As if further proof is needed that it's not just wacky dog lovers who are indulging in the trend to include their pets in the most important day of their lives, Jennifer Hudson has jumped on the pet wagon too!

The Oscar- and Grammy-winning star has announced that she is planning on including her 3 dogs, Oscar, Grammy and Dreamgirl, in her upcoming wedding to Harvard Law grad and reality show star David Otunga.

An increasing number of modern couples, like Jennifer and David, are treating their pets as part of their family or their best friends so it is only right that their pet should be given a starring role in their wedding day. From personal experience I have found that some dogs at weddings turn out to be better behaved than the human wedding guests!

According to People.com Jennifer is already thinking of possible roles for her dogs.

"Oscar might be the ring bearer. We’ll send them down the aisle with a little tux or something, a little dress."

If you too are considering including a pet in your wedding check out my blog for unique tips on how to dress them, roles for pets in your wedding, important things to consider beforehand and ideas on how to ensure they don't steal the limelight from you on your wedding day for all the wrong reasons!

Have fun with your wedding planning!

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As you plan your wedding you will receive advice from just about everyone. Friends and family have a million and one tips to pass on, in fact here at Wedaholic I have been offering tips galore. For example tips on wedding djs, getting guests to mingle, giving a great speech and tipping wedding suppliers to name just a few!

I would like to encourage you to sign up for even more tips, by filling in the short form below:

Once you have clicked on the "Send My 1st Tip" button you will receive your first tip in your inbox.

To give you a flavour of what to expect I have copied the types of wedding tips you will receive below:

Sample Tip 1 :

At the reception hall, fill baskets in the bathroom with miniature hand lotions, breath mints, hair sprays, and hair gels for emergency touch-ups. You may also want to put out a basket with a few inexpensive pairs of pantyhose and
some clear nail polish.

"Thanks for all the tips..and for making them genuinely "free".... the tips I found most helpful of your's were about etiquette ... it helps to remind brides of other people's feelings when they are getting caught up in their own! And that idea about giving framed pictures to the parents is one I will definately do! Blessings!" - Suzanne, US

Sample Tip 2 :

Don’t forget grandparents and other relatives who may feel “left out” during the preparations before the wedding. Take a camera along when you are shopping for your dress or looking at flowers.

Send pictures with a quick note that says, “Here’s me rubbing my feet after trying on shoes that were murder!” Or “Aunt Joan, the flowers were beautiful, but I wish you could have been there.”

"Just wanted to thank you for all of the wonderful tips! I enjoy reading them every week!! I will use you're advice throughout the planning of my wedding and on the big day! Thanks again" - Dan

Sample Tip 3 :

For bridesmaids' dresses, consider separates, especially if you have attendants whose sizes and shapes vary widely. Skip the bridal stores and check out department stores for evening skirts and separate tops that are made of luxurious fabrics and trimmed with beading or embroidered details.

"Dear Emily your tips have been very helpful to me in planning for my wedding thank you for all of your help, looking forward to receiving other tips from you. Best Regards" - Cornelia, US

The purpose of a traditional receiving line is to allow the newlyweds, their parents and other members of the bridal party to personally welcome the guests to the wedding. With modern family dynamics now including divorced parents, ex-partners, etc it can make the logistics of who stands where in the receiving line complicated. Put this alongside the fact that receiving lines can be quite time-consuming, and some guests balk at having to stand in line waiting to greet the happy couple, and I suspect these are the reasons why many couples nowadays reject the option of having a receiving line at their wedding.

Personally, I had a receiving line at my wedding and I enjoyed greeting every guest, introducing them to our parents and attendants and thanking each of them for joining us (many of them had travelled large distances to attend our wedding). The alternative would have been to spend the whole evening at the wedding reception chasing down guests on the dance-floor or at the bar in a bid to guarantee that my husband and I personally welcomed each and every guest to our wedding! In this case the receiving line definitely seemed like the easier option for us!

So are receiving lines an out of date tradition and a waste of time, or are they an integral part of your wedding, enabling you to make each of your guests feel valued and welcome? To help you decide I recommend you take a look at this brilliant blog, Receiving Line 101, at ManoloForTheBrides.com. It discusses the advantages and etiquette of receiving lines at weddings. Take a look at the comments section too as there are plenty of great tips for alternative versions of receiving lines including ideas for greeting guests immediately after the ceremony and mingling with guests during the reception meal.

Whether you are hosting an intimate wedding where a receiving line with so few guests would seem redundant, or you simply dislike the idea of a receiving line at your wedding day, remember that you do not have to include every time honored tradition in your wedding day - just do whatever you and your fiancé feel comfortable with.

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Is waltzing round the dance floor at your wedding reception to the gentle crooning of Celine Dion not enough of a show-stopper for you? Perhaps you want to make a bold statement and have your first dance stand out in the memories of your guests. One of the hottest wedding trends is to learn a choreographed routine for your first dance as husband and wife. As I mentioned in my previous blog increasing numbers of newlyweds are abandoning waltzing to traditional classics and instead are performing strategically planned dance displays to music such as the signature tune to Dirty Dancing, MC Hammer's “Can't Touch This” and Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.

According to Adam Gardner and Gemma Rogers of wedding dance company First Dance UK,

"It's very rare for a couple to just ask to be taught the waltz. A lot of the requests are weird and wonderful”.

You only have to take a look at one of the many videos of other couples performing their first dance on YouTube or GoogleVideo to see this for yourself. I’m just hoping one of the couples whose weddings I am due to attend later this year decide to copy the Austin Powers theme tune dance – it looks hilarious!

Whilst I’ve mentioned before that I love newlyweds Brian and Sandy Lundmark’s awe-inspiring rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller dance, I have to say my new personal favorite amongst the first dance wedding videos on You Tube is the body popping couple – it is so cool.

This is a wedding trend which does not look likely to end anytime soon. In fact UKTV Style have devoted a new show, “First Dance”, to just that! Each show follows one of 15 couples on their journey from learning their specially-choreographed secret routine to executing it at their wedding reception. According to the Sun Newspaper newlyweds Andrea and George Georgiou from Edmonton, who feature in the show, said they wanted to try something a bit different for their wedding day. They spent weeks preparing for their first dance to perform in front of their 500 wedding guests and their verdict was,

"It was a bit nerve wracking but when it came to do the dance, all the lights went down and everyone was laughing and cheering as we performed. It was amazing."

If you want your first dance to be a show-stopper and know nothing at all about dancing above and beyond a quick boogie at your local club then perhaps you should think about engaging the services of a dance choreographer. Companies such as First Dance UK offer a helping hand by teaching couples how to put together a dance routine for their wedding to surprise their guests. The choreographers can come to your own home and teach you a unique routine tailor-made to your choice of song and to your dancing ability. You don’t need to have any previous dance experience. A 1 hour trial lesson, costing £60, is recommended if you simply want to learn a few basic moves that you can link together for your first dance song. Alternatively, if you want to learn a full routine for your first dance song they offer a package of 5 lessons for £250.

Whatever you decide to do before you embark on the challenge of organizing your first dance here are some tips:

Top Tips For Orchestrating Your First Dance

Initial decisions

♥ You don’t have to be an exhibitionist to try a choreographed first dance - nobody is going to force you to re-enact the legendary dance sequence from Dirty Dancing. You could try something as straightforward as learning how to foxtrot round the dance floor or a few simple spins, dips and salsa moves. Whatever you do it is sure to be memorable to both you and your wedding guests (hopefully for the right reasons!).

♥ You can choose private lessons with a choreographer, as mentioned above, or opt for the cheaper alternative which is group classes at your local community center or school.

♥ If you are on a tight budget and cannot factor dance lessons into your wedding plans then how about working out your own dance routine. Plenty of couples do it (take a look at the videos on YouTube to see other DIY first dances). Even if you don’t have the dancing prowess of Cheryl Burke or Patrick Swayze you can still put together a first dance sure to impress your wedding guests.

♥ Be creative! The abovementioned newlyweds who body popped their way through their first dance came up with the choreography themselves. See what unique dance ideas you and your fiancé can come up with yourselves. You don’t necessarily need a professional choreographer or dance lessons, all you need is some confidence, the desire to entertain your wedding guests and a willingness to have plenty fun.

♥ If you are looking for inspiration then look no further than the internet. As mentioned, there are hundreds of videos to choose from on the web.

♥ There are also many easy-to-follow instructional videos and DVDs available to buy or rent which can teach you dance moves in the comfort and privacy of your own home.

♥ Initially you should decide on a song you would like to dance to. There are plenty of options available to you. If you are undecided about your first dance song check the list at Firstdance.com which has a huge selection of appropriate wedding dance songs and also check out my blog.

♥ The best type of song to use for your first dance is one with a distinctive beat which is easy to hear.

♥ If you are having trouble picking a song try practicing some dance moves together to your favorite 2 or 3 songs. Settle on whichever of the songs you both feel most comfortable dancing to.

♥ Once you have chosen your first dance song let your choreographer know your choice. They might well ask you to let them have a CD copy of the song so that they can listen to it in advance of your first meeting to begin to visualize a suitable dance routine for you.

♥ It is best that you dance to recorded music so that you get used to the timing of it and know exactly what to expect on your big day.

♥ However, if you are intending to dance to live music make sure the band know how you want the song to be played. Provide them with a CD copy of the song you would like to dance to so that they can familiarize themselves with it before the wedding day. Additionally, it would be wise to hear the band play in person or request a recording of their version of your chosen song so that you can be sure they are going to play an accurate version for your first dance.

♥ Alternatively you might prefer to copy a well-known dance routine (e.g. Dirty Dancing, Thriller, Pulp Fiction) and use the specific song which goes in tandem with it.

♥ Another decision you will need to make early on is whether or not you would like your choreographed first dance to be a secret or not. Part of the appeal is surely to see your guests’ shocked reactions on your wedding day as you wow them with your first dance?

♥ Once you have decided this, consider whether you would like to invite family members or members of your bridal party to participate in the dance with you (I say participate because under no circumstances should you force an unwilling groomsman, bridesmaid etc to take part in the first dance if they are at all reluctant!). If they are agreeable you could arrange group dance lessons (see the “Thriller” video for an example of how much fun you could have as a dancing troupe).

♥ Some people feel that the first dance is the bride and groom’s moment to shine in the spotlight and thus the wedding party should not be included in it. If you feel this way but want to include them in your dance routine somehow you could have them participate in the latter part of the routine (check out the Dirty Dancing routine where the bridal party joined in at the end of the dance – it was really effective, particularly as the groomsmen were able to assist the couple with perfecting the infamous lift at the end of the song!).

♥ Alternatively you could consider a second song for the wedding party to perform their own dance routine. I absolutely love this video of the bride’s father, brother, brother-in-law and groomsman replicating Ok Go’s dance routine to “Here It Goes Again” – what a fabulous way of entertaining your wedding guests. Your only fear with something like this happening at your wedding is that they will steal you and your spouse’s thunder on the dance floor!

♥ When learning the moves for your first dance try not to be overly ambitious. There is no point in you and your fiancé pushing yourselves beyond your comfort zone – you want to look happy and comfortable during your first dance not like a couple of deer caught in headlights! Be aware of your limitations and adapt the dance to suit you and your dancing ability. For example in one of the episodes of “First Dance” the groom-to-be suffered a bad back so he opted out of lifting his bride-to-be during the first dance routine they learnt.

The 3 minute rule

♥ One of the most important things to bear in mind when choosing the song to dance your first dance to is that less is always more! You don’t want to choose a song that lasts longer than 3 minutes or you run the risk of losing your audience’s attention.

