourage your party guests to mingle check out my blog on this subject.

Don’t get stressed out by the details of your engagement party. Make the most of this special time before the ensuing chaos of planning your actual wedding begins! Organize a party that feels right for you and your fiancé. If you are relaxed and enjoying yourself then your family and friends are sure to have a great time too!

The last but most important piece of advice I can give you is to relax, enjoy your engagement party and have a good time with your friends and family. Remember that they are all there to celebrate your love and upcoming nuptials not to judge you on your choice of party nibbles!

Congratulations - I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating your engagement!

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You’re Engaged!

Congratulations! Without a doubt getting engaged is one of the most exciting moments of your life. You have decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and overnight you have changed status from being simply a girlfriend/boyfriend to a fiancé! After the initial excitement (and perhaps shock) of being engaged has settled you will inevitably want to share your fantastic news with those closest to you. If you are ready to share your news with your family, friends and the world at large then here are a few tips on how best to spread the good news.

How to break the news

When you are ready to share your engagement news with the world you initially have to decide how you want to make your announcement. Here are your options:

♥ A personal announcement is always preferable if you live near the announcee. If possible try to both be present when you make the announcement to family and friends, that way they can congratulate you both together!

♥ If logistically you are unable to see the announcee in person then a popular alternative is a personal phone call. This is the most personal way to break the news of your engagement to out of town family and friends.

♥ Sending e-mails is now an accepted method of making your engagement announcement. This is a quick and convenient way of sharing your news with all of your family and friends, particularly those who live in far flung corners of the world.

♥ Setting up a wedding website is popular as it enables you to share every detail of your proposal story with your friends and family all at once. These websites also allow you to swiftly communicate details about your upcoming wedding to all of your friends and family and even display your engagement photo on it. You can create a wedding website for free - have a look on the internet (TheKnot.com provide a great free wedding webpage with stylish designs and lots of helpful wedding planning tools).

♥ For some you might find that writing a personal letter is the perfect way of announcing your engagement. Bear in mind that if you intend on writing letters to all of your family and friends you might well end up with very sore hands! In certain circumstances where you want to share your engagement news with someone but would prefer not to speak to them in person (e.g. the family of your late spouse, a friend who is recently divorced etc.) then a handwritten letter is wholly appropriate.

♥ Surprise your family with an announcement at a family dinner party.

♥ Alternatively you might prefer to throw an engagement party which could be hosted by yourselves, by your parents or by friends. You can choose to either announce your engagement in the party invitations you send out or make a surprise announcement during the party. Engagement parties do not have to be formal, stuffy or expensive affairs - you could have a backyard barbeque or a drinks party at a local bar. A party is definitely a fun way to spread your engagement news, celebrate your newly engaged status and show off your engagement ring!

Top Tip: When compiling a guest list for your party bear in mind that those who you invite will probably expect an invitation to your wedding too.

Top Tip: Although they are not obliged to, it is entirely feasible that some friends and family will want to buy you an engagement gift. If you prefer not to register for gifts at a store this early then you can decline their offers and even, print “gifts not requested” on the party invitations. Alternatively you can explain that you do not intend to register for gifts until nearer the wedding date but that you intend to register at stores “X” and “Y” - at least that way they can buy you some gift vouchers if they insist on celebrating your engagement by buying you a gift.

♥ Whilst mailing out formal announcement cards used to be the traditional way of notifying family and friends of your engagement, this is now less popular. The reason for this is that nowadays couples are realizing that by sending these cards they run the risk of the recipient misinterpreting it as an invitation to their wedding. If guest lists are far from your mind at this stage of your initial wedding planning then err on the side of caution and do not send out formal engagement announcement notices. You can send out more details about the wedding later on when you have had a chance to decide who you would like to invite to your wedding.

♥ If you would like to announce your engagement to the general public then you should consider a traditional newspaper announcement in your local paper.

Top Tips for placing a newspaper announcement

♥ Your first step should be to decide which newspaper you want the announcement to appear in. You might want it submit it to your own local paper as well as that of your parents.

♥ If your wedding is being planned for soon after the engagement then get the announcement in to the newspaper as early as possible as it can take up to a month for it to appear in print.

♥ Once you have decided which newspaper, contact their lifestyle or society editor to establish their submission policy. Questions to ask are what are their guidelines, fees (some newspapers run the announcement for free!) and deadlines.

Top tip: Always check the newspaper’s submission policy as they do vary between publications.

♥ Some newspapers allow photos of the engaged couple, so it is worth checking what their policy is on this. Ask if the photo must be black and white or color and check to see if you can email the photo to them (this will save you from having to provide them with your original photo which you might well not get back and also avoids the risk of the photo getting lost in the mail).

♥ Decide who the announcement is being made by; your parents, your fiancé’s parents or by you and your fiancé.

♥ Your announcement should include the following information:

♦ You and your fiancé’s full names, hometowns and (if you wish) brief education and career credentials.

♦ Each sets of parent’s full names. Include your parents’ hometowns if they do not live in the same town as you or each other.

♦ The wedding date or even simply the year you intend to get married.

♦ The city and state in which you intend your wedding to take place.

♥ If you have not yet made the decision as to wedding date and location then you do not have to include this information at this stage. If you have decided on the month or year your wedding is due to take place then the following wording could be used instead:

“A fall wedding is planned/An April wedding is planned/The wedding is set to take place in 2008”.

♥ Here are some sample wordings for your newspaper announcement:

The Bride's Family

Mr. and Mrs. Nigel Jones of Geneva announce the engagement of their daughter, Ella to Ray Sparks, son of Tom and Kath Sparks of Milwaukee. Ms. Jones graduated …… etc.

Divorced Parents

Mr. Nigel Jones, of Geneva, and Ms. Hannah Salter, of Elgin, announce the engagement of their daughter, Ella to Ray Sparks. Ms. Jones graduated …… etc.

