What’s more difficult than delivering the perfect wedding speech? Writing the perfect wedding speech. It might seem like an easy enough task, but it can make you feel a bit like a chocoholic trapped in a chocolate factory - you know what to do, but where do you begin? Even when you’ve started putting pen to paper, you often realise that what sounded great in your head, doesn’t sound as good once it’s written down (yes, I am writing from experience)! Before you know it, your head’s banging, and you’re surrounded by torn up sheets of paper everywhere. Add to that the need to get the balance of humour and sentiment just right, and you’ll want to shoot whoever invented wedding speeches!

The main purpose of the speech is to congratulate the happy couple, and wish them all the best in their new life together. The general idea is that the father of the bride and groom keep their speeches both touching, and humorous, while the best man has to be light-hearted and entertaining. Each speech involves thanking the relevant people, a few anecdotes, and ends with a toast, which many think is just an excuse to knock back more champagne (so it’s all good)! If it’s that simple, what could go wrong?

Well, in a word, plenty! Traditional wedding speeches may follow a similar pattern, but each speech, speaker, situation etc, will undoubtedly be unique, and it’s important that each speaker knows what to say, who to thank, how to respond to a toast and to whom to propose a toast. The secret often lies in the preparation and planning process, which if done correctly, will give a focused and polished result. Everyone remembers a lousy wedding speech, where the speech is unstructured and uninteresting, the speaker incoherent and rambling, and the guests have lost the will to live. But everyone also remembers a fabulous one, which raises laughs in all the right places, and causes the odd tear to be shed. Want to know how it’s done? Keep reading!

PLANNING:

At the risk of sounding like my old English teacher, planning is essential:

♥ Have a brainstorming session, and jot down everything you might want to include in your speech. Bear in mind that you won’t need to use everything (not unless you plan on boring guests for five hours), but it gives you somewhere to start.

♥ Show your ideas to family/friends/work colleagues, and anyone else who might have anything to add.

♥ Feel free to ask around for anecdotes about members of the wedding party.

♥ It’s amazing how often random, but useful thoughts pop into your head when you least expect it, so carry a notebook around with you as much as possible to note down any ideas you might have. Unfortunately, there can be a tendency for these flashes of inspiration to occur at awkward moments, like when you’re doing 70mph down the motorway, or when there’s a long queue behind you at the supermarket checkout. These are times when it’s totally impractical to whip out your notebook (not unless you want to get hit on the head with a baguette by an irate shopper for holding up the queue), but do try to record your thoughts whenever possible, because chances are you may not remember them later.

WRITING:

This is where the fun begins, and you can finally start putting all the information together to write out your speech.

♥ Start sifting through your notes to find material you really do want to use in your speech. Remember your speech needs to be between 5-10 minutes long (preferably five), so be selective, as you can’t use everything.

♥ Start writing your first draft. You’ll probably have to redraft several times before you find a version you’re happy with, so don’t worry if your first attempt is far from perfect.

♥ Going into English teacher mode again, give your speech a beginning, a middle, and an end. This prevents your speech from sounding ‘all over the place,’ and gives it some structure and balance:

BEGINNING:

♥ Greet everyone according to the formality of the occasion (‘Ladies and Gentleman’ – formal. ‘Friends and Relatives’ – informal. ‘Hi everyone’ – what’s formality?!)

♥ Open your speech with an attention grabbing statement, to ensure everyone pays attention (Please note: Your aim is to grab their attention, not shock them into a stunned silence). You could open with a humorous statement, a relevant quotation, or by comparing the occasion, to a well known event (if any) which occurred on that date.

MIDDLE:

♥ This is the main part of the speech. You could just mention the necessary thank yous (if you wish to keep it simple), or maybe slip in one or two short stories.

♥ The father of the bride might wish to talk about what his daughter was like growing up, and remark upon what a charming, delightful, and wonderful young woman she has grown up to be (no doubt when it’s my turn, I’ll have to pay my dad to say something positive. I’ll have to pay him extra to sound convincing)!

♥ The groom can talk about your meeting, courtship, proposal, etc.

♥ The best man can talk about his friendship with the groom, and how delighted he is that his friend has found the ‘perfect woman.’

END:

♥ This is where you wish the happy couple well, and ask everyone to join you in a toast.

♥ When redrafting your speech ask someone to assist you if necessary, but avoid asking too many people for advice, as the words ‘cooks’ ‘spoils’ and ‘broth’ instantly come to mind. Ask someone whose judgement you trust.

♥ My assignments for university were littered with ‘big’ words which I’d randomly picked out of a dictionary in an attempt to make myself look clever. It didn’t work because most of the time I didn’t fully understand what the word meant (but at least my lecturers had a good laugh). The moral of the story is, use words and phrases you are familiar with, and speak in plain English so that everyone will understand. Guests will not be impressed if they have to reach for the dictionary for the duration of your speech.

BRIDE/CHIEF BRIDESMAID:

♥ The bride and chief bridesmaid – if they are planning on making speeches- are lucky in that there is no traditional set of conventions for them to follow, as women did not traditionally make wedding speeches. So you’re free to say what you like – within reason of course!