♥ Just as wedding speeches should be kept short and sweet so that they don't bore your wedding guests, the same applies with your first dance. Ok, you might have spent months practicing the moves and you really want your guests to appreciate all of your hard work, but you can achieve this in 3 minutes – you don’t have to let the first dance drag on.

♥ Remember that your first dance is supposed to be a gift to your guests not a means of torturing them!

♥ If you do choose a song which lasts longer than 3 minutes, bear in mind that you do not need to dance to the entire song. Ask your DJ or nominated person in charge of music at your reception to cut the song or fade it out after a pre-determined point or if you are having a live band ask them to play a shortened version.

♥ Alternatively you could invite your wedding party or even your guests as a whole to join you on the dance floor for the latter part of the song. Just make a decision in advance of the wedding day and let your DJ or person in charge of your music know what is going to happen once your 3 minutes in the spotlight are up!

Practice makes perfect

♥ You should plan your first dance well in advance of your wedding as you will need as much practice as possible. Ideally you should begin practicing your first dance 6 months ahead of time. If this is not possible, at the very least you should start your private lessons or your own practice sessions at least 3 months in advance of your wedding.

♥ The earlier you start practicing your dance routine the more time you will have to make necessary changes before your wedding day. Having to make last-minute alterations to your choice of music, style of dance, etc are very likely to cause you stress (something couples certainly do not need in the weeks prior to their wedding day!).

♥ First Dance UK recommend that typically couples require 5 hours of lessons to learn a first dance routine.

♥ If you are involving friends and family in your first dance routine you must find time as a group to practice together. It can sometimes be tricky to schedule practice sessions for a large group. Make sure they can all commit to the practice sessions before you start learning your dance routine. It would be a shame if members of the group decided to pull out once you have started rehearsals.

♥ Get as much practice with your fiancé as you possibly can (at least twice a week). The more you rehearse your first dance the more comfortable and confident you will feel and look on the actual wedding day.

♥ If you are having private dance lessons, practice in between them at home. All you need is half an hour here and there and a bit of clear floor space.

♥ Whilst it is important that you get to know every beat of the music in your first dance song, choreographers recommend that you practice the dance routine without the music too - this will help you to focus solely on perfecting your dance moves.

♥ Remember that you are not a professional dance duo. Don’t be too hard on each other whilst you are learning and practicing your dance routine. It is inevitable that you will make mistakes but the important thing is to keep practicing and not fall out over it.

♥ In the run up to your wedding you want to be able to enjoy your dance lessons with your fiancé so make sure you allow enough time. Taking an hour out of your schedules once a week in the busy build up to your wedding will probably be beneficial to both of you. Your dance sessions can become a date night where you spend time together and enjoy each others company away from all of your other stresses, strains and wedding preparations.

Dress to impress

♥ It is important when planning your first dance to think carefully about what you will be wearing on your wedding day. You need to be able to comfortably perform all of your dance moves.

♥ Check the length of your wedding dress. If it is too long your dancing partner might step on it during the first dance. During your dress fittings check that your heels are not likely to get caught in its hem. Ideally the hem should be at least 1.5cm off the floor.

♥ If you have a wedding train be sure that you have the option to pin it up at the back or have it attached to your wrist to keep it swept up and out of the way during the first dance.

♥ You might find that the shape of your wedding dress dictates what style of dance you are able to perform. For example, if you have chosen a dramatic ball gown style with a full skirt are you really going to be able to participate in a swing dance? If you are wearing a low cut strapless wedding dress are you definitely going to be able to execute a backward bend during the first dance without showing more than a bride should?

♥ Is your dress tight fitting? Will you be able to dance comfortably in it?

♥ If you have any worries at all about your ability to perform your chosen dance routine in your wedding attire, let your dance teacher know.

♥ You might well find that some dance moves have to be moderated if your dress restricts them. For example, if you are unable to comfortably raise your arms in your wedding dress then you will be unable to incorporate spins into your dance routine as these require you to raise you arms above your head.

♥ Whilst watching one of the first dance videos on You Tube I couldn’t help but notice that every time the groom was spinning his bride on the dance floor both he and she were catching their hands and arms on her huge tiara. If you are wearing a tiara as part of your wedding attire choose one which is not going to hinder your all important dance moves. My advice is to have a practice waving your hands above your head when choosing a suitable tiara - you might get some strange looks in the shop but it will give you one less thing to worry about during your first dance.

♥ The best thing you can do when practicing your first dance is to dress in clothing similar to that which you intend to wear on your wedding day. In last week’s "First Dance" show the choreographer arranged for a mock-up of the bride’s fish-tail wedding dress to be made up in cheap fabric for her to practice in.

♥ If the groom-to-be intends on keeping his jacket on for the first dance then it makes sense that he should practice the dance routine in a jacket. This will be a great way for him to determine whether or not his dance moves will be restricted by wearing a jacket.

♥ It is also important to make sure that you feel comfortable dancing in your wedding shoes. You should wear the shoes you plan to wear for your actual first dance to your dance lessons. This is important, so that you not only have the chance to practice your dance routine in your wedding shoes but you will also be breaking them in so that they adjust and stretch to fit your feet prior to your big day.

♥ To avoid getting your wedding shoes damaged or scuffed during dance rehearsals you could wear a similar style of shoe to get used to the heel height etc or you could protect your actual wedding shoes by covering them with athletic socks or nylon stockings.

♥ For the groom it is very important that he makes sure that the soles of his wedding shoes are suitable for the proposed dance floor surface. The last thing you want is for the groom to be sliding about the dance floor (keep in mind the episode of Friends where Chandler surprises Monica by announcing he's been taking dancing lessons but his wedding shoes are so slippery, he is incapable of dancing!).

♥ Also, if the groom is going to be wearing patent leather shoes for the dance, make sure that you break them in prior to the wedding dance as they tend to squeak when rubbed together. The solution is to rub some petroleum jelly or even hair conditioner onto the shoes where they rub.

♥ If your shoes are too uncomfortable or impractical to perform your first dance in then there is nothing to stop you changing your footwear prior to the dance.

♥ The same goes for your clothing - there is no shame in changing into an alternative outfit to perform your first dance in if you feel more comfortable doing so. Changing your clothing could be beneficial if you are copying a known dance routine (the groom in the Dirty Dancing video on YouTube changed from his wedding outfit into a black vest top and trousers, so he totally looked the part). Consider your choice of clothes carefully – are you really going to feel relaxed body popping in your voluminous princess style wedding dress!

Get to know your dance floor

♥ The last thing you want before you perform your first dance on your wedding day are any last minute surprises so make sure you know the exact layout, size and shape of your wedding reception dance floor well in advance.

♥ Even if you cannot see the actual space in situ you can at least ask the hotel or venue manager for the measurements of the dance floor you will be using on your wedding day.

♥ If you have an idea of the size and shape your dance space will be you can practice and get used to dancing in the same amount of space. Whilst watching the show "First Dance" I noticed that the choreographer marked out the dimensions of the couple’s proposed wedding dance floor on the floor of her dance studio with tape for their practice sessions. This is a great idea as it means that if you are expecting to dance in an awkward shaped dance space on your wedding day you will be well used to it. You don’t want to run the risk of having your first dance cut short as you crash into a wall or collide with a pillar do you!

♥ The size of your dance space can influence what type of dance routine you are able to perform for your first dance. If the space is miniscule you might have to moderate your routine and do similar dance moves but on a smaller scale.

♥ If possible examine the dance space in person and try dancing on it (or at the very least walking on it) with your wedding shoes on. If your chosen dance space has a highly polished floor covering such as marble you might find it to be quite slippery to dance on (again, think of Chandler in Friends ending up in the splits position on the dance floor – not how you want your wedding guests to remember your first dance!). At least if you know what flooring you will be working with in advance you can adjust your dance routine accordingly.

♥ In the same vein, if your wedding reception is going to be outdoors make sure that there is going to be a proper dance floor installed for you on your wedding day. If performing your first dance on grass is your only option then make sure you have plenty of practice dancing on this type of surface (and remember that the bride will definitely have to forsake her high heeled wedding shoes unless she wants to get stuck in the grass!).

♥ When looking at your dance space you should plan where you are going to start and end your first dance. If you are using a professional choreographer take their advice as to what will work best on your wedding day.

♥ Once you have decided, make sure that the wedding reception venue staff, DJ/band members/person in charge of your music, photographer, videographer and anyone else assisting you with your first dance (including backing dancers) know precisely where you will be entering the dance floor and where you will be exiting. You want helpers who are aware of your surprise first dance to be able to direct the wedding guests to the dance floor area at the right time and position them appropriately without any guests, venue staff or band members encroaching on your dance space!

Things to remember in the run up to your wedding day

♥ Ensure your DJ, band leader or nominated person in charge of music at your wedding reception is clear about when you are starting your dance routine and what is happening at the end of it.

♥ You are better off performing your first dance at the beginning of your wedding reception’s entertainment. Once the dance is out of the way you can relax and enjoy the rest of the party.

♥ Make sure your DJ has the correct version of the song you want to dance to – sometimes songs have alternative and remixed versions. It’s probably best to provide the DJ with a CD of your song just to be on the safe side.

♥ Keep your reception venue fully informed of your plans for your first dance. Remind them that it is a secret from the rest of your wedding party and guests so that they do not ruin your surprise and also ask that the wait staff avoid the dance floor area for the duration of your first dance.

♥ Remember to let your photographer and/or videographer in on your secret dance routine. They will need advance notice so that they can find the best viewpoint at your wedding reception to capture your dazzling performance.

♥ Discuss with your photographer what style of photos you would prefer when it comes to your first dance. Full body shots of the two of you are preferable as you don’t want your fancy footwork to be overlooked in the photos!

♥ The same applies to your videographer if you are using one. Let them know the layout of the dance floor and discuss with them the best positioning for their video cameras.

♥ When you and your other half take to the dance floor for your first dance together as a married couple everyone is going to be watching – remember though it’s not just your wedding guests who might be witnessing your first dance. Newlyweds Julia Boggio and James Derbyshire received over 1.3 million views after the video of their first dance to the Dirty Dancing tune made it onto YouTube. What a novel idea and a surefire way to make your wedding reception not only stand out in every one of your wedding guest's minds in the years to come but also capture the interest of a million YouTube viewers!

Dance tips for on the day

♥ Your partner might feel nervous about dancing in front of all of your wedding guests - before the performance tell them how much you appreciate that they are participating in this with you and give them a reassuring hug.

♥ Take time before and during the first dance to encourage each other. A smile from you is sure to do wonders for your dance partner’s confidence levels.

♥ Walk onto the dance floor with confidence and hold yourself tall and proud.

♥ Even if you are concentrating hard on remembering your dance steps, make an effort to smile.

♥ Remember to look straight ahead and not at your feet when dancing (it is tempting to watch your feet if you are trying to perform complicated dance steps).

♥ Listen to the beat of the music and make sure that you keep in time with it.

♥ Whilst it is important that you maintain eye contact with your partner, try to enjoy the moment and look out at your audience too. It will give your confidence a great boost when you see all of those familiar faces cheering you on!

♥ Also, try to look towards the photographer and videographer when you get the opportunity so that they get some good shots of your face.

♥ Try to loosen up. I have witnessed first dance routines where the bride and groom are really stiff and unnatural looking and totally look like they wish they were somewhere else. Don’t let nerves get the better of you – after all your hard work try to enjoy your first dance and have some fun.