Single Parent

Ms. Hannah Salter announces the engagement of her daughter, Ella Jones to Ray Sparks, the son of Tom and Kath Sparks of Milwaukee. Ms. Jones is also the daughter of Nigel Jones of Geneva. Ms. Jones graduated …… etc.

Remarried Parent

Ms. Hannah Salter and Mr. Bob Clackett announce the engagement of Ms. Salter’s daughter Ella Jones to Ray Sparks. Ms. Jones …….. etc.

Deceased Parent

Mrs. Hannah Jones announces the engagement of her daughter, Ella to Ray Sparks. Ms. Jones, also the daughter of the late Nigel Jones, graduated from the University of Harvard and is a kindergarten teacher at Busy Bees in Elgin. Mr. Sparks, the son of Tom and Kath Sparks, graduated from the University of Michigan and is a sales executive with the Nectar Corporation in Elgin.

Announcement by the Bride and Groom

Ella Jones, a graduate of Harvard University, is to be married to Ray Sparks, a graduate of Michigan University. Ms. Jones, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Nigel Jones, is a kindergarten teacher at Busy Bees in Elgin. Mr. Sparks is a sales executive with the Nectar Corporation in Elgin.

♥ Nowadays many newspapers allow you to fill in an online submissions form. If this service is not available to you then the best way to avoid handwriting discrepancies is to type up the engagement announcement for submission to the newspaper.

♥ Ask to see a proof copy for approval before it goes to print to check for mistakes.

Who to tell first

Traditional wedding etiquette dictates that you should share your engagement news in the following order:

If you have children

♥ Once you are engaged the first people you should tell are your children. You definitely need their support, if not their approval, of your future nuptials before you can start making any plans.

♥ You should inform your children of your engagement as soon as possible so that they have plenty of time to adjust to the idea. We are bombarded by the media, particularly by television shows such as "The Brady Bunch", with images of perfectly blended stepfamilies. Of course there will be tears and turbulence as your family unit changes size with your upcoming wedding but becoming a proper united family is not an unattainable feat - it just needs time and perseverance!

♥ You should definitely let your children decide for themselves if they want to participate in your wedding.

Your parents

♥ Traditionally the bride’s parents are informed first of the engagement, then the grooms immediately afterwards.

Your family and close friends

♥ Next you should let your grandparents, siblings and other close relatives and friends know about your engagement. Of course if you want to break the news to them all at once then a surprise announcement at a party or family dinner would be the perfect way of achieving this.

Top Tip: When deciding who to announce your engagement to first consider whether any of your friends or family would be miffed at not being told your news immediately.

If you are divorced

♥ If you are divorced without children then there is no need for you to mention your upcoming marriage to your ex-spouse unless you are on good terms with them and keep in touch with each others news.

♥ If you are divorced with children then you must let your ex-spouse know about your upcoming nuptials. If your children are old enough then you can ask if they would prefer to tell their parent about your wedding or if they want you to break the happy news. You should try to let your ex-spouse know as soon as possible after you have told your children about your engagement, so that your children do not have to keep it a secret and will free to discuss your upcoming wedding openly.

♥ If you are not on speaking terms with your ex then you could put your news in a letter to them and mention that you have explained it to your children and that your wish is for your children to be a part of your wedding day. Although as co-parent you don’t need permission for your own children to participate in your wedding ceremony, it would make things easier all round if your ex-spouse was consulted at an early stage so that any objections could be aired and discussed and you could guarantee their full co-operation with your upcoming wedding plans.

If you are a widow or widower

♥ If your first spouse died then you will need to be sensitive to your deceased spouse's families' feelings. Out of respect for the family you should let them know in person (if you have children by your deceased spouse and remain in constant contact with the family) or by letter (if you have become distant from them and are not used to telephoning them or seeing them in person) that you are remarrying.

♥ Whether or not you invite your deceased spouse's family to your wedding is a very delicate etiquette issue. If your children (their grandchildren) are participating in your wedding then consider whether they would enjoy attending so that they could see this. Use your own judgment as to whether you think it would stir up too many sad memories for them (and you). Encore weddings do present social and emotional issues such as this - it comes with the territory I'm afraid!

Top Tip: When breaking your engagement news try not to upstage anyone. Making the announcement during someone else’s party or celebration may not be appropriate – consider whether they will welcome sharing the limelight with you and your fiancé beforehand or even discuss it with them in private. The last thing you want is for your news announcement to be thought of as stealing someone else’s thunder!

Top Tip: Remember that whilst your engagement is thrilling for you and your fiancé, not everyone you know will share your excitement. Try not to let any negative reactions diffuse your happiness.

Top Tip: If you are making the announcement to a friend or family member who has fresh wounds from their own recent divorce or loss of a partner, then try to break the news to them as sensitively as possible. You want your news to be met with tears of joy rather than a maelstrom of grief-stricken sobbing!

Finally, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to enjoy being engaged! Try not to get too caught up with who to tell and how to tell them - remember, you should choose a way of telling the world that you are engaged which suits your own personalitiesand makes you both comfortable and happy. This is a special time for you both, so relax and enjoy it!

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I receive many questions regarding divorced and separated parents, without doubt it can make planning a wedding very stressful (check out my tips on handling stress here). I recently wrote this reply titled: "Tips For Handling Divorced Parents Sensitively At Your Wedding".

If you are a bride that feels you need some further advice on this issue I thoroughly recommend you read a 5 part series written by The Wedding Fairy at her fantastic wedding blog "Don't Be That Bride". You may remember I reviewed it in this post: "Don't Be That Bride - A Wedding Blog Not To Be Missed!".

Here are the links to all 5 Parts:

Part l

Read how the insensitivity of the band can embarass certain family members if they are introduced incorrectly. The Wedding Fairy recounts an upsetting story told to her by a work colleague, whereby the stepmother and groom's father are announced as the groom's parents!

