Unique Ideas For Asking Friends To Be A Bridesmaid Or Matron of Honor

It is a great honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid so you should make it a moment to remember for both you and your bridesmaid. Without a doubt bridesmaids are always touched and flattered to be asked to stand up for you. By asking someone to be your bridesmaid you are singling them out and showing them how important they are to you. You are asking them to be a part of your wedding experience, one of the most important days of your life, so try to think of a unique and stylish way of doing this.

I should mention that throughout this blog entry where I have referred to bridesmaid I do mean attendants in general including maid and matron of honor.

I have set out some creative suggestions below. If the people you intend to ask to be bridesmaids are scattered across the country, or indeed the world, then it may not be possible for you to ask them in person. Therefore I have included some ideas for alternative ways to ask them to be a bridesmaid which are a bit more innovative than simply asking them over the phone.

Whether or not you're able to ask your bridesmaid in person, here are some imaginative and unique suggestions on how to do it:

♥ You could buy her a bridesmaid handbook and present it to her. I recommend “The Bridesmaid Guide” by Kate Chynoweth which was given to me by my friend when I was one of her bridesmaids. This book is great with plenty of up-to-date top tips for bridesmaids on how to handle all situations in the run up to and on the actual day of the wedding. It’s available from and Have a look and see - there are lots of other bridesmaid books you could choose instead which have great bridal shower and bachelorette party ideas and tips on how your bridesmaid can be diplomatic on a variety of wedding issues including the choosing of the bridesmaid’s dress!

♥ To make it even more memorable you could give your bridesmaid a gift which will always remind her of the moment when you asked her to be your bridesmaid. If its within your budget you could buy her a luxury item which you know she has been coveting for a while.

♥ You could arrange to meet your bridesmaid and present her with a personalised gift such as a t-shirt with “Bridesmaid” and your wedding date emblazoned on it – that should provide her with a big clue as to what you want to ask her! Your bridesmaid could wear the t-shirt at your bachelorette/wedding shower to identify herself, so this gift should get a lot of wear (take a look at for cute t-shirts and tank tops). Alternatively, you could give her a personalised tote bag with her name on it or a photo printed on it of the two of you ( have a nice selection). This gift, you could tell her, would come in very handy in the upcoming months for all of the paperwork she will accumulate when she helps you with the organization of your wedding!

♥ If you intend on buying your bridesmaids a piece of jewellery or an accessory for your wedding day anyway then you could buy this in advance and present it to them and ask if they would wear it on your wedding day as they stand beside you as your bridesmaid. Beware though of the fact that if they turn you down it might be a bit awkward to ask for gift back so perhaps think it through carefully before splashing out on Tiffany bracelets for your bridesmaids!

♥ If all of your prospective bridesmaids live nearby then you could take them out to lunch and pop the question to them! You could give them each a small gift or if you are on a budget give them a card or simply a cute note scrolled up with a ribbon telling them your wedding date and the part you would like them to play on your special day.

♥ If money is no object then take your friends to dinner, order some champagne and present them all with mini bouquets and explain to them that you would like them to hold a similar arrangement on your wedding day.

♥ Similarly, you could choose a flower you intend to use in your wedding and send it to your bridesmaids with a card explaining that this is a flower which you would like them to carry in their bouquet on your wedding day, or give it to them personally.

♥ You could frame one of your favourite photos of you and each of your potential bridesmaids and present it to them with a note telling them how important they are to you and whether they will be your bridesmaid.

♥ If you have time you could put together a small memory book with special moments from your friendship with your prospective bridesmaids. You could have photos with narrative describing special moments in your friendship and times that you’ve shared together. On the last page you could leave a blank space for a photo and just add the title of both your names and your wedding date. Or on the last page you could add a poem or letter asking them to be your bridesmaid.

♥ Arrange to meet your bridesmaids in the vicinity of your local bridal shop and whilst walking with them past the shop ask them if they which style of bridesmaid dress they would choose – this should give them a hint! Be aware that they may not want to try on bridesmaids dresses there and then (most brides and bridesmaids prefer to have their “special” underwear on and their hair and make-up looking great for such an occasion!).

♥ If you notice that there is a wedding fair on locally ask them if they want to tag along with you. Most friends will reluctantly agree to go with you! Whilst at the wedding fair pop the question to her and then you can get excited together looking at all the wedding stands and dresses.