♥ To prevent blocking each others view as you dance, the bride should try to look diagonally to her right over the groom’s left shoulder.

♥ Never surprise your partner with unrehearsed moves on your wedding day. Whilst it is great to be innovative with your dance routine prior to your big day do not try to introduce new dance moves during the first dance. You run the risk of throwing your partner off course or worse still off balance!

♥ If anything goes wrong during the first dance just smile and keep going. So long as you look like you are having fun your guests will not even notice your mistakes.

♥ Remember that you are not contestants on “Strictly Come Dancing” or "Dancing With The Stars" - your wedding guests are not judging your dancing skills! These people witnessing your first dance love you and will be enjoying seeing the two of you dance for the first time as husband and wife – that overrides any dancing faux pas you may make.

♥ No matter how relieved you feel at the end of your first dance don’t forget the most important part of it – to give your dancing partner a well-deserved kiss!

I hope that these tips have helped you decide whether or not a dazzling first dance is for you. If you are considering putting together a dance routine for your wedding to surprise your guests then I recommend you watch the show “First Dance” which airs on Sunday at 7.00pm on UKTV Style.

If you follow my advice then your first dance should be exactly what it is supposed to be – a fun and romantic experience, the memories of which will last you a lifetime!

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Marks & Spencer’s are already an easily affordable one-stop shop for couples planning their weddings with their range of wedding products and services available, including stationary, insurance, lingerie and accessories, flowers and cakes. Now they have taken a bigger bite out of the wedding pie by launching a range of wedding dresses ranging in price from £59-£150 - perfect for the bride-to-be on a budget!

The new collection of bridal and occasionwear will be available at M&S stores and online in March 2007. The collection consists of wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses, grooms' suits, page boys’ outfits and occasionwear for guests and other attendants. According to a review at Fashionunited.co.uk brides-to-be can choose from a range of five wedding dresses which include full length and knee length skirts and strappy and bustier style dresses in classic white or cream. Take a look at one of the dresses yourself at Bridalwave.tv. I personally think that M&S’s dresses will sell very well. It’s great that modern brides are being offered the option of choosing a more affordable wedding dress. It’s about time that the wedding dress market realized that they need to make wedding dresses available to suit every pocket and every style of bride.

According to lse.co.uk the average bride spends £826 on her wedding dress. This is a huge amount of money to spend on a dress which will only be worn once, even if the wedding dress is one of the main focal points at a wedding. Every bride wants her chance to play dress-up and shine like a fairytale princess or a Hollywood star on her wedding day, but nowadays there is no need for you to spend such a huge proportion of your wedding budget just to get yourself a beautiful dress. With the advent of the new ranges of off-the-peg wedding dresses being produced by stores such as Asda, H&M and M&S you can grab yourself an elegant wedding dress without having to compromise on style and fashion and most importantly without having to pay designer prices!

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I was amused to read a story about a couple who chose to say "I Boo" at their Halloween Wedding in Moundsville, West Virginia at the weekend. According to wtov9.com Alvin and Carol Stillwell exchanged their vows in full Halloween costumes and their friends and family followed the Halloween theme with their wedding attire too - there were plenty of ghosts, witches and goblins cheering the couple on!

A lot of couples, like the Stillwell's, choose to get married on Halloween because it is their favorite holiday. It is certainly one way of ensuring your wedding is remembered for years to come as it is a very unique and wacky theme.

For those of you with a fun-loving nature and a penchant for all things Halloween why not consider it as your wedding theme? Think of the abundance of Halloween decorations there are available for you to use for your wedding if you chose this theme. You could host the wedding reception in a spooky mansion or castle and decorate it with pumpkin carvings, jack-o-lanterns, candelabras, plastic spiders, skulls, bats and eerie lighting. A bubbling cauldron (using a dry ice machine) would be sure to add a spooky atmosphere to the wedding reception and you could tie in the catering to match your Halloween theme (click here to read one bride's catering choices for her wedding including a Jell-O brain mould!). You could carry the Halloween theme all the way through your wedding planning from the wedding invitations down to the cake and favors - what fun! A black wedding dress is a popular choice for Halloween brides and their wedding party and you could choose dramatic blood red roses for your bouquet. By using a Halloween theme for your wedding you would also giving your guests an opportunity to let their hair down and dress up in costumes rather than their Sunday best!

Take a look at Wednet.com for more Halloween decorating ideas.

Do bear in mind that Halloween weddings need not be tacky. If you need reassurance read the Knot's story of a couple who exchanged vows dressed in black at a gothic church in Manhattan and then celebrated their reception in a big, spooky dungeon.

Just think, you will never find a better excuse to host a Halloween party every year than it being your wedding anniversary! Use the comments section below to share your opinion - I would love to hear from you!

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I have been reliably informed that the Autumn/Winter 2006 bridal collection appearing on the catwalk at this year’s National Wedding Shows in London and Birmingham will reflect the ‘wow’ factor normally associated with the catwalks of Milan, Paris, New York and London. The dresses will be glamorous with lines and structure that accentuate the bride’s curves. I have also learnt that colour is also a strong feature for this Autumn and all the shades of blues can be seen as well as pastel pink, peach and green.

Susi Rogol, Editor of Bridal Buyer comments:

“The choice is as breathtaking as the gowns themselves. Sumptuous Marie-Antoinette multi-layered skirts topped by tightly sculpted bodices (Sophia Coppola’s movie will make this the look); 50s-style flirty-skirt shorties with pretty princess necklines; slinky body-skimmers in soft, fluid fabrics worn with tiny lacey bolero tops, gossamer-fine shrugs, or short tailored jacket with high collars. Taffeta is the big-news fabric – crunched, scrunched, swathed and ruched to accentuate curves. Look out for colour – softly, softly pinks, blues, greens and rich topaz golds. There couldn’t be a better time to be a bride.”

The overall theme of the catwalk show is The Four Seasons. Brides, grooms and mother of the bride will find inspiration for all types of wedding.

Spring: Enchanted Garden with fauna and flora inspired decoration and Dressing Up Box with vintage inspired gowns.

Summer: Beach Bride will include a selection of chiffons, silks and natural fibres in neutral colours while Tropical Island will be the same in bold hot colours.

Autumn: Magic Carpet will showcase ethnic influences bridalwear as well as menswear followed by Medieval Heroes and Heroines in their rich and opulent fabrics and styles.

Winter: Snow Palace featuring cloaks and capes.

The catwalk shows will include a dazzling selection of wedding dresses, from top designers who create gowns for the stars to high street fashion brands, covering all budgets and tastes.

I can hardly wait!

If you are in or near London next week I highly recommend you take the time to visit the show. The dates are: London Earls Court Sept 29-1 Oct / Birmingham NEC Oct 13-15 Oct.

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I have recently received wedding shop reviews from brides who subscribe to my weekly wedding tips, most being located in the US and the UK.

I believe it is useful to provide this information, so as engaged brides can see which shops have previously provided a good shopping experience.

The first review is definitely biased as it is written by someone who works in the actual shop! Nevertheless if an employee has taken the time to write to me with a informative review of their shop I see no harm in posting it. In fact I will gladly post this type of self promotion if it offers an interesting and valuable overview of their wedding shop.

So here goes, with a lot more reviews to come:

David's Bridal - Gunbarrell Pointe Shopping Center, 1820 Gunbarrel Road, Suite 400, Chattanooga, TN 37421

"I work at this particular wedding shop, so I guess this might be a bit biased....however...

The selection is huge here and you can buy your wedding gown, bridesmaids, mothers, or flower girl dresses off the rack or by order. There are informal and formal styles, the David's Bridal Collection and three designer collections featuring Oleg Cassini, Monique Luo, and Galina.

Bridal gown orders can take 12 weeks, but often come in in three or 4. Most bridesmaid orders take around 6 weeks but can get in in less than that in a lot of cases.

Prices are also reasonable and able to fit all budgets - styles run from $299 to $1200 for wedding gowns, and often there is a sale for $99 dollar gowns which discounts all other gowns and accessories. Bridesmaids run from $99-$240, so there is a choice for all budgets. (AND, your bridal party members get discounts on their gowns when you buy your wedding gown there...makes for happy people).

Sizes run from 0 to 26W in wedding gowns and 2 to 26 in bridesmaids/mothers styles. There are somewhere near 30 different bridesmaids colors and styles to match formal and casual weddings. Flower girls run from 18months to 14 childrens and Junior Bridesmaids are 8 to 18 childrens.

Almost all bridal accessories are available as well - veils, blushers, jewelry, headpieces, gloves, shoes, handbags, handkerchiefs, garters, etc. are available for order or purchase. A full line of dyeable shoes (sizes 5-11) and dyeable purses as well as silk shoes and purses (not dyeable).

You can check some of it out online at DavidsBridal.com, however not all items are on the website.

I really think it's a great resource especially if you are on a time crunch. Besides, if I do say so myself, the staff are splendid! Be sure to call for an appointment to ensure availability of a consultant when you arrive.

Debra"

All reviewer details are available upon request.

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My sister announced at the weekend that she is getting remarried. This will be her second marriage. My family and I are so excited for her that she has found love again and that she is brave enough to put her faith in the institution of marriage after an acrimonious divorce.

All the wedding talk at her engagement announcement party got me thinking about planning a wedding second time around. It is a totally different scenario to organizing your first wedding - you are older (usually this is the case - I think Britney Spears’ two weddings within nine months of each other is quite unique), wiser and will have more experience of your expectations not just for your second wedding day but also your second marriage!

Whether it is due to divorce or death of a spouse increasing numbers of people are making a trip of the aisle for a second time. According to WeddingGazette.com 4 out of every 10 weddings nowadays are second marriages for one or both partners. According to the US Census Bureau one-third of couples getting married in the USA have been married before and every year nearly one million American women marry for the second time. You are in good company if you are planning on saying “I do” for the second time - Madonna, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, Demi Moore, Britney Spears and more recently Pamela Anderson have all enjoyed a second trip down the aisle.

If you too are thinking about taking the plunge again then here are some top tips and advice for making your encore wedding even more unique and memorable than your first.

Announcing Your Engagement

If you have children

♥ Once you are engaged the first people you should tell are your children. You definitely need their approval of your future nuptials before you can start making any plans.

♥ You should inform your children of your engagement as soon as possible so that they have plenty of time to adjust to the idea. We are bombarded by the media, particularly by television shows such as "The Brady Bunch", with images of perfectly blended stepfamilies. Of course there will be tears and turbulence as your family unit changes size with your second wedding but becoming a proper united family is not an unattainable feat - it just needs time and perseverance!

♥ You should definitely let your children decide for themselves if they want to participate in your second wedding.

If you are a widow or widower

♥ If your first spouse died then you will need to be sensitive to your deceased spouse's families' feelings. Out of respect for the family you should let them know in person (if you have children by your deceased spouse and remain in constant contact with the family) or by letter (if you have become distant from them and are not used to telephoning them or seeing them in person) that you are remarrying.

♥ Whether or not you invite your deceased spouse's family to your second wedding is a very delicate etiquette issue. If your children (their grandchildren) are participating in your wedding then consider whether they would enjoy attending so that they could see this. Use your own judgment as to whether you think it would stir up too many sad memories for them (and you). Second weddings do present social and emotional issues such as this - it comes with the territory I'm afraid!

If you are divorced

♥ If you are divorced without children then there is no need for you to mention your second marriage to your ex-spouse unless you are on good terms with them and keep in touch with each others news.