Her advice to all couples is:

"THINK about the introductions in advance, and TALK/COMMUNICATE with your band about how to approach each."

Part ll

This post and the next deals with how to handle the first and last dances. Often the band can cause distress by forcing divorced or separated parents without partners to dance with other people.

"This type of behavior is not acceptable, and certainly not fair to the mother of the groom (or anyone in this situation that applies in other scenarios)- whether or not you believe that a divorced parent should "suck it up" (a sentiment which I thoroughly disagree with), you should definitely understand that the band member trying to "help" in this way is degrading, demoralizing, and definitely a NO."

Part lll

This is a detailed account of how a lovely relaxed wedding can quickly change into one of pure humiliation when a mother is forced to dance with a stranger! It really brings home the fact that communication is absoultely key. Every bride and groom should advise the professionals they employ at their wedding beforehand, to ensure there are no hiccups on the day.

Part lV

If your parents are divorced it can often be diffcult coming up with a table arrangement that suits everyone. You may want to see your parents seated together or on adjacent table (or even the same!), but trust me they will be much more relaxed if you put some distance between their tables. The Wedding Fairy describes a situation that happened at a wedding her college friend Liz went to, there were no dramas or dish-throwing but it makes you think that the mother and father could have been seated further apart.

"I can tell you right now - you will not please everyone. Finding the "perfect" table arrangement is not necessarily an option - however, creating a WORKABLE table arrangement-- when it comes to divorced/separated parents -- is the name of the game."

Part V

In conclusion we learn that wedding planning is complicated and stressful enough without keeling over from the pressure of divorced parents and their partners. It just isn't worth it, take a stance and stick to it. As the Wedding Fairy says:

"Planning doesn't involve the same discomfort issues that a wedding does (i.e. loud announcements by DJs, or very obvious seating situations). Therefore, keeping everyone happy during this stage isn't really the goal - the goal is to get the job done, and to enjoy doing it."

You only have to watch "My Fair Brady: We're Getting Married!" to see that there has to be a better way!

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Tears, tantrums, and trauma. No, I’m not talking about a kid’s birthday party, or the latest boy band breakup. Instead, I’m talking about the wedding guest list – a seemingly simple enough concept that for some reason cannot be executed without violent outbursts, emotional blackmail, or objects being flung around the room. But what is it about compiling a guest list that is so difficult?

There are two common problems – amongst others – which are encountered when compiling the dreaded guest list. The first? You know what they say about too many cooks, right? Well traditionally, the invitations are divided between three groups –the bride and groom, and the bride and grooms respective families (although if your parents are divorced and have since remarried, depending on how you wish to do things, you could be looking at a possible five way split. Yikes!) This inevitably causes problems, as everyone will have conflicting ideas on who should and shouldn’t be invited. Your mother will insist on inviting aunties and uncles you didn’t even know you had, while your father-in-law-to-be will want to invite all the members of his local darts team. And to top it all off, your fiancé wants to invite his hideous drinking pals. You’ll be left wondering if there will be any room for your friends.

And then there’s the other challenge – deciding exactly who are the right people to invite. You may be feeling on top of the world and wish to invite everyone you’ve ever known since you were five, regardless of whether you actually keep in touch with them or not. You may even feel that you have to invite everyone you know for fear of offending them if you don’t. But unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) that isn’t always possible. Your budget and the venue’s seating capacity will dictate how many people you can invite. It’s pointless inviting 450 guests, when it means you can only afford to serve them crisps and lemonade, and they’ve got to be packed into the reception like sardines. For this reason, you’ll have to streamline your guest list, and select people who mean the most to you.

Guest lists, along, with organizing seating plans, and choosing your wedding attendants can really put the stress into wedding planning. However it’s important not to let the stress get on top of you, or you may find yourself without a wedding to plan! For those of you who aren’t too sure how to get started on the guest list, here are some points to think about. And while I can’t promise it’ll be all peace and harmony at Walton’s Mountain, I hope it’ll make things a little easier. Good luck!

1. Allow yourselves plenty of time when compiling your list. There’s nothing worse than having to rush. It means you don’t get things done properly, and you feel under pressure.

2. Before your families get involved, have a brainstorming session with your fiancé. Think about the kind of wedding you really want. Do you want a big elaborate bash, or a small intimate affair? Bear in mind that at this stage nothing is set in stone, but at least it will give the chance to discuss how you see your wedding – and try to compromise if necessary.

3. Which comes first – the venue or the guest list? It’s a new take on an age-old question, and some people are confused about which they should sort out first. You have two possible options: If you’ve got your heart set on a particular venue, find out the seating capacity and work your guest list around that. Otherwise, decide how many guests you want to invite, and then find a venue which can accommodate all your guests. There’s no right or wrong way. Naturally, everything will have been finalized before you order your wedding invitations, so don’t worry.

4. You’ve got to start thinking about your budget, and what you can and can’t afford to have. Unless you’re lucky enough to be a Hollywood A lister, one of the Sultan of Brunei’s children, or your last name’s Trump, there’s a chance you won’t be able to afford a wedding with 500 guests and all the fancy trimmings. So if you want a rock star wedding, but you’re working with a luncheon meat budget, you’re going to have to make some cutbacks – somewhere! If you are adamant that you have to have the designer gown, the eight course meal, and bottles of the finest Cristal, the obvious – and most sensible solution – would be to reduce the guest list. Don’t think that just because you are having a small wedding that it will be boring. Alternatively, don’t think that your 350 guests won’t be entertained just because you’re not having a huge fireworks display.