♥ If you are on a budget invite your bridesmaids to your house for lunch or dinner and ask them then. If you are embarrassed to have a schmaltzy conversation about how much your friend means to you then you could write your request on a card, placecard or napkin and place it on their plates. If you do this, ensure that if you are inviting friends within the group who are not potential bridesmaids that you seat everyone at the right spot – you would feel awful if one of them thought the bridesmaid proposal was for her and it wasn’t!

♥ An inexpensive idea would be to rent the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and as you both reach for the hankies ask her to be your bridesmaid!

♥ Whether or not to ask your bridesmaids as a group or individually is a decision only you can make. Personally I asked my maid of honor separately and then my other two bridesmaids together. I would recommend that if you are having a maid or matron of honor and bridesmaids too, make sure that you ask the former before the latter. This will mean that if your first choice of maid/matron of honor turns down your offer then you can promote the others to maid/matron status without them feeling hurt that they are your second choice.

♥ If asking your bridesmaid in person is not an option then many of the above ideas are deliverable by post. You could also consider sending a bouquet of flowers, a balloon, a telegram, a teddy bear or candy gram or simply a card asking them to be your bridesmaid.

♥ Although it might seem impersonal to write to ask someone to be your bridesmaid, if you have no alternative because of the geographical distance between you and your bridesmaid then don’t worry about it. A great alternative to a simple letter is a personalised handmade card. You could either make a card yourself or try or They have a fantastic variety of fun, colourful, handmade cards with specific “Will you be my bridesmaid” wording in them.

♥ If you decide to make a card yourself you should include some cute wording. Mention what a great friend/sister/cousin she is, tell her how important she is to you and how you want her to share your special experience in the run up to your wedding and to stand by you on your wedding day. Just say something from the heart and you can’t go wrong.

♥ In conjunction with a lot of these ideas including the flower or tote bag you could attach a card with a poem or verse written on it. For poem ideas have a look at One poem written on a wedding card on a website which I think is great is “Roses are red, violets are blue, will you be my bridesmaid? Please say "I do"”. I think that rhyme is really cute but you can get lets of other ideas from the internet. Choose wording which is symbolic to you and the person you are asking to be your bridesmaid.

♥ I recommend that you ask your bridesmaids as far in advance as possible. The perfect time to ask could be at your engagement party when spirits are high anyway and everyone is in a celebratory mood. That way you will be giving them enough advance notice. Do bear in mind that if you are getting married around the time of a public holiday (e.g. Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving) people book vacations in advance so do give them plenty notice to avoid disappointment.

♥ Judge for yourself whether the person you are asking to be bridesmaid is likely to feel any pressure by you asking her. If so then perhaps you should hold back on giving any gifts, cards, poems etc. as this might make them feel awkward about turning you down. Judge for yourself whether it is enough to simply ask your friend whether she would consider being your bridesmaid.

♥ If the unthinkable happens and the person you ask to be bridesmaid turns you down then do not get disheartened. They probably have a genuine reason for not being able to stand by you on your special day. A close friend of mine was asked to be a bridesmaid in the very early stages of her first pregnancy and she was caught in the dilemma of not wanting to disappoint her friend but also knowing that her due date was around the same time as the wedding date! If you feel it is appropriate to persuade your friend/family member to reconsider their decision then you could point out the advantages to being your bridesmaid to help sway them in their decision:

o If the person you are asking to be bridesmaid is single point out that they will be the centre of attention, a real VIP at your wedding and traditionally bridesmaids get endless dance requests at the reception!

o Remind her that she will get the opportunity to wear a beautiful dress which she can help to choose – if you intend on paying for it then this will definitely be a plus point worth mentioning to her!

o Try flattering her by telling her how you really need her creative skills to help organize your wedding, bachelorette party and wedding shower.

o Assure her that you will not turn into a bridezilla and will remain a calm and normal person throughout the wedding!

o If she seems nervous about her ability to carry out the tasks expected of her as a bridesmaid, boost her confidence by telling her that you have chosen her because she is perfect for the job! Flatter her and tell her you need her organizational skills, efficiency and resourcefulness.

o If all else fails resort to emotional blackmail and tell her that without her you might well turn into a stress-head heading for a nervous breakdown in the run up to and on the day of the wedding without her by your side! Tell her you need her to keep you organised, calm and sober on your special day!

As you can see from the above, there are many creative and special ways to ask someone to be your bridesmaid. You should take this opportunity to do something truly unique rather than just asking them straight out to be a bridesmaid. Have fun!

Posted by Emily on June 4, 2006 11:52 PM to