♥ If you are divorced with children then you must let your ex-spouse know about your upcoming nuptials. If your children are old enough then you can ask if they would prefer to tell their parent about your second wedding or if they want you to break the happy news. You should try to let your ex-spouse know as soon as possible after you have told your children about your engagement, so that your children do not have to keep it a secret and will free to discuss your upcoming wedding openly.

♥ If you are not on speaking terms with your ex then you could put your news in a letter to them and mention that you have explained it to your children and that your wish is for your children to be a part of your wedding day. Although as co-parent you don’t need permission for your own children to participate in your wedding ceremony, it would make things easier all round if your ex-spouse was consulted at an early stage so that any objections could be aired and discussed and you could guarantee their full co-operation with your upcoming wedding plans.

Organizing your second wedding

When it comes to organizing a second wedding many couples choose to spend less time planning the wedding event than they did first time round and more time enjoying the run up to their wedding day. Second weddings are usually smaller and more intimate but there are no rules if you want a repeat of your first extravagant wedding. Some brides, (such as my sister) who had only a very small wedding first time round, enjoy the thought of an elaborate second wedding. My sister admits that this time round she knows exactly what she wants for her wedding day as she has attended innumerous weddings since her first wedding 12 years ago.

The advantages of organizing a wedding second time around are:

♥ You know the pitfalls and what could go wrong as you have probably experienced a few with your first wedding.

♥ You have a better idea of what style and theme of wedding you want as you have more experience of weddings you have attended over the years.

♥ You are free to create any kind of wedding you and your partner want - be as creative as you want (so long as your budget allows it!).

♥ You can invite who you want to your wedding this time round without the restrictions of having parents impose their choice of guests on you.

♥ Hopefully you are in a better financial position than you were when you first got married so you might be able to afford all of the luxury extras for your second wedding that were not within your first wedding budget.

According to Vibride.com Dee Merz, a wedding consultant with Everlasting Memories in California, says that she enjoys organizing second weddings.

“The brides know themselves better as women and they rarely break a sweat when making decisions. Grooms play a much bigger role in the planning, and every choice is geared to reflecting the couple’s unique personalities.”

Top tips when organizing your second wedding:

Venue

♥ You can host your wedding anywhere second time around, there is so much choice. I know many bride and grooms who have remarried for the second or third time in a church. Just because you are a divorcee does not automatically mean that you must remarry in a Registry Office or at other licensed premises and have a civil ceremony. If it is important to you, your partner and your family to have a religious ceremony then enquire of your local church about their policy for second marriages - some churches are stricter than others. With second marriages becoming increasingly common most ministers will understand your situation and will help you to reach a solution if you have your heart set on a religious wedding ceremony.

♥ Destination weddings have become increasingly popular for second marriages, particularly those with children as the ceremony can be incorporated into a fun family holiday!

♥ Bear in mind that it would be in bad taste to host your second wedding in the same location as your first wedding!

Legal requirements

♥ It goes without saying that in order to remarry you will need to supply the registrar with either a decree absolute proving that you are legally divorced from your first spouse, or a death certificate if you are widowed. Make sure that your paperwork is in order well in advance of applying for your marriage license.

♥ In a second marriage where children are involved ensure that you seek appropriate legal advice with regard to financial and inheritance aspects of your union and guardianship issues.

Vows

♥ Vows for a second wedding are another emotive issue which need delicate handling. Of course you promised to "love, honor and respect for all eternity" your first spouse so what do the words really mean if "eternity" turned out to be just a couple of years! The important thing with wedding vows is that you say them with confidence and believe them yourself at the time of saying them to the person you have chosen to marry.

♥ If you are looking for alternative ideas for wedding vows for your second wedding Idotaketwo.com has some unique wordings which could help you.

Wedding traditions for a second wedding

♥ The tradition of having a wedding cake is the same for a second wedding. However, according to Vibride.com throwing the bouquet, wearing a garter and throwing confetti are not proper etiquette for a second wedding. I have seen all of these things done at second and third weddings so I think it is just a case of do whatever feels right for you on your wedding day.

♥ You probably already have an album full of photos from your first wedding that you rarely look at nowadays but don't let this put you off having a photographer at your second wedding. Of course you will want a record of your second wedding, especially if it is the first wedding for one of you.

♥ When it comes to the question of walking up the aisle you might think it improper to ask your Father or whomever gave you away at your first wedding but there are no etiquette rules about this for second weddings. You can walk up the aisle alone, on the arm of your Father, Mother, Brother or even child if you want.

♥ The decision of whether to have attendants at your second wedding is, again, entirely up to you. There are no rules about this. Guests usually expect at least a couple of attendants at second weddings. Don't worry if you want to ask your friends or family to repeat the performance they gave as attendants at your first wedding. It is not seen as unlucky to ask the same attendants who stood by you at your first wedding to stand by you at your second wedding. A friend of mine has been Best Man at both of his brother's weddings.

♥ Bridal Showers are still appropriate for second weddings. You probably have new friends since you first married and they will want to help you celebrate your impending nuptials regardless of whether or not you have done it all before. You can choose to have a more moderate bridal shower if you prefer.

Involving Children in a Second Wedding

If you and/or your partner have children from your own relationship or from previous relationships then you will undoubtedly want them to participate in your wedding plans. The best way to make children feel involved in the whole process of organising a second wedding is to include them in the wedding planning. It is not just you who is getting remarried, so too are your children!

Whilst your choice of spouse has been your decision you should allow your children some say in your wedding planning. Discuss with them their thoughts on your second wedding and ask them how they would like to be involved. You should refer to it as "our" wedding day rather than solely yours and your partner's.

According to Jill Curtis, author of "How to Get Married Again: A Guide to Second Weddings" (available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk) she says,

"My research showed that children not included in at least part of the ceremony often find it more difficult to accept the stepparent. One dilemma may be for a child who thinks her "other" parent may well feel left out and not want the child to take part in a second wedding ceremony. Will it be seen as a betrayal? Or acceptance of the new stepparent?"

Make your children feel wanted and needed by giving them a role in your wedding day. Here are some ideas for ways to include them in your second wedding:

♥ Try to include something symbolic within your wedding ceremony which will signify to all present that you, your partner and your children coming together as a unified family.

♥ Some couples present their children with rings during the wedding ceremony.

♥ It is becoming increasingly popular to include a family vow after the bride and groom's vows during the wedding ceremony where children join the bride and groom to recite some words and have their new blended family blessed.

♥ Daughters can act as maids-of-honor or flower girls.

♥ Sons can stand as "best men", ushers or ring bearers.

♥ Ask your/your partner's children to walk you down the aisle and give you away.

♥ As a family stand at the altar and light a unity candle together.

♥ Ask children to be in charge of the guestbook.

♥ If they are confident speakers they could make a special toast during the wedding reception.

♥ Offer them the chance to give a reading during the wedding ceremony.

Some additional points to remember:

♥ Whatever role you or your children choose for your second wedding make sure that they are comfortable with it.

♥ Ask a family member to keep an eye on your children on your wedding day if you anticipate that you will be too distracted to keep a watchful eye on them.

♥ Remember that your wedding day marks a new beginning for your children too and it can be confusing for them, whether they are 3 years old or 15 years old.

Jill Curtis says,

"A wedding is a landmark in any family and those adults and children who have been burned by the fallout of an earlier divorce or death of a parent will be particularly sensitive to the meaning of the occasion. With some planning, a lot of discussion, and a little bit of luck, it will be a day memories are made of."

♥ If you are divorced you might find that your children have always had a secret fantasy that you and your ex would get back together again. Your second wedding will put an end to this hope so treat your child sensitively.

♥ If your split from your ex-spouse was acrimonious your impending second wedding might stir up painful memories for your children. I know that my 10 year old nephew worries that he will see his Mum be hurt again (bless him!). The best thing you can do as a parent about to embark on a second wedding is to reassure your child that this is a different situation, you are different, you are stronger and the person you are marrying is your soulmate who you want to share your life with.

To compare or not to compare?

♥ Try not to compare your second wedding to your first wedding. My sister has already begun to start sentences with “At my first wedding we had this/we did this…”. This is a definite no-go area for anyone planning their encore wedding. Your fiancé, his family and also your own family and friends do not want to be reminded of your first wedding. This wedding which you are planning now is a unique occasion and should be treated as such, not judged against your first trip up the aisle.

♥ It is an undeniable fact that guests who were present at your first wedding will compare it with your second wedding. I hold my own hands up and admit I have done it myself when I have attended first and second weddings. There is no way to prevent your guests from doing this so you should just come to terms with it before your wedding day.

♥ Don't go overboard trying to plan your second wedding to be a polar opposite of your first wedding. At the end of the day so long as you and your partner are happy with your wedding plans and do everything you can to ensure your guests enjoyment then you can't do more than that. Inevitably there will be similarities between the two weddings - besides everything else they will both involve rings, vows and celebrations of some sort!

♥ With your wedding speeches it is usual for the Best Man, Father of the Bride, Groom and even the Bride to make a reference to the lives of the bride and groom before they met and traditionally some reference to exes would be made. Tread very carefully here! It would be seen to be in poor taste if your first stab at marriage is referred to at your second wedding. You don't want to make your guests, your new partner or your children feel uncomfortable on your wedding day.

Footing the bill for a second wedding

With second weddings where the bride has been married before it is normal for the bride and groom to split the costs of the wedding between them. You should definitely not expect either set of parents to pay towards your second wedding. If it is the bride’s first wedding but the groom’s second, then you will probably find that the bride’s parents will want to contribute towards the wedding costs. It is also quite common for one or both sets of parents to offer financial help towards the wedding costs. In this case you should weigh up whether you want to accept their kind offer as financial input being given by parents can sometimes equate to organizational input being expected with your wedding. One of the main advantages of paying for your own wedding of course is that you are free to make your own decisions when planning the wedding without having input from your parents.

If you are paying for the wedding yourselves then you should create an affordable wedding budget and stick to it. As with any wedding it is possible to have your dream wedding at an affordable cost, but I think this is the case more so with second weddings as you do not need to pull out all of the stops. Second weddings for brides are more about starting a new life with your new husband than about having the expensive dress, breathtaking table ceterpieces, stylish wedding favors and other wedding paraphernalia. That being said, if you can afford it then why not go ahead and organize the extravagant wedding you have always dreamt of!

Invitations

♥ As mentioned, it is completely up to you and your partner whether you choose to have a small wedding attended only by immediate family and close friends or a larger wedding inviting everyone who is important to you both.

♥ Inviting an ex-spouse to your second wedding is thought to be bad form. It depends on your personal circumstances whether or not you want to invite your ex to your wedding. Demi Moore invited Bruce Willis to her nuptials with Ashton Kutcher and at her wedding earlier this month Pamela Anderson asked new husband Kid Rock’s ex Tamara Mellon to be her bridesmaid! If your ex-spouse is a co-parent of your children then your children might feel more at ease at the wedding if they too are invited. You should do what you and your fiancé feel comfortable with - it is your wedding day!

If you and your partner are hosting your own second wedding then the invitation should be worded along the lines of:

If it is the bride’s first wedding and her parents are contributing financially towards it then you might prefer that they host the wedding, in which case the invitation could read as follows:

If you have children you might like to include their names on the invitations or even have them named as hosts of the wedding (this would make them feel very included and very special!).

Check out Weddings.about.com for more ideas and inspiration for wording invitations for your second wedding.