I once went to a wedding where the reception was held in a tiny flat, there were about forty guests, no chocolate fountain, no live band, no five tiered wedding cake and – shock horror! – no elaborate floral arrangements. But I can honestly, hand on heart, say that it was without a doubt, the best wedding I’ve ever been to. There were a great mix of guests, and it was the genuinely happy people who made the event what it was. So think about what’s really important to you – what you absolutely have to have, and what you can do without.

5. This is where the fun begins! Ask both families to draft their lists. This is not the finalized list, but it would be wise at this point to let your families know what kind of a wedding you would like. If you want a small wedding, now is the time to say so, before they get too carried away.

6. Compare all lists with both families. Check, double check and treble check that you’re happy with the lists and no one important has been left out.

You should compile a main guest list, which lists all the people you can’t get married without. This includes:

i. Immediate family
ii. Close extended family
iii. Close friends

You MUST also include:

i. The clergy and his/her spouse
ii. Parents of the ring bearer and flowergirls,
iii. Spouses or partners of anyone in the wedding party.

8. You will also need a secondary list of people you can invite as your main guests drop out. I know that sounds demeaning, but be realistic, you can’t invite everyone you’ve ever said hello to in your life. And it’s not as though you have to tell them that they are on the B list! People to include on this list are those you know and like but don’t see all the time, or aren’t so close to. And remember you don’t have to invite all of them:

i. Neighbours – I shouldn’t admit to this, but I barely know my neighbours, and I wouldn’t recognize them if I saw them in the street. However that hasn’t stopped two of them from inviting me to their weddings, meaning it was either a mistake, or they were stuck for guests! There’s no need to invite the whole street – just the ones you know well.

ii. Business associates/colleagues – You are not obligated to invite those you work with for that reason alone. Invite them if you regard them as friends, you are happy to socialize with them, and most importantly, they will leave work in the office where it belongs.

iii. Guests for singles – You don’t have to allow all your single guests to bring someone. Quite often, it is the ‘plus one’ on the invitation who can really bump up the cost of the wedding. This option could be reserved for your guests who won’t know anyone else at the wedding (apart from the bride or groom that is)!

iv. Club/group/society members/ evening class students – You may have thirty plus people in a group. Can you really afford to invite them all? Are you the best of friends with all of them? Invite the ones you’re closest too.

Don’t worry about offending people. If you are not that close, they’ll probably understand why they were not invited.

9. And of course there’ll always be those you probably won’t want attending your wedding. These may include:

i. Ex partners – Brad Pitt decided not to invite former fiancée Gwyneth Paltrow to his wedding to Jennifer Aniston, while Bruce Willis happily witnessed the nuptials between ex wife Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Putting your exes on the guest list is a matter of personal choice, and it’s got to be a decision you’re both happy with. But remember if his ex is not welcome to your wedding, then you can’t sneak your childhood sweetheart’s name on the list!

ii. Children – Don’t feel guilty if you want your wedding to be a child free zone. But if kids are not invited to your wedding, make sure that it applies to ALL children, and not just some of them. That includes family, and may mean no children in the wedding party.

iii. Anti social people – It’s a sad fact that there are some people who should not be allowed out in public. So if they get embarrassingly drunk, chain smoke while others are trying to eat, are in danger of starting an argument, or use the kind of language a drunken sailor would approve of, but not your great Aunty Doris, then don’t invite them.

iv. Estranged/Long lost relatives or friends – Once you’ve announced your engagement, you can be certain that friends, acquaintances and relatives you’ve lost touch with will resurface. You don’t have to invite anyone just because you are related or because you once knew them. If you were wearing a christening robe the last time you had any contact with your godparents, I doubt it’s worth putting them on the guest list. But where relatives are concerned it is a good idea to consult your family first.

v. People you don’t like – Admit it – we’ve all got a relative or acquaintance we wish we’d never met. If you really cannot stand them, and the sight of them knocking back your champagne is likely to make you turn green and start throwing furniture about, definitely DON’T INVITE THEM!

vi. Those who didn’t invite you to their wedding – Enough said!

10. If the ceremony venue has limited seating, you might want to draw up a list of guest to invite for the evening reception, providing there’s room. But remember, you cannot invite guests to the ceremony only!

With a bit of luck, this should make things a little easier for you. And in order to avoid conflict and stress, a little give and take is required (think of it as an excercise for what lies ahead!) Think about who is paying for the wedding. If either or both sets of parents are paying/contributing to the bill, then it’s only fair that their wishes are taken into account, and some kind of comprise is reached. If you can afford to fit in a few extra guests, do so if it will make someone happy. Just make sure no one oversteps the mark, and you don’t feel coerced into agreeing to anything you don’t want – you don’t want to be a pushover either. Get the balance right, and hopefully everyone will be happy.

Til next time

Lesley Anne

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My sister announced at the weekend that she is getting remarried. This will be her second marriage. My family and I are so excited for her that she has found love again and that she is brave enough to put her faith in the institution of marriage after an acrimonious divorce.

All the wedding talk at her engagement announcement party got me thinking about planning a wedding second time around. It is a totally different scenario to organizing your first wedding - you are older (usually this is the case - I think Britney Spears’ two weddings within nine months of each other is quite unique), wiser and will have more experience of your expectations not just for your second wedding day but also your second marriage!

Whether it is due to divorce or death of a spouse increasing numbers of people are making a trip of the aisle for a second time. According to WeddingGazette.com 4 out of every 10 weddings nowadays are second marriages for one or both partners. According to the US Census Bureau one-third of couples getting married in the USA have been married before and every year nearly one million American women marry for the second time. You are in good company if you are planning on saying “I do” for the second time - Madonna, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, Demi Moore, Britney Spears and more recently Pamela Anderson have all enjoyed a second trip down the aisle.

If you too are thinking about taking the plunge again then here are some top tips and advice for making your encore wedding even more unique and memorable than your first.

Announcing Your Engagement

If you have children

♥ Once you are engaged the first people you should tell are your children. You definitely need their approval of your future nuptials before you can start making any plans.