♥ As the groom has more thank yous to make than Gwyneth Paltrow did in that acceptance speech (parents for their help, guests for attending and for gifts received, best man for his help, bride for becoming his wife etc) these could be divided between the bride and groom.

♥ The bride could propose a toast to the best man, parents, or all the guests, or even to absent friends and family, if you would like to acknowledge anyone who was unable to attend or has passed away.

It is uncommon for the chief bridesmaid to make a speech, and I am thankful that I have never had to make one (though probably not as thankful as everyone else). However, if you are going to make a speech, you could:

♥ Speak for yourself and on behalf of the bridesmaids, and say how delighted and honoured you all are that you were chosen for such a special task.

♥ Add a couple of anecdotes about your friendship with the bride and groom.

♥ Propose a toast to the ushers. Which leads me to ask, why doesn’t anyone acknowledge the ushers in speeches? Handing out buttonholes, hymn books, orders of service, helping guests to park etc. They work so hard, and get so little credit. So not fair!

GENERAL POINTERS:

♥ There are going to be people of all ages present, so make sure the language you use is appropriate for big and little ears alike.

♥ Jokes and humorous anecdotes that go down well on a night out in the pub with your mates, for some bizarre reason, aren’t always well received at weddings. Make sure the gags are suitable to the occasion.

♥ It’s all very well going down memory lane, but not if you’re going to mention rifts and other past incidents which are best forgotten. Remember, this is a real life wedding – not an episode of Eastenders!

♥ It’s acceptable to make jokes at other people’s expense if it’s done in good taste and with affection. Leave out anything that you think someone might find upsetting, or at the very least double check that it’s ok to say what you want. And only offend the bride and/or her mother if you have a death wish!

♥ Don’t be afraid to make your speech as soppy as you like. It is a wedding after all, and events like these were the reason why waterproof mascara was invented and why Kleenex is still in business. And a few (happy) tears never hurt anyone.

♥ Don’t feel under pressure to make your speech hysterically funny. If you’re not a natural born comedian, and let’s face it, we can’t all be Russell Peters, you could include some well chosen and meaningful quotations.

♥ Prepare a list of everyone you have to thank.

♥ The best speeches are not 10 hours long. Read your speech out aloud and time yourself.

♥ There are some very useful books and websites, which give great in-depth advice on how to write the perfect speech, and better still, give examples, so they’re worth checking out.

♥ There are mixed views on how to use the content found in books and on the net. Some sources have suggested that it’s fine to copy huge chunks of material and pass it off as your own. I would suggest that you look to this material for inspiration only. Aim to make your speech your own.

AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS…

… Call in the professionals. No, not Bodie and Doyle, but you’ll be pleased to know that professional speech writers who specialise in wedding speeches do exist. So if you’re still having trouble coming up with something half decent, or it’s all very last minute dot com, then it’s worth looking them up. Be warned though, they don’t come cheap, but the time saved and complete peace of mind you receive might be worth every penny.

A good speech writer doesn’t deal in standard speeches or off the peg gags. They spend a great deal of time working on personalising each speech so that it’s totally unique. Some even work alongside a professional joke writer, so there won’t be any tired old jokes. And of course you can always take the credit for having written a witty, sentimental, and thought provoking speech!

Til next time

Lesley Anne

As you plan your wedding you will receive advice from just about everyone. Friends and family have a million and one tips to pass on, in fact here at Wedaholic I have been offering tips galore. For example tips on wedding djs, getting guests to mingle, giving a great speech and tipping wedding suppliers to name just a few!

I would like to encourage you to sign up for even more tips, by filling in the short form below:

Once you have clicked on the "Send My 1st Tip" button you will receive your first tip in your inbox.

To give you a flavour of what to expect I have copied the types of wedding tips you will receive below:

Sample Tip 1 :

At the reception hall, fill baskets in the bathroom with miniature hand lotions, breath mints, hair sprays, and hair gels for emergency touch-ups. You may also want to put out a basket with a few inexpensive pairs of pantyhose and
some clear nail polish.

"Thanks for all the tips..and for making them genuinely "free".... the tips I found most helpful of your's were about etiquette ... it helps to remind brides of other people's feelings when they are getting caught up in their own! And that idea about giving framed pictures to the parents is one I will definately do! Blessings!" - Suzanne, US

Sample Tip 2 :

Don’t forget grandparents and other relatives who may feel “left out” during the preparations before the wedding. Take a camera along when you are shopping for your dress or looking at flowers.

Send pictures with a quick note that says, “Here’s me rubbing my feet after trying on shoes that were murder!” Or “Aunt Joan, the flowers were beautiful, but I wish you could have been there.”

"Just wanted to thank you for all of the wonderful tips! I enjoy reading them every week!! I will use you're advice throughout the planning of my wedding and on the big day! Thanks again" - Danelle

Sample Tip 3 :

For bridesmaids' dresses, consider separates, especially if you have attendants whose sizes and shapes vary widely. Skip the bridal stores and check out department stores for evening skirts and separate tops that are made of luxurious fabrics and trimmed with beading or embroidered details.

"Dear Elle, your tips have been very helpful to me in planning for my wedding thank you for all of your help, looking forward to receiving other tips from you. Best Regards" - Cornelia, US