Bridal Attire for Second Weddings

The most important thing for any bride on her wedding day whether it is her first, second or even eighth wedding (à la Elizabeth Taylor!) is that she feels comfortable, confident, relaxed and, most importantly, beautiful. No matter how many times someone has been married they always want to feel and look like a princess on their special day!

As an encore bride you should not feel restricted about your choice of wedding attire. Old traditions used to point second time brides away from full length gowns, veils and the wearing of ivory or white for their subsequent nuptials but this is no longer the case. You can choose any color or style you wish so long as it suits your age and flatters your figure. If you are a mature encore bride then you are unlikely to want to wear a Cinderella ball gown; you might prefer to choose a simple yet elegant sheath dress, suit or a less formal wedding gown and accessorize with a hat, decorative headpiece or tiara rather than a full veil. According to Nina Callaway of About Weddings,

“Most brides getting remarried have already had their "Princess in a white dress" moment the first time around, and so opt for a more mature look such as a brocade suit or a simple cocktail dress. However, if you eloped the first time, or simply want to have that Princess moment again, there's no reason why you can't. In fact, as divorce and remarriage becomes an evermore regular part of our society, the possibilities for what a second wedding dress can be are endless”.

To help you decide what style of wedding attire is appropriate for your second wedding you should first decide what type of wedding ceremony you are having. Are you having a traditional church wedding, outdoors wedding, destination or beach wedding? If, like Pamela Anderson, you choose to have your second wedding aboard a yacht anchored off of St Tropez, then this will dictate your style of wedding attire (in her case a white string bikini - not every encore brides' first choice I’m sure!).

Wedding Gifts for a Second Wedding

One of the main questions which crops up amongst brides, grooms and also wedding guests, is whether it is acceptable to ask for wedding gifts from guests at your second wedding. This is particularly pertinent if you have invited family and friends who already bought you a gift for your first wedding.

Wedding etiquette states that buying a gift for a couple who are getting married for the second time is definitely not mandatory. Wedding gifts are traditionally given to help a couple set up home together. Nowadays most couples live together before they walk down the aisle and so already have an established household with the requisite amount of crockery, toasters and wine glasses.

You should definitely consider registering for wedding gifts as the majority of your guests will want to buy you a gift (especially if it is a first wedding for one of you). Although typical wedding gifts may not be appropriate for a second wedding, you could consider registering for fun gifts such as equipment for a shared hobby (I attended a second wedding where the bride put golf clubs and lessons on her wedding wish list so that she could share her new husband’s love of the game!), artwork, sculptures or ornaments, a selection of fine wines, vouchers for activity days out (perfect if you have children you can share these with), plants for your garden or a donation to be made to a charity of your choice.

Keep in mind that some of your invited guests might well have been generous with their first wedding gifts to you, so if you are planning to register or ask for gifts then don’t feel hard done by if they choose not to buy you a gift or only buy you a small token gift. Surely the most important thing is that they choose to share your special day!

Personally I would have no problem buying a gift for a couple whose wedding I was invited to, even if I had already bought a gift for their previous wedding (though if it was the same two people remarrying then I would probably only buy a token gift). In my sister’s case she and her fiancé are already talking about their honeymoon which will include my two young nephews, so I suggested to her that she register for travel gift vouchers. There is a great article at Honeymoons.about.com which explains how honeymoon registry websites work. By using one of the free websites mentioned in the article you can list all of your honeymoon expenses including airfares, accommodation costs, excursions, meals, spa treatments, spending cash and even luggage on a website which is accessible to your wedding guests. This means that your guests can purchase whatever aspect or make whatever contribution towards your honeymoon they wish. If, like my sister, this idea appeals to you then you might also want to take a look at Weddingmiles.com where you can set up a registry for your guests to buy you frequent flyer miles to put towards your honeymoon or future travel once you are married.

Honeymoon Plans

Whilst many newlyweds enjoy some time to themselves on their honeymoons, it is becoming more common for couples to include their children in their honeymoon plans after a second wedding. The honeymoon presents a perfect opportunity for blended families to spend time together and share bonding experiences.

As mentioned, my sister intends on taking her two children on her honeymoon (it was her fiancé's idea!). My youngest nephew is obsessed with elephants so my sister has already mentioned that they are considering all going on a safari holiday in Africa - what a perfect way to kick-start their new life together as a family. I am sure they will share lots of great memories from the trip and get to know each other even better!

If you are lucky enough to get a second chance at marriage then I think you should ignore the statistics that say that the chances of a second marriage ending in divorce are 60% compared to 50% of first marriages. Inevitably you will be apprehensive about saying "I do" for the second time but let your hope and optimism shine through for your second wedding. Have confidence in the fact that you are a different person from the one who got married the first time - you are older and wiser second time around.

Resources I recommend for planning your encore wedding:

1,001 Ways to have a Dazzling Second Wedding by Sharon Naylor available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk

This guidebook is perfect for women planning their second weddings. It provides the most current and applicable how-to's on such touchy subjects as: gown choice, family participation, guest diplomacy, gifts, bridal party choices, invitation wording, reception planning, religious requirements, and legalities.

Listen to this discussion about the etiquette of getting married again? Questions include what do you wear and do you have a present list? She discusses this topic with Sandra Boler consulting editor of Brides Magazine and journalist Eve Pollard.

Read this New York Times article on on how couples are embracing second weddings as wholeheartedly as first their one. Written by MarcS. Fischler, it offers an excellent insight into the whole subject of encore weddings.

More second wedding websites to check out:

Take2weddings.com - Offers marriage advice and inspirations from how to tell your children you are getting married the second time around to choosing your dress.
Idotaketwo.com - All the second wedding ideas you'll need to plan your remarriage! Leave questions on the second wedding forum and an expert will respond with an answer.
Brideagain.com - Bride Again is designed for the encore bride. It is targeted to women over 30 who have been married at least one before, have children from a previous marriage or are marrying someone with children and are currently planning to be remarried.
Encorebridemagazine.com - Thoughts, suggestions, reflections, and opinions For re-wedding brides.

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Hi Everyone,

I received this question from a bride-to-be regarding how to handle divorced parents in the run up to and during your wedding:

My parents are divorced and although both of them seem happy that I am engaged to a wonderful man my Mum is hesitant about me getting married; I think because of the way that her marriage ended. I am also very worried about how my parents will behave on our wedding day. We haven't booked anything yet but I don't want to be worrying on the day about my parents hurting each other. It's not as if they can't stand being in the same room together but my Mum often gets hurt and is sensitive to what my Dad says. What can I do?

This was my reply:

It is totally understandable that your Mum is hesitant about your future marriage. With the statistic that in some US states 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce its enough to make anyone pessimistic about a marriage working.

Make it clear to your Mum that you are fully aware that the divorce rate is high but you are optimistic and believe that you are lucky enough to have found your soul mate. Explain to her how much you love your fiancé and how your relationship is different to her and your Dad’s. You should reassure your Mum that every marriage is different and not all marriages end like hers. Remind her that she had good years with your Dad and you were a product of that, which I am sure she would not change for anything!

Whilst the prospect of your marriage should be a happy one for your Mum, try to understand that it is bound to stir up bitter-sweet memories for her of her own wedding day. Your Mum will have been anticipating your wedding day since you were a little girl and I am sure that she wants it to be perfect for you.

Point out to your Mum that as you have lived through and experienced second-hand the demise of her marriage, it has given you the knowledge of pitfalls which can occur in a married relationship and how to deal with them.

Try not to let any of your Mum’s negative feelings towards marriage influence how you view your future nuptials. Remember that your relationship with your fiancé and indeed your wedding day are unique to you. Enjoy the wedding planning process - this should be the most fun part for you and your fiancé.

There are bound to be difficult situations for both you and your parents on your wedding day. It is only natural that you are worried during your pre-wedding planning stage about how your Mum and Dad will behave on your big day. You want your wedding day to be perfect without any embarrassing or awkward confrontations. You say that they are able to be in the same room together - well, that is a start!

I recommend that before you start organizing your wedding and booking venues, setting a date etc. that you sit down and talk with both of your parents. Preferably you should speak to them both together or, if this is not possible, separately. Whilst you should not have to remind them of what is and is not acceptable behavior for your wedding day, you should communicate your concerns about possible clashes between them.

Remind them that they just have to get on together for one day which is important to you. Inevitably your parents’ thoughts will drift to their own wedding day but you should remind them that your impending nuptials are a time for looking forward, not into the past! The best scenario you can hope for is that they put any bad feelings they have for each other aside and come together to support you on your wedding day. At the very least they should be able to be civil to one another and maintain a cool composure in front of your wedding guests. They may be divorced but they do have something major in common, namely you!

Discuss with them your hopes and expectations for your wedding day and what roles you wish them to play in it. The more detail you can give your parents the better, so that they know exactly what to expect on your wedding day. Ensure that your parents both understand the logistics of your wedding day. They should know when and where they will be expected to be during your ceremony and reception. Avoid confusion and let them know this information as far in advance as possible - this is crucial to the smooth running of your wedding day.

I am sure that as child of divorced parents you have had to suffer divided loyalties before, but during your pre-wedding planning just try to take into consideration both of your parents’ feelings. They will both want to feel equally important on your wedding day. Ask them to tell you their apprehensions about your wedding day and try to come up with solutions which accommodate both of their requirements.

From what you say, it sounds like your Mum is quite a sensitive person, perhaps more so when in the presence of your Dad. Let’s face it, her daughter’s wedding is going to be an emotional day for her anyway so do expect some tears from her! However, there are some precautions you can take to preserve her emotions and ensure that there are no full-blown family dramas between your parents on your wedding day. Here are my tips for dealing with possibly difficult aspects of your wedding day.

Seating divorced parents

It is understandable that a common concern for a bride whose parents are divorced is where they will sit during the ceremony and the wedding reception. Remember that there are no rules about divorced parents having to sit together at their daughter’s wedding.

During the wedding ceremony

If your parents are able to be civil to one another then seat them together in the front row. If you think that this might be awkward and that they would be more comfortable sitting apart then either seat them in the front row and separate them by seating other relatives in between them, or alternatively your Mum should sit in the front row and your Dad in the row behind her with his relatives.

Another solution is that you do away with having a groom and bride’s side of the ceremony venue and advise your guests that they can sit on either side. This would allow your parents to choose where they would like to sit and would eliminate any awkwardness about their decision not to sit together.

During the wedding reception

To avoid awkward moments and stilted conversation on your top table perhaps you should consider the following options for seating your parents at your wedding reception:

♥ A simple solution would be to try the following seating arrangement on the top table: you and your husband in the centre, your husband’s parents (I assume that they are still married as you have not mentioned anything to the contrary) on each side of you, your best man and bridesmaid next, and then your Mum and Dad at opposite ends of the table.

♥ Rather than having parents sit on the top table with you, you could have a “sweetheart table” which is a popular alternative to a top table (David and Victoria Beckham had one at their wedding!). You and your new husband sit at a table for two which can be situated anywhere in the reception venue, although traditionally it is placed in the middle of the room with the other tables of guests forming a circle around it. This means that you could be surrounded by your family and friends and would be free to get up and mingle with them without feeling guilty about neglecting those guests on the top table. You could choose who to seat your parents with at separate tables. They would probably enjoy the reception more being seated amongst their friends and family.

♥ If you decide not to have a top table at your reception then you should not bother to have your parents’ entrance into the reception announced by the MC. Your parents certainly won’t want the additional attention such an announcement might bring to their marital situation.