♥ You should inform your children of your engagement as soon as possible so that they have plenty of time to adjust to the idea. We are bombarded by the media, particularly by television shows such as "The Brady Bunch", with images of perfectly blended stepfamilies. Of course there will be tears and turbulence as your family unit changes size with your second wedding but becoming a proper united family is not an unattainable feat - it just needs time and perseverance!

♥ You should definitely let your children decide for themselves if they want to participate in your second wedding.

If you are a widow or widower

♥ If your first spouse died then you will need to be sensitive to your deceased spouse's families' feelings. Out of respect for the family you should let them know in person (if you have children by your deceased spouse and remain in constant contact with the family) or by letter (if you have become distant from them and are not used to telephoning them or seeing them in person) that you are remarrying.

♥ Whether or not you invite your deceased spouse's family to your second wedding is a very delicate etiquette issue. If your children (their grandchildren) are participating in your wedding then consider whether they would enjoy attending so that they could see this. Use your own judgment as to whether you think it would stir up too many sad memories for them (and you). Second weddings do present social and emotional issues such as this - it comes with the territory I'm afraid!

If you are divorced

♥ If you are divorced without children then there is no need for you to mention your second marriage to your ex-spouse unless you are on good terms with them and keep in touch with each others news.

♥ If you are divorced with children then you must let your ex-spouse know about your upcoming nuptials. If your children are old enough then you can ask if they would prefer to tell their parent about your second wedding or if they want you to break the happy news. You should try to let your ex-spouse know as soon as possible after you have told your children about your engagement, so that your children do not have to keep it a secret and will free to discuss your upcoming wedding openly.

♥ If you are not on speaking terms with your ex then you could put your news in a letter to them and mention that you have explained it to your children and that your wish is for your children to be a part of your wedding day. Although as co-parent you don’t need permission for your own children to participate in your wedding ceremony, it would make things easier all round if your ex-spouse was consulted at an early stage so that any objections could be aired and discussed and you could guarantee their full co-operation with your upcoming wedding plans.

Organizing your second wedding

When it comes to organizing a second wedding many couples choose to spend less time planning the wedding event than they did first time round and more time enjoying the run up to their wedding day. Second weddings are usually smaller and more intimate but there are no rules if you want a repeat of your first extravagant wedding. Some brides, (such as my sister) who had only a very small wedding first time round, enjoy the thought of an elaborate second wedding. My sister admits that this time round she knows exactly what she wants for her wedding day as she has attended innumerous weddings since her first wedding 12 years ago.

The advantages of organizing a wedding second time around are:

♥ You know the pitfalls and what could go wrong as you have probably experienced a few with your first wedding.

♥ You have a better idea of what style and theme of wedding you want as you have more experience of weddings you have attended over the years.

♥ You are free to create any kind of wedding you and your partner want - be as creative as you want (so long as your budget allows it!).

♥ You can invite who you want to your wedding this time round without the restrictions of having parents impose their choice of guests on you.

♥ Hopefully you are in a better financial position than you were when you first got married so you might be able to afford all of the luxury extras for your second wedding that were not within your first wedding budget.

According to Vibride.com Dee Merz, a wedding consultant with Everlasting Memories in California, says that she enjoys organizing second weddings.

“The brides know themselves better as women and they rarely break a sweat when making decisions. Grooms play a much bigger role in the planning, and every choice is geared to reflecting the couple’s unique personalities.”

Top tips when organizing your second wedding:

Venue

♥ You can host your wedding anywhere second time around, there is so much choice. I know many bride and grooms who have remarried for the second or third time in a church. Just because you are a divorcee does not automatically mean that you must remarry in a Registry Office or at other licensed premises and have a civil ceremony. If it is important to you, your partner and your family to have a religious ceremony then enquire of your local church about their policy for second marriages - some churches are stricter than others. With second marriages becoming increasingly common most ministers will understand your situation and will help you to reach a solution if you have your heart set on a religious wedding ceremony.

♥ Destination weddings have become increasingly popular for second marriages, particularly those with children as the ceremony can be incorporated into a fun family holiday!

♥ Bear in mind that it would be in bad taste to host your second wedding in the same location as your first wedding!

Legal requirements

♥ It goes without saying that in order to remarry you will need to supply the registrar with either a decree absolute proving that you are legally divorced from your first spouse, or a death certificate if you are widowed. Make sure that your paperwork is in order well in advance of applying for your marriage license.

♥ In a second marriage where children are involved ensure that you seek appropriate legal advice with regard to financial and inheritance aspects of your union and guardianship issues.

Vows

♥ Vows for a second wedding are another emotive issue which need delicate handling. Of course you promised to "love, honor and respect for all eternity" your first spouse so what do the words really mean if "eternity" turned out to be just a couple of years! The important thing with wedding vows is that you say them with confidence and believe them yourself at the time of saying them to the person you have chosen to marry.

♥ If you are looking for alternative ideas for wedding vows for your second wedding Idotaketwo.com has some unique wordings which could help you.

Wedding traditions for a second wedding

♥ The tradition of having a wedding cake is the same for a second wedding. However, according to Vibride.com throwing the bouquet, wearing a garter and throwing confetti are not proper etiquette for a second wedding. I have seen all of these things done at second and third weddings so I think it is just a case of do whatever feels right for you on your wedding day.

♥ You probably already have an album full of photos from your first wedding that you rarely look at nowadays but don't let this put you off having a photographer at your second wedding. Of course you will want a record of your second wedding, especially if it is the first wedding for one of you.

♥ When it comes to the question of walking up the aisle you might think it improper to ask your Father or whomever gave you away at your first wedding but there are no etiquette rules about this for second weddings. You can walk up the aisle alone, on the arm of your Father, Mother, Brother or even child if you want.