♥ Undoubtedly your parents will want to be seated in a place of honor at your wedding reception but you might prefer to have them seated at separate tables. You could have your wedding party (best man, maid of honor etc) seated with you at the top table and then your husband’s parents jointly and your Mum and Dad separately host their own table of wedding guests. Their allocated table could be made up of their family and close friends - this will make each of them feel special and is sure to encourage them to relax and enjoy your wedding reception.

Always make decisions about the seating for your ceremony and reception well in advance so that there is no confusion on your wedding day.

Receiving line

Wedding etiquette dictates that you can either have a receiving line or not – the choice is yours! The purpose of the receiving line is to allow you and your new husband to greet your guests. Traditionally the bride and groom’s parents, particularly those who have contributed financially towards the wedding, also join the line to welcome guests to the wedding reception. Many couples nowadays skip having a receiving line at their wedding and perhaps in your circumstances you would prefer to do this too.

If you do decide to have a receiving line at your wedding then you should not stand your parents together in the line - have other members of the bridal party in between them. Check out SuperWeddings.com for receiving line order and etiquette.

Photography

It is best to fully brief your photographer before the wedding day so that they are aware that your parents are divorced and they can treat the photo groupings sensitively. You should not try to hide your parent’s situation from the photographer - they will need to know how to arrange family photos.

Are your parents likely to refuse to be photographed together? To avoid embarrassing situations on the actual wedding day, sound them out about this so that you have advance warning if a family or group photo is unacceptable to both or either of them. It is important that decisions are made regarding the photos and notice is given to the photographer in advance.

I would imagine that you would love to have a photo of yourself in your stunning wedding dress flanked on either side by your parents. If this is the case, then speak to your parents in advance to check whether they are willing to smile sweetly for the camera for such a photo. Explain to them how important a photo of the three of you together would mean to you – a bit of emotional blackmail never fails to work!

Toasting

It is traditional for your Dad to make a speech and toast you and your new husband during the reception. The best advice I can give you to avoid any awkwardness is to speak to your Dad beforehand and ask him to choose his words very carefully. As your Mum is sensitive, and will be more so on your wedding day, remind your Dad to focus on the positives if he is mentioning his own marriage or your childhood in his speech. Nobody wants to hear about their divorce or recriminations or regrets about his own marriage. Weddings are upbeat optimistic occasions and everyone wants to celebrate your relationship not dwell on the fact that some marriages don’t work out! Alternatively if your Mum is concerned that she may not be represented in your Dad’s toast or she wants to express her own happiness at your wedding, then you could ask if she wants to make a toast of her own. The new modern trend with weddings is that you do not have to stick to traditional wedding etiquette. Increasing numbers of couples are allowing other members of the wedding party to make a toast – it adds a unique element to your wedding day.

Bridal Dances

Again, to avoid awkward situations during your wedding reception, decide in advance whether you want the MC or DJ to announce a “parents” dance. Make sure that you tell your parents ahead of time what you are planning to do. If you think the “parents” dance is likely to make your parents uncomfortable then eliminate it from your reception. You could ask for it to be announced as simply a “bridal party” dance and ask the best man, Maid of Honor or other attendants to partner each of your parents on the dance floor. Simply explain the situation to the MC or DJ ahead of time so that they can make the necessary adjustments to their usual wedding line up.

For great tips and advice on how to appease both your Mum, Dad and even yourself during your pre-wedding planning, read this article from the Wedding Gazette.

Surviving the pre-wedding stage when you are caught between divorced parents is the most difficult part. I have personally attended many weddings where divorced parents were involved and there have never been any clashes. Remember that your wedding day is a happy optimistic occasion and your parents’ conflicts should not blight your happiness.

Don’t assume that your wedding day will turn into a battle ground that you have to survive! Whilst it will inevitably be a challenge for you and your parents, you have all survived a divorce so planning your wedding day should be a walk in the park!

Remember it is your day, not theirs!

Thanks for your question and good luck!

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Wedding shoes have been important to the complete bridal ensemble ever since Prince Charming slid the glass slipper onto Sleeping Beauty's delicate foot. Today, it's important to make sure that the shoe you choose matches the style of gown you are going to wear, and with so many types of gowns and weddings this is quite a dilemma!

Are you getting married on the beach, in a church or in a rustic chapel? The range of shoes you may select from could include flip-flops, jeweled heels, leather boots or even the proverbial glass slippers with little kitten heels. There are a few things to keep in mind, however:

1. Remember to keep comfort in mind :

Your wedding gown is going to be the real focus of attention. In many cases, you gown is going to cover most, if not all, of your shoes, so don't choose a shoe that is excruciatingly painful because it is "gorgeous" if you know it is going to be painful by the end of the day. If you don't normally wear three inch heels, don't wear them on your wedding day. Choose a slender one-inch heel in an attractive style instead so that you will be comfortable. Or better yet, a lovely ballet-style flat that compliments your dress. Of course, if you are used to heels, by all means wear them!

Visit BridalShoes.com

2. Match fabrics as well as colors :

Many brides try to get shoes dyed to match their gowns and then are disappointed when they don't match because they have looked only at the price and gone with the cheapest material possible. If you choose a different material than what your gown is made from, the dye, no matter what color you attempt to use, will not "grab" the same, and the light does not reflect in the same manner. Satin, peau-de-soie, silk, brocade and other materials all have different reflective and dye qualities. You must choose shoes out of similar materials to get a good match.

Visit Shoes.com

3. Don't assume high price means best fit :

Having said that you should pay for good quality material, we won't claim that high price ensures the best fit. The only way to know what shoe fits you best is to try the shoe on. Each brand will run different, and some shoes will fit in one size in one brand and another size in another brand. If you want to dance the night away on your wedding day, be sure to walk around in a few pairs and check the fit so that you find a pair that not only looks great but fits comfortably. You may be surprised to find that some very inexpensive shoes have a fantastic fit.

Visit Shoebuy.com

4. Consider looking at shoes that aren't "bridal shoes" :

If you will be doing a lot of dancing, look into purchasing shoes from a store specializing in dance shoes. Ballet or ballroom shoes are designed to be extremely comfortable and come in a wide range of styles and colors that are extraordinarily versatile and attractive, with plenty of give and flexibility. Once you try these on, you may find yourself going back to these stores for special event shoes beyond your wedding day.

Visit BellissimaBridalShoes.com

5. Save money for your bridesmaids by going neutral :

If your bridesmaids are wearing pastels, consider allowing them to purchase off-white or white shoes. If they are wearing rich, deep tones, go with bone, taupe, muted metallics or even black for their shoes. Remember, if they are wearing floor-length gowns their shoes aren't going to show, and really, they aren't the center of attention - you are. Your bridesmaids will thank you for the opportunity to invest in comfortable, attractive shoes they can wear again and again instead of a pair of mint green heels that will languish in their closets and be tossed after they gather dust for months.

And last but not least visit QualityBridalShoes.com

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It is a great honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid so you should make it a moment to remember for both you and your bridesmaid. Without a doubt bridesmaids are always touched and flattered to be asked to stand up for you. By asking someone to be your bridesmaid you are singling them out and showing them how important they are to you. You are asking them to be a part of your wedding experience, one of the most important days of your life, so try to think of a unique and stylish way of doing this.

I should mention that throughout this blog entry where I have referred to bridesmaid I do mean attendants in general including maid and matron of honor.

I have set out some creative suggestions below. If the people you intend to ask to be bridesmaids are scattered across the country, or indeed the world, then it may not be possible for you to ask them in person. Therefore I have included some ideas for alternative ways to ask them to be a bridesmaid which are a bit more innovative than simply asking them over the phone.

Whether or not you're able to ask your bridesmaid in person, here are some imaginative and unique suggestions on how to do it:

♥ You could buy her a bridesmaid handbook and present it to her. I recommend “The Bridesmaid Guide” by Kate Chynoweth which was given to me by my friend when I was one of her bridesmaids. This book is great with plenty of up-to-date top tips for bridesmaids on how to handle all situations in the run up to and on the actual day of the wedding. It’s available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. Have a look and see - there are lots of other bridesmaid books you could choose instead which have great bridal shower and bachelorette party ideas and tips on how your bridesmaid can be diplomatic on a variety of wedding issues including the choosing of the bridesmaid’s dress!

♥ To make it even more memorable you could give your bridesmaid a gift which will always remind her of the moment when you asked her to be your bridesmaid. If its within your budget you could buy her a luxury item which you know she has been coveting for a while.

♥ You could arrange to meet your bridesmaid and present her with a personalised gift such as a t-shirt with “Bridesmaid” and your wedding date emblazoned on it – that should provide her with a big clue as to what you want to ask her! Your bridesmaid could wear the t-shirt at your bachelorette/wedding shower to identify herself, so this gift should get a lot of wear (take a look at ExclusivelyWeddings.com for cute t-shirts and tank tops). Alternatively, you could give her a personalised tote bag with her name on it or a photo printed on it of the two of you (MomentsofElegance.com have a nice selection). This gift, you could tell her, would come in very handy in the upcoming months for all of the paperwork she will accumulate when she helps you with the organization of your wedding!

♥ If you intend on buying your bridesmaids a piece of jewellery or an accessory for your wedding day anyway then you could buy this in advance and present it to them and ask if they would wear it on your wedding day as they stand beside you as your bridesmaid. Beware though of the fact that if they turn you down it might be a bit awkward to ask for gift back so perhaps think it through carefully before splashing out on Tiffany bracelets for your bridesmaids!

♥ If all of your prospective bridesmaids live nearby then you could take them out to lunch and pop the question to them! You could give them each a small gift or if you are on a budget give them a card or simply a cute note scrolled up with a ribbon telling them your wedding date and the part you would like them to play on your special day.

♥ If money is no object then take your friends to dinner, order some champagne and present them all with mini bouquets and explain to them that you would like them to hold a similar arrangement on your wedding day.

♥ Similarly, you could choose a flower you intend to use in your wedding and send it to your bridesmaids with a card explaining that this is a flower which you would like them to carry in their bouquet on your wedding day, or give it to them personally.

♥ You could frame one of your favourite photos of you and each of your potential bridesmaids and present it to them with a note telling them how important they are to you and whether they will be your bridesmaid.

♥ If you have time you could put together a small memory book with special moments from your friendship with your prospective bridesmaids. You could have photos with narrative describing special moments in your friendship and times that you’ve shared together. On the last page you could leave a blank space for a photo and just add the title of both your names and your wedding date. Or on the last page you could add a poem or letter asking them to be your bridesmaid.

♥ Arrange to meet your bridesmaids in the vicinity of your local bridal shop and whilst walking with them past the shop ask them if they which style of bridesmaid dress they would choose – this should give them a hint! Be aware that they may not want to try on bridesmaids dresses there and then (most brides and bridesmaids prefer to have their “special” underwear on and their hair and make-up looking great for such an occasion!).

♥ If you notice that there is a wedding fair on locally ask them if they want to tag along with you. Most friends will reluctantly agree to go with you! Whilst at the wedding fair pop the question to her and then you can get excited together looking at all the wedding stands and dresses.

♥ If you are on a budget invite your bridesmaids to your house for lunch or dinner and ask them then. If you are embarrassed to have a schmaltzy conversation about how much your friend means to you then you could write your request on a card, placecard or napkin and place it on their plates. If you do this, ensure that if you are inviting friends within the group who are not potential bridesmaids that you seat everyone at the right spot – you would feel awful if one of them thought the bridesmaid proposal was for her and it wasn’t!

♥ An inexpensive idea would be to rent the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and as you both reach for the hankies ask her to be your bridesmaid!

♥ Whether or not to ask your bridesmaids as a group or individually is a decision only you can make. Personally I asked my maid of honor separately and then my other two bridesmaids together. I would recommend that if you are having a maid or matron of honor and bridesmaids too, make sure that you ask the former before the latter. This will mean that if your first choice of maid/matron of honor turns down your offer then you can promote the others to maid/matron status without them feeling hurt that they are your second choice.

♥ If asking your bridesmaid in person is not an option then many of the above ideas are deliverable by post. You could also consider sending a bouquet of flowers, a balloon, a telegram, a teddy bear or candy gram or simply a card asking them to be your bridesmaid.

♥ Although it might seem impersonal to write to ask someone to be your bridesmaid, if you have no alternative because of the geographical distance between you and your bridesmaid then don’t worry about it. A great alternative to a simple letter is a personalised handmade card. You could either make a card yourself or try CafePress.com or WeddingStand.com. They have a fantastic variety of fun, colourful, handmade cards with specific “Will you be my bridesmaid” wording in them.

♥ If you decide to make a card yourself you should include some cute wording. Mention what a great friend/sister/cousin she is, tell her how important she is to you and how you want her to share your special experience in the run up to your wedding and to stand by you on your wedding day. Just say something from the heart and you can’t go wrong.

♥ In conjunction with a lot of these ideas including the flower or tote bag you could attach a card with a poem or verse written on it. For poem ideas have a look at TheKnot.com. One poem written on a wedding card on a website which I think is great is “Roses are red, violets are blue, will you be my bridesmaid? Please say "I do"”. I think that rhyme is really cute but you can get lets of other ideas from the internet. Choose wording which is symbolic to you and the person you are asking to be your bridesmaid.

♥ I recommend that you ask your bridesmaids as far in advance as possible. The perfect time to ask could be at your engagement party when spirits are high anyway and everyone is in a celebratory mood. That way you will be giving them enough advance notice. Do bear in mind that if you are getting married around the time of a public holiday (e.g. Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving) people book vacations in advance so do give them plenty notice to avoid disappointment.

♥ Judge for yourself whether the person you are asking to be bridesmaid is likely to feel any pressure by you asking her. If so then perhaps you should hold back on giving any gifts, cards, poems etc. as this might make them feel awkward about turning you down. Judge for yourself whether it is enough to simply ask your friend whether she would consider being your bridesmaid.

♥ If the unthinkable happens and the person you ask to be bridesmaid turns you down then do not get disheartened. They probably have a genuine reason for not being able to stand by you on your special day. A close friend of mine was asked to be a bridesmaid in the very early stages of her first pregnancy and she was caught in the dilemma of not wanting to disappoint her friend but also knowing that her due date was around the same time as the wedding date! If you feel it is appropriate to persuade your friend/family member to reconsider their decision then you could point out the advantages to being your bridesmaid to help sway them in their decision:

o If the person you are asking to be bridesmaid is single point out that they will be the centre of attention, a real VIP at your wedding and traditionally bridesmaids get endless dance requests at the reception!

o Remind her that she will get the opportunity to wear a beautiful dress which she can help to choose – if you intend on paying for it then this will definitely be a plus point worth mentioning to her!

o Try flattering her by telling her how you really need her creative skills to help organize your wedding, bachelorette party and wedding shower.

o Assure her that you will not turn into a bridezilla and will remain a calm and normal person throughout the wedding!

o If she seems nervous about her ability to carry out the tasks expected of her as a bridesmaid, boost her confidence by telling her that you have chosen her because she is perfect for the job! Flatter her and tell her you need her organizational skills, efficiency and resourcefulness.

o If all else fails resort to emotional blackmail and tell her that without her you might well turn into a stress-head heading for a nervous breakdown in the run up to and on the day of the wedding without her by your side! Tell her you need her to keep you organised, calm and sober on your special day!

As you can see from the above, there are many creative and special ways to ask someone to be your bridesmaid. You should take this opportunity to do something truly unique rather than just asking them straight out to be a bridesmaid. Have fun!

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What a memorable way to get married - to share your wedding ceremony and reception with someone you love alongside you and your fiancé at the altar. This is exactly what Emma Richards and her father Ron did. They wed in a joint ceremony in West Looes. After Ron escorted Emma up the aisle to her waiting groom Russell Wall he then awaited the arrival of his own bride MichGifford.

There cannot be a more virtuous thing to do than share your limelight as a bride with another bride. Don’t feel too honorable though because a deciding factor for you and your fiancé could well be the wedding costs being split with the other couple. This is the main bonus of a double wedding, the fact that the main wedding costs such as venue hire, church/venue flowers, transportation, catering and entertainment can be shared between the two couples.

Another couple who opted for a joint wedding as opposed to a more traditional wedding were Han Jing and Luo Jiangqian. They participated in a group wedding of 10 couples in Beijing, all of whom suffered from disabilities. By choosing a group wedding, and thanks to charitable donations from wedding suppliers, this couple benefited by being able to substantially cut their wedding costs.

It is becoming an increasingly popular idea nowadays, to share your wedding day with another couple. Whether it is a member of your family or your best friend there are plenty of positive aspects of getting married in this manner.

Advantages of having a double wedding:

♥ Sharing the financial burden with another couple will halve your wedding costs.

♥ Sharing the organization of many aspects of the wedding ceremony and reception will reduce your pre-wedding stress. A burden shared is a burden halved!

♥ If it is a member of your family you are sharing your wedding day with then you will get a real family feeling to the day and a fun and memorable event for everyone, especially you.

♥ To share your wedding day jointly with a friend can add an especially meaningful aspect to your friendship.

♥ Guests who are related to/are friends with both couples will benefit as double wedding will not impose any extra financial burden on them – they will inevitably save money by attending one double wedding rather than two separate weddings (they will save on travel expenses, accommodation costs etc).

♥ Sometimes when you choose to have a wedding in a destination resort (e.g. Hawaii, St Lucia) it can be quite a lonely experience as your family and friends may not be able to afford to travel to the destination with you. However, by sharing your wedding day with a friend or family member you will be guaranteed to have at least one other couple to share your wedding celebration with. It is also possible that by having a joint destination wedding guests who know both couples are more likely to go to the expense of traveling out to witness the joint nuptials.

♥ You can also consider sharing the cost of the wedding shower/bachelor party between both couples. Nowadays the cost of these parties can easily escalate. To divide the cost and responsibility for organizing it between both couples and both bridal parties should decrease the cost whilst increasing the fun.

TIPS TO HELP YOU PLAN YOUR DOUBLE WEDDING:

Wedding invitations – As double weddings are not as traditional as single weddings you will probably need to create your own wording for the wedding invitations. Custom-made invitations are easy to source on the internet or alternatively you might want to visit an invitations studio. Either way you must ensure that you choose an invitation style which can accommodate your additional wording.

Traditionally if the wedding involves two sisters the older sister’s name is listed first on the wedding invitation.

Mr. and Mrs. Joe Bloggs
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughters
Tiffany Rachel
to
Mr. John Humphrey Edwards
and
Britney Amber
to
Mr. Robert Randolph Rickman
on Saturday, the fourteenth of July
at two o'clock in the afternoon
Clarke Memorial Church,
St. Charles, Illinois

Additionally, if the double wedding is for a brother and sister regardless of their ages, the sister is listed first.

If the brides are not sisters then the following wording is suggested:

Mr. and Mrs. Joe Bloggs
and
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughters
Tiffany Rachel Bloggs
to
Mr. John Humphrey Edwards
and
Jessica Talia Jones
to
Mr. Oliver Andrew Twist
on Saturday, the fourteenth of July
at two o'clock in the afternoon
Clarke Memorial Church,
St. Charles, Illinois

In the extraordinary event that two sisters are marrying two brothers then the suggested wording would be:

Mr. and Mrs. Joe Bloggs
and
Mr. and Mrs. Tristan Edwards
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Tiffany Rachel Bloggs
to
Mr. John Humphrey Edwards
and
Britney Isla Bloggs
to
Mr. Andrew Charles Edwards
on Saturday, the fourteenth of July
at two o'clock in the afternoon
Clarke Memorial Church,
St. Charles, Illinois

If the bride and groom are sharing their day with either of their parents’ nuptials (as the Cornish family did in the article set out above) then the following wording is suggested:

Mr. Joe Bloggs
requests the honour of your presence
at his marriage to
Daphne Diana Cooper
and
the marriage of his daughter
Tiffany Rachel Bloggs
to
Mr. John Humphrey Edwards
on Saturday, the fourteenth of July
at two o'clock in the afternoon
Clarke Memorial Church,
St. Charles, Illinois
Quite often I have been asked by couples about advice for them when they are planning their wedding day and are intending to share it with their parents who are renewing their wedding vows. If this is the case then the following wording is suggested: Mr. and Mrs. Joe Bloggs
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Tiffany Rachel Bloggs
to
Mr. John Humphrey Edwards
on Saturday, the fourteenth of July
at two o'clock in the afternoon
Clarke Memorial Church,
St. Charles, Illinois
Following the ceremony Mr. and Mrs. Bloggs
will renew their wedding vows
in celebration of their 25th wedding anniversary

Ceremonial arrangements and logistics – A popular initial query with organization of a double wedding is “Who enters first?”. At first glance the logistics of a double wedding seem complicated. However, with efficient organization prior to the wedding ceremony everything will run just as smoothly as it would for a single-couple wedding.

♥ There are many different arrangements for a double wedding ceremony and I have set out below a few ideas and things to bear in mind:

♥ The processional and recessional order for a double wedding depends on both the relationship of the brides and their personal preferences. Traditionally the elder bride enters first and does everything else first as well. However, if both couples are agreeable there is no reason why you can’t re-shuffle and have the younger bride enter first and perform her vows first.

♥ You might find that the minister has the final word in deciding the ceremonial arrangements. He might have his own preferences regarding the ceremony program for a double wedding. Also, the minister will probably be more aware of the restrictions that the ceremonial venue will place on your double wedding (e.g. the size of the altar/stage where the wedding is taking place might restrict the positioning of couples or the aisle might not be wide enough for three people to walk abreast). You should also bear in mind that many ministers will not have performed double ceremonies as they are non-traditional, so they may not be able to lend you much insight into the organization of the ceremony itself.

♥ If the wedding venue has two main aisles then each bride and bridal party can use their own aisle for the processional and recessional. This works well as it seems to lend an air of separateness to each bride whilst still retaining the overall ambience of a double wedding ceremony.

♥ If there is just one aisle (which is the norm in most churches and is the usual set-up for most alternative wedding venues) then the two brides and bridal parties must share that aisle. There are two alternative programs for this scenario which I have set out below. For information purposes I have set this out as if the double wedding is taking place at a church but the same information applies for any wedding venue. Additionally, my example below is for a wedding where the two brides are unrelated:

♥ The brides and grooms each choose a side of the church. Both grooms will stand at the altar on either side. This means that the guests for each couple will sit on the corresponding side to where the groom stands at the altar.

♥ The Mother’s of the bride walk down the aisle and take a seat in the front row behind each of their sons.

♥ Ushers and groomsmen enter the church in pairs (one for each couple) and take their places at opposite sides of the altar.

♥ Bridesmaids then walk down the aisle in pairs (one for each couple) and take their places at opposite sides of the church, alongside the groomsmen.

♥ Flower girls and ringbearers enter the church and walk down the aisle in couples and take their places alongside the bridesmaids on each side of the altar.

♥ Maids/matrons of honour enter the church and walk down the aisle together, taking their places on either side of the altar.