♥ The decision of whether to have attendants at your second wedding is, again, entirely up to you. There are no rules about this. Guests usually expect at least a couple of attendants at second weddings. Don't worry if you want to ask your friends or family to repeat the performance they gave as attendants at your first wedding. It is not seen as unlucky to ask the same attendants who stood by you at your first wedding to stand by you at your second wedding. A friend of mine has been Best Man at both of his brother's weddings.

♥ Bridal Showers are still appropriate for second weddings. You probably have new friends since you first married and they will want to help you celebrate your impending nuptials regardless of whether or not you have done it all before. You can choose to have a more moderate bridal shower if you prefer.

Involving Children in a Second Wedding

If you and/or your partner have children from your own relationship or from previous relationships then you will undoubtedly want them to participate in your wedding plans. The best way to make children feel involved in the whole process of organising a second wedding is to include them in the wedding planning. It is not just you who is getting remarried, so too are your children!

Whilst your choice of spouse has been your decision you should allow your children some say in your wedding planning. Discuss with them their thoughts on your second wedding and ask them how they would like to be involved. You should refer to it as "our" wedding day rather than solely yours and your partner's.

According to Jill Curtis, author of "How to Get Married Again: A Guide to Second Weddings" (available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk) she says,

"My research showed that children not included in at least part of the ceremony often find it more difficult to accept the stepparent. One dilemma may be for a child who thinks her "other" parent may well feel left out and not want the child to take part in a second wedding ceremony. Will it be seen as a betrayal? Or acceptance of the new stepparent?"

Make your children feel wanted and needed by giving them a role in your wedding day. Here are some ideas for ways to include them in your second wedding:

♥ Try to include something symbolic within your wedding ceremony which will signify to all present that you, your partner and your children coming together as a unified family.

♥ Some couples present their children with rings during the wedding ceremony.

♥ It is becoming increasingly popular to include a family vow after the bride and groom's vows during the wedding ceremony where children join the bride and groom to recite some words and have their new blended family blessed.

♥ Daughters can act as maids-of-honor or flower girls.

♥ Sons can stand as "best men", ushers or ring bearers.

♥ Ask your/your partner's children to walk you down the aisle and give you away.

♥ As a family stand at the altar and light a unity candle together.

♥ Ask children to be in charge of the guestbook.

♥ If they are confident speakers they could make a special toast during the wedding reception.

♥ Offer them the chance to give a reading during the wedding ceremony.

Some additional points to remember:

♥ Whatever role you or your children choose for your second wedding make sure that they are comfortable with it.

♥ Ask a family member to keep an eye on your children on your wedding day if you anticipate that you will be too distracted to keep a watchful eye on them.

♥ Remember that your wedding day marks a new beginning for your children too and it can be confusing for them, whether they are 3 years old or 15 years old.

Jill Curtis says,

"A wedding is a landmark in any family and those adults and children who have been burned by the fallout of an earlier divorce or death of a parent will be particularly sensitive to the meaning of the occasion. With some planning, a lot of discussion, and a little bit of luck, it will be a day memories are made of."

♥ If you are divorced you might find that your children have always had a secret fantasy that you and your ex would get back together again. Your second wedding will put an end to this hope so treat your child sensitively.

♥ If your split from your ex-spouse was acrimonious your impending second wedding might stir up painful memories for your children. I know that my 10 year old nephew worries that he will see his Mum be hurt again (bless him!). The best thing you can do as a parent about to embark on a second wedding is to reassure your child that this is a different situation, you are different, you are stronger and the person you are marrying is your soulmate who you want to share your life with.

To compare or not to compare?

♥ Try not to compare your second wedding to your first wedding. My sister has already begun to start sentences with “At my first wedding we had this/we did this…”. This is a definite no-go area for anyone planning their encore wedding. Your fiancé, his family and also your own family and friends do not want to be reminded of your first wedding. This wedding which you are planning now is a unique occasion and should be treated as such, not judged against your first trip up the aisle.

♥ It is an undeniable fact that guests who were present at your first wedding will compare it with your second wedding. I hold my own hands up and admit I have done it myself when I have attended first and second weddings. There is no way to prevent your guests from doing this so you should just come to terms with it before your wedding day.

♥ Don't go overboard trying to plan your second wedding to be a polar opposite of your first wedding. At the end of the day so long as you and your partner are happy with your wedding plans and do everything you can to ensure your guests enjoyment then you can't do more than that. Inevitably there will be similarities between the two weddings - besides everything else they will both involve rings, vows and celebrations of some sort!

♥ With your wedding speeches it is usual for the Best Man, Father of the Bride, Groom and even the Bride to make a reference to the lives of the bride and groom before they met and traditionally some reference to exes would be made. Tread very carefully here! It would be seen to be in poor taste if your first stab at marriage is referred to at your second wedding. You don't want to make your guests, your new partner or your children feel uncomfortable on your wedding day.

Footing the bill for a second wedding

With second weddings where the bride has been married before it is normal for the bride and groom to split the costs of the wedding between them. You should definitely not expect either set of parents to pay towards your second wedding. If it is the bride’s first wedding but the groom’s second, then you will probably find that the bride’s parents will want to contribute towards the wedding costs. It is also quite common for one or both sets of parents to offer financial help towards the wedding costs. In this case you should weigh up whether you want to accept their kind offer as financial input being given by parents can sometimes equate to organizational input being expected with your wedding. One of the main advantages of paying for your own wedding of course is that you are free to make your own decisions when planning the wedding without having input from your parents.

If you are paying for the wedding yourselves then you should create an affordable wedding budget and stick to it. As with any wedding it is possible to have your dream wedding at an affordable cost, but I think this is the case more so with second weddings as you do not need to pull out all of the stops. Second weddings for brides are more about starting a new life with your new husband than about having the expensive dress, breathtaking table ceterpieces, stylish wedding favors and other wedding paraphernalia. That being said, if you can afford it then why not go ahead and organize the extravagant wedding you have always dreamt of!