♥ Finally, the elder bride walks down the aisle with her father, followed behind by the younger bride and her father. At the altar they each stand alongside their future husbands.

♥ Alternatively you can have the entire wedding party for the elder bride walking down the aisle in processional order and taking their places at the altar followed by the elder bride, and then the younger bride’s bridal party walk down the aisle followed by the younger bride.

If the brides are sisters:

♥ The elder bride walks down the aisle with her father, followed behind by the younger bride and a male relative. At the altar they each stand alongside their future husbands.

♥ Another option is for the father to escort the elder bride down the aisle and then return immediately back up the aisle (before the younger daughter’s bridal party make their way down the aisle) to escort her down the aisle too.

♥ Alternatively (if the aisle is wide enough) it is also acceptable (and a tear-jerking sight!) for the father to have one bride on each arm as he walks down the aisle.

♥ The logistics of how the brides and grooms with their best men stand at the altar will totally depend on how much room there is. This should be well rehearsed beforehand so that on the wedding day there is no jostling at the altar!

With regard to the seating arrangements for guests there are two options:

♥ The parents of the bride and groom and their guests for “Couple 1” sit on the side of the church corresponding with the side of the altar at which their son/daughter/relative/friend is standing at. For “Couple 2” the family and guests sits on the other side of the church.

♥ Alternatively, the parents of the bride can either sit together on the front pew or the younger bride’s parents can sit in the second pew and guests can follow suit. On the other side of the church the groom’s parents can do the same thing.

With regard to vows:

♥ The couples can either take their vows simultaneously, or the elder bride’s ceremony can be completed first followed by the younger bride’s. To satisfy legal requirements during a simultaneously-performed ceremony the ceremony elements (including the ring exchange) must be done separately. Traditionally the elder bride and her groom do this first, followed by the younger bride and her groom.

♥ It goes without saying that before the wedding day you should have a complete rehearsal so that you can check the timings, logistics of fathers walking two brides down the aisle, bridesmaids from both parties walking down the aisle together, seating arrangements for guests in the church etc.

Wedding reception – At your wedding reception or celebratory dinner, if you choose to have a formal receiving line, the order is the same as normal except that the parents of the elder bride should stand together and then the parents of the younger bride, alternating all the way down the line between the families.

♥ I would recommend that not only do you rehearse the wedding ceremony but you should certainly have a walk-through of the celebration at the reception venue with both couples so that you and the staff at the reception venue can plan the logistics for cake-cutting, speeches, first dance etc. Ensure that wedding suppliers including any DJ or band are aware that it is a double wedding which they are attending so that alterations and adjustments can be made ahead of time to their usual routines.

Communication between couples - You will need to ensure that you and the other bridal couple are well organized and can communicate openly and honestly with each other. The last thing you want in the run-up to your wedding day is disputes with another couple about certain aspects of the wedding plans, such as which colour flowers will be at the altar. I had a recent communication from a visitor to my website who was having problems with her mother and their conflicting views on colour schemes; they were having a joint wedding and her mother was insisting on having the colour theme for the entire wedding as pastels whereas her daughter wanted gold and blue colours to match her husband’s kilt. With a double wedding there is always going to have to be a certain amount of compromise between the couples organizing the event. The most important thing is to come to some sort of agreement before the wedding day – you don’t want clashes on your big day!

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A few weeks ago a bride emailed me to say that as soon as she had announced the wedding date both families seemed keen to give input emotionally and fiancially towards it, which was welcomed with open arms. Her family insisted on covering the cost of the wedding reception and the dress as they are quite traditional in that respect. The grooms family also wanted to help cover the cost of the reception and asked to share the cost. Without meaning to be rude, the bride's parents turned down this offer as they had saved for it since she was born and graceously reminded the groom's parents that their help would be needed for many other aspects of the wedding.

This bride then went on to say that since, the groom's family have become increasingly distant from the wedding plans. They have tried to involve them in each new plan and ask advice but they seem to busy. She added that she had savings to pay for the wedding themselves but accepted her parents help because there are aspects of the wedding are now more than first estimated and consequently the funds don't seem to be stretching as far as they first thought.

Specificially this bride wanted advice on what help the groom's family can give as the wedding gets near and nearer. As outlined money has always been a difficult issue and they are not sure how to ask them without sounding as if they expect them to help fiancially as this is not the case. She understands that they may feel excluded and rejected from the wedding but this was not done spitefully. She would really love for them to get involved but doesn't want them to think it comes at a price which is completely untrue!

So I was asked what is the safest way to go about this issue without treading on any toes but making sure that the bride and groom have enough savings for the wedding of their dreams?

In my reply I started by saying I could sympathise with the difficult situation she and her fiance were in and continued my advice as follows:

It sounds like you enjoy a good relationship with your fiance's parents so do try to talk to them about the wedding. As with all dealings with future in-laws you must be sensitive to their feelings. From your e-mail it sounds like they have felt left out of the wedding arrangements so perhaps have opted to take a back-seat rather than have their offers of emotional and financial support turned down.

If your fiance's parents are financially able to contribute to the wedding then I am sure this will help them to feel included in the whole wedding planning process. Indeed during the months leading up to my own wedding, when I was making arrangements and delegating arrangements to my husband, his parents, my parents and other members of the bridal party, was really enjoyable for me. It would be a shame for this special time to be spoiled for you due to your worrying about your fiance's parents' lack of interest in the run-up to the wedding.

Is there any one aspect of the organisation of the wedding which you can delegate to the Groom's parents to both organise and contribute towards(e.g. organising and paying for flowers for the church/wedding venue and buttonholes/bouquets or the wedding transport)? These are just two examples of the costs which you are likely to incur which are traditional to the reception costs which your parents will be covering.

I would suggest also that you both make a concerted effort to include them in the details of the wedding reception. Despite the fact that they are not paying for this event I am sure that they will be very interested to know what to expect at the reception. For example, you could arrange for them to visit the wedding reception venue and show them around, describe menu plans to them or even, if its not treading on your own parent's toes, to ask for suggestions about music, table flowers, seating arrangements, wine choices etc. Just ensure that they feel included.

Does your fiance maintain a close relationship with his parents? If so, then perhaps it would be helpful to all parties concerned if he could discuss these issues with them and reassure them that they play an important and unique role in your wedding plans. Of course you don't want them to feel like they are being treated like a walking cheque book but on the other hand contributing financially might well help them to feel involved in your wedding. Another suggestion is that perhaps you and/or your fiance speak to his parents about making a contribution towards the honeymoon. That is a substantial cost which I am sure you could use some financial help with.

I understand that you don't want to alienate his parents and it is essential that they too feel included in your special day. Just as your parents have been waiting since you were a little girl for this day, so too have his parents been waiting to proudly stand by and see their son get married.

Good luck on your wedding day

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Choosing a wedding venue is a matter of what suits your taste, your budget and satisfies whatever romantic visions you have of your wedding day. The wedding venue is one of the most important aspects of your wedding day so consider very carefully what will make yours special.

My advice to you is that if you are unsure of what type of wedding venue suits both of your ideas then you should concentrate on deciding on an ideal location.

Before you start looking, you should brainstorm with your fiancé and draw up a budget, an estimated list of how many guests you would like to invite and decide whether there will be a daytime ceremony and afternoon and/or evening celebration.

The first place to start when deciding on a traditional wedding venue is to have a tour around your local area making a list of those venues which you like the look of and which look like they will suit your budget and your needs. Researching your wedding venue is one of the most important decisions you will make, the first important decision being agreeing to marry your fiancé!

Have you attended any weddings recently which you thought were held in the ideal setting? If there are certain aspects of a wedding that you have attended and enjoyed greatly you can reproduce these to meet your own needs. You should ask your family, friends and acquaintances for recommendations and attend local bridal fairs and shows. These can provide you with a variety of venue choices and give you a chance to have a chat with staff members from the venue without having to enter into a formal relationship with them. Another idea is to check the internet for local wedding venues and go to their websites to have an initial look.

You should go with your fiancé or with your parents or friends on field trips to different types of wedding venue. By visiting different types of venue such as churches, hotels with outdoor facilities etc you will be able to come to an informed decision.

Perhaps you and your fiancé could reach a compromise whereby you have the marriage ceremony in a church and then the wedding reception could take place at an outdoor venue, such as in the grounds of a hotel, stately home, castle etc. Additional outdoor venues include a local beach, park (bear in mind because most beaches and parks are public property you may well need a permit or license), gardens or country club. If you contact local hotels and other licensed wedding venues in your chosen area they can usually let you visit on a day when a wedding is taking place so that you can witness yourself how your own wedding would look in their grounds, by the river, in a garden marquee, under their ornate gazebo etc. Only by visiting venues will you be able to visualise how your wedding will look. I have attended many outdoor weddings and I felt that being outdoors added an extra dimension to the whole wedding experience. For the bride and groom I think that outdoor weddings offer the opportunity to express yourselves in an unconfined atmosphere.

When you have drawn up a list of suitable venues either call or visit the facility and request a brochure specific to weddings which sets out what is offered and any exclusions, rules, regulations and options and also an estimate. You can then compare prices, arrangements and the range of services supplied. Some hotels offer a "package deal" with wedding venue, reception, toastmaster, wedding cake stand, florists and other services included. Decide whether you would prefer a full service wedding venue where they take care of every little detail regarding your ceremony and reception. Perhaps you would prefer one of the rental based venues where you simply rent the property, tables and chairs and then you will have to organise everything else from table linens, tableware, flatware and glassware through to catering, decoration and attendant staff. There are also rental based sites that have a working relationship with selected caterers and are familiar with other wedding service providers and vendors.

When you have short-listed a few venues, call and make appointments to visit the wedding venue. Most wedding venues need to be booked up to a minimum of one year in advance so if one of your choices of venue is hugely popular you should visit sooner rather than later. Most wedding venues and licensed venues can become booked very early due to the fact they can only accommodate one wedding a day. The earlier you book the greater the chance you have of obtaining your first choice of dates.

Initial questions to ask staff at your short-listed venues:-

♥ Do you have an in-house wedding coordinator?

♥ What are your rates for the different packages and what are the options available?

♥ Do you offer a wedding package and/or discounts for small or large wedding party, accommodation booked at the venue etc?

♥ What additional expenses may be charged?

♥ If you are intending to invite young children to your wedding are you looking for a venue which can provide an insured and bonded babysitting service?

♥ How much and by when will we need to put down a deposit to secure the venue for your chosen date?

♥ What is the latest time frame for making changes to your wedding plans?

♥ Will the venue provide you with a written contract? Will this include a 3 day cancellation clause?

Ensure that when you meet with the wedding planner at the venues you visit that you feel comfortable with them and feel able to be open and honest. If you feel that they are trying to force their opinions on you then I would anticipate that you are going to have communication problems with them in the important months leading up to your wedding day. Always carry a notepad and pen to write down important information and questions that may arise during your interview. Ask for a tour of the facility so that you can check their amenities. Usually if you will be providing accommodation at the venue you will be given the opportunity to have a look at the guest rooms and (if applicable) the bridal suite and/or bridal changing room. The staff at your wedding venue should have good attention to detail, should be willing and able to accommodate your wishes and above all else should be there to listen and tailor your wedding requirements around your budget and your vision of your perfect day.

Finally I would recommend that you relax and enjoy this period of your wedding planning. No matter what venue you ultimately decide on you and your fiancé will have a unique wedding day, the memories of which will stay with you forever.

Good luck and enjoy yourself!

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