Invitations

♥ As mentioned, it is completely up to you and your partner whether you choose to have a small wedding attended only by immediate family and close friends or a larger wedding inviting everyone who is important to you both.

♥ Inviting an ex-spouse to your second wedding is thought to be bad form. It depends on your personal circumstances whether or not you want to invite your ex to your wedding. Demi Moore invited Bruce Willis to her nuptials with Ashton Kutcher and at her wedding earlier this month Pamela Anderson asked new husband Kid Rock’s ex Tamara Mellon to be her bridesmaid! If your ex-spouse is a co-parent of your children then your children might feel more at ease at the wedding if they too are invited. You should do what you and your fiancé feel comfortable with - it is your wedding day!

If you and your partner are hosting your own second wedding then the invitation should be worded along the lines of:

If it is the bride’s first wedding and her parents are contributing financially towards it then you might prefer that they host the wedding, in which case the invitation could read as follows:

If you have children you might like to include their names on the invitations or even have them named as hosts of the wedding (this would make them feel very included and very special!).

Check out Weddings.about.com for more ideas and inspiration for wording invitations for your second wedding.

Bridal Attire for Second Weddings

The most important thing for any bride on her wedding day whether it is her first, second or even eighth wedding (à la Elizabeth Taylor!) is that she feels comfortable, confident, relaxed and, most importantly, beautiful. No matter how many times someone has been married they always want to feel and look like a princess on their special day!

As an encore bride you should not feel restricted about your choice of wedding attire. Old traditions used to point second time brides away from full length gowns, veils and the wearing of ivory or white for their subsequent nuptials but this is no longer the case. You can choose any color or style you wish so long as it suits your age and flatters your figure. If you are a mature encore bride then you are unlikely to want to wear a Cinderella ball gown; you might prefer to choose a simple yet elegant sheath dress, suit or a less formal wedding gown and accessorize with a hat, decorative headpiece or tiara rather than a full veil. According to Nina Callaway of About Weddings,

“Most brides getting remarried have already had their "Princess in a white dress" moment the first time around, and so opt for a more mature look such as a brocade suit or a simple cocktail dress. However, if you eloped the first time, or simply want to have that Princess moment again, there's no reason why you can't. In fact, as divorce and remarriage becomes an evermore regular part of our society, the possibilities for what a second wedding dress can be are endless”.

To help you decide what style of wedding attire is appropriate for your second wedding you should first decide what type of wedding ceremony you are having. Are you having a traditional church wedding, outdoors wedding, destination or beach wedding? If, like Pamela Anderson, you choose to have your second wedding aboard a yacht anchored off of St Tropez, then this will dictate your style of wedding attire (in her case a white string bikini - not every encore brides' first choice I’m sure!).

Wedding Gifts for a Second Wedding

One of the main questions which crops up amongst brides, grooms and also wedding guests, is whether it is acceptable to ask for wedding gifts from guests at your second wedding. This is particularly pertinent if you have invited family and friends who already bought you a gift for your first wedding.

Wedding etiquette states that buying a gift for a couple who are getting married for the second time is definitely not mandatory. Wedding gifts are traditionally given to help a couple set up home together. Nowadays most couples live together before they walk down the aisle and so already have an established household with the requisite amount of crockery, toasters and wine glasses.

You should definitely consider registering for wedding gifts as the majority of your guests will want to buy you a gift (especially if it is a first wedding for one of you). Although typical wedding gifts may not be appropriate for a second wedding, you could consider registering for fun gifts such as equipment for a shared hobby (I attended a second wedding where the bride put golf clubs and lessons on her wedding wish list so that she could share her new husband’s love of the game!), artwork, sculptures or ornaments, a selection of fine wines, vouchers for activity days out (perfect if you have children you can share these with), plants for your garden or a donation to be made to a charity of your choice.

Keep in mind that some of your invited guests might well have been generous with their first wedding gifts to you, so if you are planning to register or ask for gifts then don’t feel hard done by if they choose not to buy you a gift or only buy you a small token gift. Surely the most important thing is that they choose to share your special day!

Personally I would have no problem buying a gift for a couple whose wedding I was invited to, even if I had already bought a gift for their previous wedding (though if it was the same two people remarrying then I would probably only buy a token gift). In my sister’s case she and her fiancé are already talking about their honeymoon which will include my two young nephews, so I suggested to her that she register for travel gift vouchers. There is a great article at Honeymoons.about.com which explains how honeymoon registry websites work. By using one of the free websites mentioned in the article you can list all of your honeymoon expenses including airfares, accommodation costs, excursions, meals, spa treatments, spending cash and even luggage on a website which is accessible to your wedding guests. This means that your guests can purchase whatever aspect or make whatever contribution towards your honeymoon they wish. If, like my sister, this idea appeals to you then you might also want to take a look at Weddingmiles.com where you can set up a registry for your guests to buy you frequent flyer miles to put towards your honeymoon or future travel once you are married.

Honeymoon Plans

Whilst many newlyweds enjoy some time to themselves on their honeymoons, it is becoming more common for couples to include their children in their honeymoon plans after a second wedding. The honeymoon presents a perfect opportunity for blended families to spend time together and share bonding experiences.

As mentioned, my sister intends on taking her two children on her honeymoon (it was her fiancé's idea!). My youngest nephew is obsessed with elephants so my sister has already mentioned that they are considering all going on a safari holiday in Africa - what a perfect way to kick-start their new life together as a family. I am sure they will share lots of great memories from the trip and get to know each other even better!

If you are lucky enough to get a second chance at marriage then I think you should ignore the statistics that say that the chances of a second marriage ending in divorce are 60% compared to 50% of first marriages. Inevitably you will be apprehensive about saying "I do" for the second time but let your hope and optimism shine through for your second wedding. Have confidence in the fact that you are a different person from the one who got married the first time - you are older and wiser second time around.

Resources I recommend for planning your encore wedding:

1,001 Ways to have a Dazzling Second Wedding by Sharon Naylor available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk

This guidebook is perfect for women planning their second weddings. It provides the most current and applicable how-to's on such touchy subjects as: gown choice, family participation, guest diplomacy, gifts, bridal party choices, invitation wording, reception planning, religious requirements, and legalities.

Listen to this discussion about the etiquette of getting married again? Questions include what do you wear and do you have a present list? She discusses this topic with Sandra Boler consulting editor of Brides Magazine and journalist Eve Pollard.

Read this New York Times article on on how couples are embracing second weddings as wholeheartedly as first their one. Written by Marcelle S. Fischler, it offers an excellent insight into the whole subject of encore weddings.

More second wedding websites to check out:

Take2weddings.com - Offers marriage advice and inspirations from how to tell your children you are getting married the second time around to choosing your dress.
Idotaketwo.com - All the second wedding ideas you'll need to plan your remarriage! Leave questions on the second wedding forum and an expert will respond with an answer.
Brideagain.com - Bride Again is designed for the encore bride. It is targeted to women over 30 who have been married at least one before, have children from a previous marriage or are marrying someone with children and are currently planning to be remarried.
Encorebridemagazine.com - Thoughts, suggestions, reflections, and opinions For re-wedding brides.

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It’s all very well having butterflies or doves released at your wedding to symbolize the love, fidelity and union of your relationship but is it really wise to include your own pets in your wedding day? Are you just asking for trouble by choosing to include your pet in such a momentous occasion?

The Popular Trend

Dogs in particular are becoming the new untraditional participants in wedding ceremonies. They are either being entrusted with roles such as ring bearers, bridesmaids, and groomsmen or are simply present during the ceremony to bear witness to their owner’s nuptials. This is probably because dogs are the most socially acceptable pet to be seen out and about with in public and also because they can be trained quite easily to perform at your wedding.

When Jane McBride walks down the aisle in Chicago this September she has handed the role of ring bearer to her Mufasa, an 85-pound Akita-shepherd mix. She has already chosen Mufasa’s wedding attire - a multicolored bow tie that will hold the wedding rings. Jane admitted to the Chicago Tribune that she would never consider leaving Mufasa at home on her wedding day.

It’s not just dog-lovers who are including their pets in their weddings. Wedding planner Joey Lizotte, owner of Artisan, Cathedral City, helped to organize a wedding at a home in La Quinta in which a bridesmaid patiently held a gray-and-white cat during the vows. Also Gloria Steacy, an ordained minister and owner of Royal Wedding Gardens & Chapel in LaSalle, recalls a medieval theme wedding where the bride and groom's two cats sat in cages near the altar during the ceremony. It is fast becoming the new trend to include your pet in your wedding day. I have even read a story about a couple who had their horses attend their wedding! Throughout this article I have referred to “dog” as this is the more popular guest at weddings but you could easily substitute this for your own pet whether it’s a ferret or a goldfish -anything is possible! I have also referred to dogs as “he” - this is because my dog (who features in the wedding photo with me!) is a he, it’s not that I am excluding bitches when I make references to dogs.

One of the family!

According to Palmspringslife.com Mindy Weiss a wedding planner based in Los Angeles, who has coordinated the happy occasion for numerous celebrities, says that “I find that about 30 percent of my weddings involve pets.” Many couples consider their pets to be part of their family or their best friends so it is only right that their pet should be given a starring role in their wedding day. For their Californian wedding Myra and John Pugh had their 75-pound Akita-German shepherd mix dog Joy accompany a groomsman down the aisle sporting a collar of red roses and greenery. Palmspringslife.com reports that Joy wagged her tail in approval as the couple made their wedding vows. Myra said “She is a huge part of our life. During the wedding, she didn’t bark once. I think she knew that this was serious stuff.” If you are an animal lover then including your pet in your wedding day is no different to inviting your family and friends. Alice Moon-Fanelli, a certified applied animal behaviorist and assistant professor at Tufts University in North Grafton, Mass. says “Including pets is a statement of solidarity by the couple who mutually agree that the pet plays a major role in both of their lives.”

An increasing number of modern couples are treating their pets as children. Sheila Spitza, co-owner of Wet Nose Pet Spa in Geneva, Illinois says "Couples don't have children, but they do have a dog, so it only makes sense that they would stand up in their wedding". According to Cleveland.com Laura and Bob Mutsko who tied the knot at St. Bede's Catholic Church in Mentor in 1999, had a traditional wedding ceremony but had their “only child” their 4 year old dog Murphy walk up the aisle with them and present their rings and sat amongst the congregation. “Several of the guests came just to see Murphy” Laura says.

Personally, I wanted to have photos taken with my dog on my wedding day and to spend some time with him on the morning of the wedding. This worked out perfectly and he looked very dapper in his tartan bow! Whilst everyone else rushed around me in a mad panic on the morning of my wedding I chilled out in the sunshine outside with my dog – he totally kept me calm. It was the perfect way to start my wedding day!

Evidence of the rise in popularity of dogs participating in weddings is the rapidly increasing sales at pet boutiques of dog tuxedos, miniature sequined wedding gowns, frilly bridesmaid dresses and dog-friendly ring bearer pillows.

Despite the fact that it has become more socially acceptable to make your pet a special part of your wedding day, do be prepared for raised eyebrows and disapproval from some disapproving wedding guests. Don’t worry about it though – in this day and age when themed weddings are bordering on the ridiculous having your dog walk you down the aisle should not shock your guests!

You’re in good company!

Although it is not the norm for couples to include their dogs in their